I slept through the night! That is such an accomplishment. I can't control sleep. I have been waking up in the middle of the night and have been exhausted. It has made me more emotional and less able to handle everything going on. Seeing the therapist and knowing that she and I will work through this has just lifted a huge weight.
stbx left for the night for work travel. We are still living under the same roof. After yesterday's appointment, it really has made it easier to be a parent with him as opposed to a romantic partner and parent. He is an involved parent and does a lot with the kids.
Today before he left, the subject of therapy came up. I was honest with him about how serial cheating was described to me as emotional abuse. We had a very healthy discussion about it. He is going to therapy the week after next. I told him I harbor no ill will towards him. I want him to be a good parent for my kids. However, having people work with me and help me realize that I chose to stay in an abusive marriage has brought me such a relief and sense of hope for my future and I am finding myself really feeling stronger and stronger. He knows I grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive household. My father beat my siblings. He yelled at me constantly but I always ran and hid from the physical as a child.
I've got this. I know I do. It is just going to take a while....
My D wants to talk to me later about STBX. He told her that he is going to go to therapy in two weeks last week. My D goes to therapy already and my S starts therapy next week. I want them to be very secure with everything. D already has pre-existing issues and has been seeing a therapist for a while. She has done more work on herself as an almost 16 year old than almost any adult I know. My youngest is still trying to figure out what to feel about the divorce. He is a sensitive little guy, and it want him to have someone to talk to early on in a safe environment. He starts seeing D's excellent therapist next week.
I started my weekly therapist last week and know I'm in it to win it for the long haul while I get myself back. Just one session made a difference. I can't imagine what even 6 months will do. I have amazing mental health benefits and we pay only 10% to see these experts.
STBX is still on my insurance and has this benefit available to him. So it isn't cost. He had 150 people to choose from. He set an appointment. My D wants to talk because she thinks he is not going to go. I am sad for her because I know she is disappointed. I can't do anything about it. I've had to detach and let go.
I started working on my prequal for my mortgage yesterday. I got my realtor today. I took the kids to some open houses. I'm excuding positivity and confidence in our updated family unit while still showing them compassion.
I can't control him. I do still keep a secret journal if I ever need these issues for legal purposes. That is all I can do for now.
