Ambivalent, I'm very sorry that you are now just discovering the financial facts. It's going to make your blood boil the more you think about it, once the shock wears off. I'm not surprised that he's gotten additional credit cards. They do this w/o a care in the world. It's called entitlement and they just don't care about anything but themselves and satisfying their "wants/needs".
You will definitely need to go through each and every piece of paper in that box at the attorney's office. Check around your home for more evidence because he's been very good at hiding things from you for a very long time. Have you done a recent credit report on line? You need to do so because your name is tied to his on most things.
It's time to really think about downsizing and figuring out what you can sell and get settled somewhere before winter. You want to be settled and not have to worry about the upkeep on a home, as well as the worry of running out of propane, etc. Now is the time to start looking because there are a lot of places for rent this time of year because people are relocating before the kids start school, etc.
Whatever he's promised you in the past may be out the window. Anything he agrees to, be sure it's in writing.
Again, I'm sorry this has happened, but I'm not surprised. A large majority of them do things such as this and it only comes to light when we are divorcing, discussing legalities and digging for information. They have a knack for hiding things from us along the way and then we are hit w/it at the end of the road. Continue digging. You need to be aware of all of the facts because some of them will impact you and your credit history.
I dug around months ago and gave it to my attorney. As for credit, yup, did that too.
Getting a cc and starting to develop credit of my own. Funny, we think the same. My goal is to stay where I am until Nov. And bank cash. For all I will be paying is utilities. I've been on line looking for places and I've a Realtor friend as well. I'm going to try and list with her, no lock box, apt.only. That will purchase me some time.
Once I get the PL. done, I'm sitting tight to stay on the insurance. My new list:
Schedule boards
Cram and start downsizing.
See what I can sell and do so
Box things up
This will all be in prep of a November or end of October move. The longer I'm here is a month of more money in the bank. My goal is to be as frugal as possible and stash cash.
Once I'm in a new place and settled then I'll resume'. To do so now and in the middle of this chaotic situation would only add more stress and I wouldn't interview well. I'm also hoping to take one more course to make myself more attractive and marketable.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Ambivalent, I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope he agrees to settle but you never know w/these crisis individuals. I know it would save quite a bit of moolah lah, but they don't care about that when it comes to what they want and when they want it.
If you find things to sell, try selling them on Craig's List. I've seen quite a number of people selling things on there and it's not bad because you can do an online sale (w/photos), etc., versus having a yard sale.
Any way, good luck tomorrow!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
All went well yesterday and not even at the last minute ! Would have liked 800.00 more, but NOT worth the money to go to court over. So it was a wash. I got a pretty good deal. I'm still on all of the insurances and through 2015 ! /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
So today I take charge...(finally) of my new life! Since my H. has obliterated " our " credit, I am going to open a savings secured credit card through my bank. It is right down the road from my house and I have an apt. YAY!
A start to moving forward and becoming my own credit savvy and RESPONSIBLE individual. I will purchase something small, ie, dog food or a movie ticket and then pay it off. Put the card in a drawer and LEAVE IT ALONE ! Eventually I will build credit and it will be golden!!
After that , I go get the SUV inspected and off to the gym. I had all of the responsibilities of raising, educating, health ( mental and physical ), coaching, leading, cooking, cleaning / maintaining/landscaping, driving, shopping, holiday's, etc. of the home and children 24/7 ! Now I'm about to grow in another area. I'm scared, excited, anxious, and willing to learn more about personal finance, bills, taxes, and investing.
It is a bit overwhelming and I feel like an amateur, because , well , I AM! I know this will be a bit painful, but I'm ready to rise to the challenge. I'm ready to push myself to grow, yet again! Part of who I am is the very sensual / emotional side. The other is the pragmatic / logical gal. I emote, and then I get down to business, in more areas than one, heh heh ! X }. Wish me luck all you experienced wonderful loving DB-ers,
BUST ON!
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Ambivalent, I'm glad things went well yesterday. One less thing to worry about going to court over.
Yep, a new life is on the menu and I can see you are going to soar as it begins.
Take it one step at a time, one day at a time and everything will fall into place for you.
Take care of yourself and good luck on your new adventures.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
