Shmoopie has been acting weird, and when I mean weird, I mean normal to some degree. This has happened for a few weeks now. This has put my guard up even more and has caused me to spin emotionally, because I can't stop wondering and reflecting on our marriage.
He has filed for the divorce a few weeks ago and when my attorney gave me word I wasn't bothered at all. It really did feel like a business transaction and had no emotional attachment.
I guess this all puts me emotionally on edge, because I am looking to the future ( and it doesn't include shmoopie) and have done things to progress my wants and needs in life. I even started a very casual, relaxed non-co dependent relationship with a guy who knows everything regarding Shmoopie and I.
Is this normal? I don't feel like I want my ex, but I feel like he is invading MY world a little bit. It really is a double edged sword, because this normalcy is what I feel is needed for us to co-parent our children, but I feel like something isn't quite right.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
BRNR, It is very normal to feel/react the way that you are, especially when you hear that he's filed for divorce. It makes you rethink/revisit what's transpired and even though you don't think you want him back, you were possibly still holding out a little hope that things would change.
He's acting strange because he knows he's filed and he didn't even let you know. It's called being sneaky and underhanded and he doesn't know how you will react to the news. They get weird when they do something that will have some fall out.
I think you need to sit quietly and the answers will come. He's not going to be able to contain himself for very long and will have to find out what you now about the divorce.
I'm very sorry that he's rocked your world a little bit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Job...I'm not sure that I have hope. Too much water under that bridge. But
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
As I was saying Job, I don't think that I have any hope, but suspicion that this may be the quiet before the storm. But you did confirm what I was thinking...sit quiet and wait for everything to reveal itself. I'm at a good place, and am not waiting to go through any craziness...
I'll keep everyone posted of what's to come
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
keep your eyes and ears open because when they act like a bunch of squirrels, that's when your radar will need to be fine tuned.
I do think you are going to hear more about the situation in the next week because he's not going to be able to sit on the sidelines too long w/o testing the waters w/you.
Do try to enjoy your weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Spending my weekend with relatives over in the next state...NYC touristing tomorrow with my boys and Aunt...I can't wait.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
So, I've been battling a lot lately and have been on my own personal roller coaster. As I said in prior, Shmoopie filed for divorce...the lies that were included in the complaint were outrageous and I have been doing a lot of work emotionally and physically to overcome them. We were supposed to go to court this upcoming Friday, but my attorney had it postponed for a few more weeks so we can get all the pertinent information together.
I am happy that I have a few good friends by my side to combat and confirm my thoughts and emotions. A lot can be said for the friends that have taken this journey with me.
In gathering the information for the divorce a lot of old feelings came back when reading old emails and text exchanges...at times I felt like throwing up because the things that were said by Shmoopie were just downright evil and untrue.
What I can say, is that my life is not what a thought it would be...I miss my pre-BD ex something terrible and I know in my heart that I loved that man with all his flaws...and there were a lot.
To everyone who is dealing with thier own monsters (both externally and internally) know that life goes on...it may be better or it may be worse, but it does go on.
My Shmoopie has settled down, but he is also disappearing on his children...I guess that is to be expected. I have NO idea where he is on his journey...with the little knowledge I have about his troubles and knowing how much of a struggle I have had with things emotionally and physically since our split, I can't help but think it isn't as good of a picture as he would like to paint.
OW, I still think about her sometimes...I am mad at her and I feel sorry for her. To aide in the destruction of a family for her own selfish needs...SMH!!! I hope she grows up and gets what she deserves in the long run...I don't know what that is, but I hope it is some kind of hell.
Had a deep conversation about "settling" with I guy I care about. We both know there are things we want and don't want from our relationships in the future... whether that be with each other or not. He is such a special guy who I adore...
I guess I just wanted to pop in and say Hi while I had the chance. School is starting for my boys and the whole month of August was consumed with my kids activities with no end in sight Until the new year...hope all is well with everyone.
I miss the talks and the lashings...I wish I had more time to sit on the boards and talk with you all. I am going to try and catch up on some of the other postings.
Talk to all of you soon.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
BRNR, I'm glad you returned today. Gathering info for the divorce is no picnic. It does take an emotional toll on you because it will bring back many old memories and thoughts as you move along. Once the divorce is finalized, I can promise you that a huge weigh will be lifted off your shoulders. You may be surprised just how heavy that weight has been. Give yourself time to heal and get your footing once again.
Our children went back to school August 20th and it's been a whirlwind of activities for them. So, I do understand what you are dealing w/when it comes to getting the children ready and back in school.
I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Be kind to yourself as you move along the divorce path. You are going to have ups and downs for a while from the coaster ride of emotions. Feel the pain and anger and then let it go. Your new life is right around the corner and hopefully your "old" Shmoopie will shuffle off into a dark hole to grow up all by his lonesome.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I read some of the boards last week and noticed all my people are gone...and unfortuneatly a whole new crowd is around. Sorry newbies!
Well, a message to all the newbies...going through this experience will change you. I reflect back to things at bomb drop and now and WOW! I amaze me in new ways every day.
So an update on the non-sitch... Shmoopie is still on the hamster wheel i feel sorry for him in so many ways. I hope he learns about life soon...
Shmoopie took me to court interim of the divorce to have a judge force the sale of our home (which I have maintained and lived in) and reduce his support. Judge said basically No...a week later his attorney is asking my attorney if I will concede to eliminating the order and his responsibilities?!?! Uh NO. This made me laugh...what kind of a lawyer does he have?
OW was introduced to the family at a funeral...my source says it did not go well and she was shunned for the most part.
Kids ...they are growing and learning in this process...their relationship with Shmoopie is bad and OW is still being forced on them...They each have thier own way to cope...my oldest keeps himself busy while the little one just expresses his emotions.
Me...I am doing great emotionally. I feel strong enough to deal with any obstacle that comes my way. Work is better, my relationships with my friends have improved and my dating life is progressing nice and slowly.
All in all, I feel life is moving along really fast and there are days where I wonder where time has gone...BIG differnece from how things were around BD.
Just stay positive people and keep on moving forward....
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
So things are getting better for me. I am going through this divorce process pretty well. I am okay with it and while it is never what I expected it is okay.
Shmoopie is still running around on that hamster wheel we talk about...in fact the blame game has gotten even worse than it was in the beginning.
From my perspective Shmoopie is reaching for something to gain leverage on his side. His latest and greatest is how bad of a mom I am...This coming from the guy who still doesn't come and get his kids during all of his parenting time nor calls them on a regular basis.
I also see that his line of verbal attacks always question what I am doing in my life and with whom...his last email made it very clear that I need to be focused on the kids and not my social life. Funny thing is, I am focused on the kids, I guess just not the way Shmoopie wanted it to be...oh well.
I wanted to say thanks to Job, Portia, GolfMom, AJM, and the many others that helped me along in this journey. I am still growing and still learning, but I am in a good place.
I've learned patience, tolerance, indifference, listening, and have gained so many friends and insight into relationships.
I've also learned that I was very rigid, very frustrated, and very stressed in my married life. It is very freeing to live a life with only my own rules to live by, only my own expectations of myself to live up to.
So my most recent learning experience...that this is also a process for my children too! One of the final ropes I need to let go of.
Most recently, Shmoopie started some drama that I am happy to say that I didn't let him suck me into...the problem was that he created this "show" for the kids and it had my 15 YO son questioning me. The manipulation of our kids is downright awful.
So my son comes to me and starts questioning why I won't "effectively communicate" with thier father. Well one, those words come from Shmoopie often in his emails, and two, it was none of my sons business what, when, why, and how I communicate with thier father. Which is pretty much what I conveyed at the start. So my son pushed, and got answers (with supporting proof) he wasn't expecting. He changed his tune after that and while it didn't equate to an "I'm sorry Mom", his actions displayed it.
Thing is, I have prided myself on keeping my kids out of all this non sense, and yet Shmoopie drags them in it by saying I don't communicate with him and tells them lies and excuses. (Um excuse me, am I Shmoopie's secretary?) My son had a hard time grasping this concept, but I had to be firm and explain to him that after the first year (after BD) of reporting to thier father about everything and getting either no response or a verbal beatdown, I have decided not to include him in the on goings of what's going on with his kids. Besides, I feel my kids are old enough to communicate with thier father on thier own (15 and 11).
So I guess I am just wondering how my kids will cope and survive. Both my boys are at ages where they are going through thier own stuff...just the other day my oldest told me about his fears of getting older and responsibilities of getting a job and driving and bills. He is a smart kid and wants to be proactive and learn some "life skills" now before it is thrust upon him....I love that kid. Eh hem, sorry young man as he likes me to refer to him as. But I guess all in all I am using some DB skills learned to let my oldest forge his own path in his life, but have let him know that I am there for him if he wants me to be.
Always a learning process...
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
