I haven't been around much but the last line of this post struck me.
The river will flow. That's the only thing we can be certain of. You have approached your work here in such a calm, reassuring, nurturing way. You got this.
Deep breaths. Whenever I start to feel like I'm losing it, I try to breathe through it. Oh, and meds. I resisted them for too long, and they have saved my life. I know it's not for everyone, but for me the anxiety is such a biochemical thing that I needed help getting under control. My goal is to be able to manage the anxiety naturally some day, with exercise, sleep, meditation, maybe biofeedback. But that's a ways away for me at this point.
I haven't posted in a while but after reading up it caught my eye your part on Labug regarding the "threads was smoothing the friction, then establishing friendship, then romance, then recommitment. Baby steps."
A good thing to remember. I'm rooting for you
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
I am so blessed with the support I get here. Thank you all, very deeply.
Claire, I'm so flattered that you think I'm calm & reassuring. I feel like I've laid out some doozies of meltdowns. I have relied on an herbal supplement which has been enough to get me through. I ran out two days ago though so I guess I'd better go replenish my stock.
The funny thing is, we bought that bottle for H last summer when he was anxious about saying goodbye to OW. When it became clear he wasn't going to use it I commandeered it. TOTALLY got my money's worth out of it.
There was a book I got a while back by Susan Jeffers with a title that was almost exactly Surviving Uncertainty or something like that. But the second chapter was about how her 16 year first marriage fell apart and how sometimes you have to just say goodbye to relationships and I wasn't ready to hear the message, so I just read the intro & first chapter and returned it to the library. Maybe I'll get it back out and just skip that relationship chapter.
I do feel calmer now. Reminding myself not to eat the elephant makes it ok for the process to take how long it's going to take. I've made all these changes to myself and then I was kind of at a loss for what to tackle next. But now I see that calm in the face of uncertainty, and reminding my mom that I get to make these decisions and that pressure to make major life decisions on her suggestion is not healthy, are two very important points of growth for me.
Thank you all!
Fiddle dee dee, tomorrow's another day!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
May bell & others working on becoming calmer...my IC recommended an app called calm.com. it's guided meditation, I'm finding it helpful
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Talking of apps. This one liner poped up in my fb news feed.
There's a new app out call humor you should install it! Lol Norty but there are so many who could use it, had a few *rolls eyes* interesting and very precious customers today!
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
OK my .02 would be...Are you enjoying what's happening with your H and you right now? (minus the awkwardness)
If so, continue to enjoy it, attach no strings to it. I think it might be difficult for you to communicate, cause you're trying to get somewhere. Let go of that as much as you can and just enjoy what's happening now.
I might have told this story but...I was in a yoga class and the instructor, who I really enjoy for her calm, quiet, non-striving manner, directed us into a post. Then she asked something so simple, "What if there is no next pose? Don't anticipate the next move. Just be here."
Of course I was always anticipating the next move, never "being" in the current one as my mind had already moved on.
I've always been a striver, it's difficult to switch gears to non-striving.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Labug, I was NOT enjoying the place where I was with my H at all. I was stuck and couldn't do the warm smile thing or any other kind of DB. I had no realization that I was SO stuck on OW. I had set that as a boundary thinking it was a strategy and then I think I was surprised to discover how thoroughly I meant it. Three exposures from her baby daddy was two to many to stomach.
Now it is better and I am enjoying things. Yes, I'm still anticipating what's next but after an 800 mile road trip today I've realized how much space in my head I've been giving him and I'm working consciously to reduce that, along with a couple of other 180s that occurred to me. But I'm woozy from driving and fatigue so I'll save those for tomorrow.
He texted a lot today, initiated, *seemed* concerned about me... But then I often try to talk myself down by attributing what I want to be for me to the kids. And he texted for a while last night during a second round late in the evening. I'm afraid to get my hopes up, but also kind of enjoying this place, a funny combination of teen crush with mature desires and then basking in feeling like a new woman.
I had another great Star Wars quote for you labug but the brain cell holding it fell asleep...
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I feel like I've laid out some doozies of meltdowns. I have relied on an herbal supplement which has been enough to get me through. I ran out two days ago though so I guess I'd better go replenish my stock. 
