Date went well! We had dinner, then did a wine tasting. I think she was surprised I had planned that because I've never been much of a wine person. We've actually gone before with family and I pretty much sat to the side in my stubbornness. We had a good time just chatting. I made sure to give her my full attention and ask lots of questions.
The only R talk we really had is me asking her why she wanted to go out. She just replied something about feeling like it was worth giving it a try and asked if I agreed, then changed the subject so I didn't ask anything further.
I dropped her off and she thanked me with the biggest smile I've seen from her in the past 10 mos. I didn't ask about going out again and she didn't mention it either.
So my plan now is to stay dim and see if she reaches out to me. I felt like I needed to give her 1 night of showing her the 'new' Tarheel since we don't interact much, although I'm treating this more as dating a new girl as opposed to winning my W back. I know that I will need to ask her to prove no contact with OM at some point should we go out again, just unsure of how I feel about at what point that occurs (before next date, a couple more dates, etc). I know your thoughts on it
Positive of the day- W actually called me. Basically an unnecessary call from S15's phone to tell me she had forgotten her phone at a family friend's house. We talked for about 15 mins regarding her work yesterday, a real estate deal she has going on and our schedule for the kids today.
Was surprised she actually called while at the pool, in front of the kids and her friend (who she stays with) to tell me something S15 had already text me earlier.
So earlier W stopped by to pick up the kids and D10 said she didn't want to go. W tried to talk her into it, but D10 stayed with me (at the house). I could tell W was upset so sent her a text after she left basically saying that D10 had been grumpy lately, enjoy just being with the boys.
She just sent me the following email and I'm open to any advice on how to respond (if at all)...
'I know that D10 was just being- D10, but it doesn't feel good when she doesn't want to come with me...It hurts. It [censored] because I totally understand. They want to be at their house, with their things, and their pets and friends...I hate that I have to stress about picking them up and taking them home. I feel like my life has completely turned upside down and yours hasn't. Now, I know that's not true. I know that you feel completely distraught by me leaving the marriage/home, but In terms of our assets and routines and "home"...you have it all...Just my feelings. I'm trying to get better at sharing those and let you know where I'm coming from.'
W called me again this morning and text me last night. Just about bills or kids, but her initiating contact has increased, for what that's worth.
It would be so easy to just say 'then why don't you come home and we can work on this?', but I know that's a decision she needs to reach on her own.
I guess my response would try to be as understanding as possible- thanking her for sharing her feelings, I understand how she could feel upset, etc. The old Tarheel response would be to try to 'save' her- can we set up a schedule for the kids? Do you want to get together and talk about it? What can I do to help?
But it's natural to want to respond with how I feel (since she brought it up), which I'm guessing I shouldn't. I feel that this is a great opportunity since she's opened up to me a bit, so don't want to screw it up.
What would be your normal response to W's email?
