Your POV would be great to show what the attitude of a WAS is like. Since you held it all in and didn't want to actually work with your H to save the marriage, instead choosing to let it eat away at you, you could probably present insight as to what NOT to do.
You should start your own thread and share your story.
I didn't choose to let it eat away at me. I did work on the marriage for years because I loved him and we had a child. Thing is, he didn't work on his side of the street. He kept his independent life and I never felt I got the truth about the affair. I never knew whether it really was a ONS. He still worked with the woman. He told me to grow up and get over my jealousy. He made me feel that since I got the child I longed for he was entitled to his freedom. I was left to get over it and be happy with what I had, and yes I was very happy as a mother. I didn't have the husband I wanted but I had a wonderful daughter, nice job and home and good friends and family. He was often bad-tempered and dissatisfied and I learned to depend on me. It was only when our daughter was into her teens and spending less time with me that I thought about what would happen when she left and I realised that I did not want to be with my husband. For much of the marriage he left me alone while he lived his life and I started to build a life outside the family for me too, with music and friends. I felt during the last few years that my husband had never shown remorse for his arrogance during and after the affair, and anger throughout the marriage and I didn't want to be with someone like that for the rest of my life.
I think MrsOx might be feeling the same way because of what went on in her marriage for years. The affair part with my husband is not similar, but the sense of wrongdoing for many years seems to be similar for her and me. I read Ox's earlier threads and the violent outbursts and general ranting and raving shocked me. I suspect that like me, she does not see the need to stay with a man who made her unhappy once the kids are off her hands. The Db answer to saving the marriage is work on you, GAL and stop trying to control anyone else. I think if Ox can do that he has a chance.
And forgiveness isn't " you stopped your A, we will never talk about it again"
You both need some major major changes if you don't want this fiasco happening again. It's not a let it be done and pretend like it never happened sort of situation .
See, what is it, though? i always thought forgiveness was putting it behind you and never mentioning it again. We tried to do that but I realised years later that all pretending like it never happened did was made him not need to change. What needs to change so this does not happen again to Ox?
Ok, so here we go again...I need to really GAL, I get to focused on my WW.
This morning she says to me you just need to let me go through this...I promise when I'm done we will work on us.
I said work on us? Hopefully you'll stop seeing OM.
She says I just don't know? What is she so afraid of. She's actually dragging this guy around like a puppy, he has it worse then me...I don't get why he puts up with her.
Why would a guy fight so hard for a married woman!
Yeesh...
It's time for me to just not even speak to her...
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
Ok, so here we go again...I need to really GAL, I get to focused on my WW.
This morning she says to me you just need to let me go through this...I promise when I'm done we will work on us.
I said work on us? Hopefully you'll stop seeing OM.
She says I just don't know? What is she so afraid of. She's actually dragging this guy around like a puppy, he has it worse then me...I don't get why he puts up with her.
Why would a guy fight so hard for a married woman!
Why would a guy fight so hard for a married woman?
Because he values her, finds her desirable.
Do you not see your wife that way?
Of course I do, why do you think I am fighting so hard for her. But he is single, no ties to anyone, lives in another country etc...
Thinks he's Gods gift to mankind...etc..
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
Look you have to know that just me self-talking.. Do you honestly think I won't be able to speak to her?
What else do you see as Passive aggressive? Is there something else in my actions?
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
