Just today, when GUBU was here, I got annoyed at him. (What else is new?) You were all in my head as I kept chanting to myself:
"STFU STFU STFU S---T---F--U....
DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!!!!!!"
And I kept my mouth shut. Then I pulled off my long sleeve work shirt layer and worked the rest of the day, right under GUBU's nose, in a paper-thin tank top, push-up bra, and short cut-offs.... YOWZA! He kept sneaking looks at me because I caught him a few times. And I know I'm over 50, but I'm a dancer, ya know? And I grew up with sunscreen...
I'm still keeping it classy though and not too obvious. Doesn't everyone clean the chicken coop with wearing makeup and perfume? (Subtle, now, I'm talking really subtle.) It's about as Passive-Aggressive as I allow myself these days when I get ticked off at some stupid thing he does. Today he locked his truck, like he's afraid I'm going to snoop in it or something, maybe find his Viagra stash... This was just some eye candy--sort of a "Take THAT image back to your "Over 50" dating site and good luck! Just enough of the visuals to remind him what he's got right here at home. And I know he noticed, although he wouldn't dare say a word... ---------------------------------------- I have had a few "Porch Parties. Now my "friends" come with some fancy Organic cigarettes (Hahaha!) He sees this and I know it annoys him. He always gets testy for awhile after he notices. Oh well! What does he think, I'm just sitting here alone night after night pining away? Not on your life!
I've been out GALing every weekend and try to hit a few weeknights as well. Open mics, Blues Jams, dance events, the usual. Live music, get-togethers, dancing.
I'm forcing myself to go more often, if only because it clearly p*sses GUBU off! I have made sure that when he's seen me, he's seen me looking my best. Since I look pretty sharp these days, I know he's noticing. Again, not enough cojones to comment on it. He wouldn't dare.
--------------------------------------------------- Some other updates:
The OW is no more at his work, for at least a month, maybe more. I keep wondering if that day he started to say something, if that was what he was going to say, but just couldn't figure out how to bring it up. Or he worried that it might lead to "R talk". (It wouldn't.) I got a weird invite from him on LinkedIn, I guess he paid to upgrade his profile and he must be connected with her, because she came up as a "suggestion" for me! Yeah---right!!! (Yeah. I can endorse her. She's a slut who slept with my husband, after doing various nasties with him in broom closets, while she was cheating on her husband and leaving her little kids at home while she was "working late". Where do I sign up for that????)
I'd say her departure would be considered relevant information because he knows the fact that she has been working with him all this time is upsetting to me.
Interesting too that her leaving coincided very neatly with my call to her closest co-worker (the phone debacle, back on my older thread), the call in which I said that GUBU had no business texting her in the middle of the night, that she should stay away from him, that he has serious issues, is treating me horribly, that he already had an inappropriate relationship at work, that he was living on a friend's couch, that a divorce was pending, and that he has a serious infection that can be transmitted sexually. All true.)
Well, I figure, maybe she talked to OW and OW decided maybe it WAS finally time to get gone! Here's something interesting:
She was chubby before, now there is a picture of her with her new company, looking so "deflated" that I hardly recognized her. She doesn't even look like the same person.
And it doesn't look like it's that she's gotten in shape. It looks more like the Pillsbury Dough Boy got all the air sucked out of him. She looks haggard, rolls just hanging, face is drawn. In short, she looks miserable! Dumpy, frumpy.. looks like someone who should be on "What NOT to Wear". Why am I not crying?
Ok. I'll stop trashing her for now.
But it makes me think of GUBU. He is short on compassion these days (like, NONE), but even HE must have noticed how awful she looks. I wonder if he realizes it is at least in part due to what HE did to her.
Anyhow, lately he seems to want me to feel "insecure" so I guess keeping this to himself goes along with that.
But tonight.....
-------------------------------------------------
Just tonight, after two nice days of working together on various projects--- He texts me that he won't be here AGAIN on Tuesday. No explanation.... All I said in response was "That's my open mic night". (Which I had to skip last week because he blew me off.) I get this back from H:"I have to interview someone for 'similar to OW' position and that's the only night available." (No details, but he totally tipped his hand.)
I didn't respond, then he texts back: "Really... well it's MY MAKE MONEY night. Good night."
(Implication being, his life is important, reminding me who makes the money around here. Bullying tactics, as usual.) I still STFU.... and then about 30 minutes later, I get: "And I should not have to explain." (He always does that when he's mad. He eliminates his contractions and writes more. As in--I will not, I do not want to...)
Gee--I dunno. Did I ASK him to explain????
Dummy. Tipping his hand, clearly PO'd at me for trying to have a life. -------------------------------- Speaking of "Having a Life"
He has now updated his dating profile with a scary pic of him in dark glasses, As if he thinks he won't be recognized or something... Hiding your eyes. What does that say about you? He also added a montage of pics which include MY LITTLE DOG (who hates him), among other pictures of "our" life where I am notably absent. Trying to sell himself as this vibrant, outdoorsy type. (Nope.)
That really got my hackles up, that he had a pic of MY DOG on there.
Anyhow, these nasty texts came pouring in while I was on that site and saw he was online at the same time. (No, not spying on him, and no, definitely NOT looking to date. Just seeing what's out there...)
I saw he'd looked at my profile several times and perhaps left some messages. (I can't tell without paying, so I'm not positive.) So from his end, he's sent messages and I'm not responding. I don't think he's getting any traction on there. There are tons of better looking, younger guys on there, none of whom mention what they want sexually! (Ugh. Disgusting.)
I updated my "profile" to say that the man I'm interested would actually be single, healthy, ready to start a real relationship now. That if they have a history of infidelity, a wife, are lying about their age or anything else, don't bother contacting me.
Well, after I updated that, I saw he looked at my profile again and read that.
Cue NASTY TEXTS!!!!
BTW--- No way he knows it's me. I think he's just mad that I'm having fun and he can't seem to get it together! If I decided to date, I wouldn't need to do online dating, let's just leave it at that. He doesn't do anything with anyone or go anywhere to meet anyone. He's taking the easy, fantasy-based way of going about it.
And he's still looking for a "serious relationship".
Dude!!! You're MARRIED!!!! And he will be for at least another 18 months.
At which point, he'll be a 65+ year old paying alimony through the nose, a bum knee, a serious health condition, no one to "pet-sit" for him anymore and keep his house clean, and his "Daddy Warbucks" persona won't last much beyond that. He'll have more debt than he can pay off with what he'll have left in our 50/50 split of our IRA/401K.
No doubt in his mind, this has not factored in...
He sees himself as this hip, young-for-his-age, single, happy, romantic guy who is looking for the love he missed in his almost 30 year miserable relationship with ME! He has SO much to offer the "right person" who will solve all his problems, kiss his boo-boos, and make it all better. Wait until she finds out that he doesn't have a pot to p*ss in, a really angry ex, and a house that is still barely habitable. Add in a bunch of dogs and they'll come running!!!
Well, I said I wasn't going to write, but I guess I had some things on my mind. Hahaha! ------------------------------------------ So I think about my pals here all the time, and read your stories every night before bed.
I am enjoying the threads from Maybell, Shining, GeorgiaBelle, Rayzzz, TO....and all the rest.
And my vet friends continue to hand out the awesome advice like cookies at the birthday party nobody wanted to come to.
I am taking all this to heart and working hard. I had to be a little more friendly on a regular basis because doing really dark definitely had the opposite effect over time. He never pursued AT ALL, he just sort of counted me out.
Now I don't pursue at all, but I am around IF he wants to seek me out, I'm happy, upbeat, and I never let him see me sweat. I let him see that I have one foot out the door and that I am not lacking for friends and things to do without him.
I don't initiate any comm unless it's necessary, but I respond back nicely to whatever he sends, and in a timely fashion.
I do my Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, being busy, happy, scarce, and I did give him one "gift", the fancy beer and cigar I got on my last trip---BECAUSE----
HE WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO BUY ALL THE PARTS FOR MY BICYCLE AND GET IT ALL NICE AND CLEANED UP FOR ME!! (This was last week.) So I thought that would be a good time. I just left it for him, with a note, "Thanks for fixing my bike". He thanked me for it later, I just said that I appreciated him doing that for me. End of conversation.
Today he said he went for a ride with his roommate/landlady and said she didn't go far, and he realized that he prefers to ride alone.
Big surprise. He hated running with anyone either.
Maybe one of these days he'll ask me to come.
But knowing him, he's probably waiting for me to invite myself!
He's that much of a wuss these days, sorry to report.
Anyhow, we've had a lot of positive contact, but I guess he's still looking "OUT THERE" for the "RIGHT" person who will make all this go away.
So it goes!
-----------------------
So far, no insight into what those "mystery appointments" have been. I see no credit card or bank charges... it's weird. I imagine that one of these days something will come from the insurance company that will clarify things.
And I bought a new guitar!!! (Rayzzz, it's a TENOR GUITAR!) Something new to tangle with for awhile.
------------------------------------- And the experiment continues....
-----GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
And yes, I could use a good laugh, so I'll be along!
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Your life mirrors Charlotte's Web. Not saying who is Wilbur!
Originally Posted By: GGG
Then I pulled off my long sleeve work shirt layer and worked the rest of the day, right under GUBU's nose, in a paper-thin tank top, push-up bra, and short cut-offs.... YOWZA! He kept sneaking looks at me because I caught him a few times. And I know I'm over 50, but I'm a dancer, ya know? And I grew up with sunscreen...
^^^Whoo-hoo from the barn animals! Nice going right there, GGG. Love how your mind works.
Today he locked his truck, like he's afraid I'm going to snoop in it or something, maybe find his Viagra stash...
MLCers are a tad paranoid nowadays. Trust me on this.
I have had a few "Porch Parties. Now my "friends" come with some fancy Organic cigarettes (Hahaha!) He sees this and I know it annoys him. He always gets testy for awhile after he notices.
Your GAL activities does raise the MLCer's hackles. It is a paradox for us MLCers...we wanna do WHATEVER we damn please and yet get annoyed when our spouses go and have a good time too. Go figure.
He is short on compassion these days (like, NONE), but even HE must have noticed how awful she looks. I wonder if he realizes it is at least in part due to what HE did to her.
Yeah...my empathy chip was out of commission too during my MLC. I was numb. Let me tell you about an incident and it makes me wince just thinking about it. During a family vacation with Ms. Wonka's family at Martha's Vineyard (the one I almost didn't go), one day at the beach Ms. Wonka came to me breathing rapidly and obviously looking a bit scared and said, "Wonka, I almost drowned out there. The waves were big," My response? "Oh" and went right back to doing whatever I was doing. Ugh!!!!
Originally Posted By: GGG
Just tonight, after two nice days of working together on various projects--- He texts me that he won't be here AGAIN on Tuesday. No explanation.... All I said in response was "That's my open mic night". (Which I had to skip last week because he blew me off.) I get this back from H: "I have to interview someone for 'similar to OW' position and that's the only night available." (No details, but he totally tipped his hand.)
I didn't respond, then he texts back: "Really... well it's MY MAKE MONEY night. Good night."
(Implication being, his life is important, reminding me who makes the money around here. Bullying tactics, as usual.) I still STFU.... and then about 30 minutes later, I get: "And I should not have to explain."
Two things pop in my mind when reading H's texts:
-He doesn't want to have to answer to anybody...especially a wife who he perceives as a mother figure -He feels inadequate so he wants to show he's CAPABLE of making money himself
He has now updated his dating profile with a scary pic of him in dark glasses, As if he thinks he won't be recognized or something... Hiding your eyes. What does that say about you? He also added a montage of pics which include MY LITTLE DOG (who hates him), among other pictures of "our" life where I am notably absent. Trying to sell himself as this vibrant, outdoorsy type. (Nope.)
This is H's fantasy in his mind. Trying to paint a fake picture of himself trying to sell himself as the single (or widowed) Prince in Cinderella. Ha! So sad.
At which point, he'll be a 65+ year old paying alimony through the nose, a bum knee, a serious health condition, no one to "pet-sit" for him anymore and keep his house clean, and his "Daddy Warbucks" persona won't last much beyond that. He'll have more debt than he can pay off with what he'll have left in our 50/50 split of our IRA/401K.
At some deep, sub-conscious level H knows this which makes me wonder if he's hanging on to you for this reason AT THIS TIME while he figures out his MLC chit. Doesn't want to lose you as his Plan B in his mind. Sick. I know, I know.
So far, no insight into what those "mystery appointments" have been. I see no credit card or bank charges... it's weird. I imagine that one of these days something will come from the insurance company that will clarify things.
Keep on with your uke outside on your porch during your famous Porch Parties...you'll find out soon enough.
Thanks for checking up on me and sharing your kooky wisdom.
I missed you too!
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I had a marriage counselor justify my H's cheating by saying that to me. He was getting his needs met. I was livid.
No. An affair is emotional abuse. Period.
We all go with unmet needs from time-to-time. That's marriage...kids, bills, jobs, etc...
If he was unhappy in the marriage, then he coulda gotten OUT of the marriage and THEN found another mate. He didn't. He chose to disrespect me and dishonor our children by cheating while still within the bounds of marriage.
Sorry, this really gets me going. It's like blaming a rape victim.
It's emotionally abusive to cheat on your spouse. It just is. It's abandoning a relationship and partner BEFORE you give them any chance to mend what's wrong.
Yes, yes, yes!!!!!!! Thank you! That is such a friggin cop-out to say needs weren't met. Well, WTF! I still don't know what needs I wasn't meeting, so how could I have possibly have met them?! I worked 2 jobs, was grieving my nephew's death, dealing with my mom's breast cancer, work was extremely stressful, 2 kids, a house with major renovations, rental properties to run (along with redoing one), and a flood to clean up after. Sorry- was running on survival at the time. Thought we were in it together. Apparently I didn't give enough... what about my needs? I didn't need anyone to show me special attention during this time. I didn't look elsewhere to feel better about myself. And for someone to make themselves available to a married man during that time- f her too!
