Ready for some forum help

[MrBond]

"No complaints here, that is the same thing she would tell you."

That is mindreading. Obviously there is something wrong. ALL marriages have some kind of conflict. Are you honestly telling me that you and your W NEVER had any disagreements? That doesn't sound right at all.

[NewB3]

That's just it I think the only thing we have argued about is her lack of interest in sex. As I mentioned before it was not a big issue but it kept on and on and we discussed it and she was having some physical problems. She knows the importance of love and sex in a marriage and was very understanding so for me she said let's schedule this. That works great for a while and we were both happy however overtime things were shoved under the rug and it became mechanical and routine. We had a very passionate relationship in the beginning all the way up until our child was born and even a little after that. She cared for me like no other woman and I cared for her like no other man. At least that's what I understood. Because there is no honest and open communications about any other issues I'm completely unaware and therefore when I was blindsided with this divorce process I am at a loss. I really dug deep in thought about things I may have done wrong and apologize for them as little as they might be. I come up with a list of six maybe eight things that I had done over our complete relationship that may have caused her to feel this way. I wrote them down wrote down my answer to how I really felt about it and I read this to her and waited to answer questions. There were no questions the only thing I was told was thanks for sharing I appreciate that. Or I would get thank you for saying that. You see I have apologized for things and shown her through actions that I am working on being a better person. I have not said anything to her about our relationship as I'm not supposed to but she has never wants out right offered anything to help me understand why she wants this divorce. As far as mind reading the reason I gave you the answer I did above is because she has told me that about herself from the beginning so I was simply repeating that she is introverted and thinks too much. I hope this gives you some answers so that you can help me I really don't know what else to say.

[NewB3]

Racking my brain here. I do remember one thing that was mentioned this was post bomb drop. Her parents once they were told by her that she wanted to divorce were very upset the day she was going to the attorney her mother called and he's been up all night and she was talked out of it. Come to find out she was just talked out of going to talk to an attorney about what the process would be. She put it off for about a month and a half that's when she went divorce trap.
She shared with me that she was going to put things on hold after talking to her mom that day in March. And that she just needed more time for herself. She needed to get out of the house and be able to go do things. I told her that was not a problem and immediately sprung into action it is been that way ever since she has more free time to go shopping to get out of the house. I understand she works from home and is in the house all day every day during the week. She took care of our small child mostly by herself I explained above how I tried not to interfere and tell her how to parent but anytime she needed help I would definitely lend a hand. Not saying that I was a couch potato or not around I just would not intervene until I saw things were getting out of hand then I would immediately help. She has more time to herself like I said she doesn't even ask anymore man go do this can I go do that. When she did ask it was always no problem sure I'll take care of the kids. At first this seemed very selfish and the more I thought about it I realize she was just being honest and her needs. Other than those things I have no idea why she wants out I have no idea what I've done she said she just feels that way. She doesn't feel the same about this marriage anymore. So yes Mr. Bond I've gotten vague answers other than the specifics mentioned above. This is why I wrote to the court and my answer that we need at minimum 12 therapy sessions from a neutral therapist and get some answers and communication going about what our issues could be. You see the legal papers said irreconcilable differences. I point out in my answer that there has been no attempt or discussion about reconciliation. My dilemma here is when we get to therapy next week and she says to the therapist that she wants to divorce and he looks at me and I say I want to reconcile that's automatically what I would think is going to make her dig her heels in. I put in the court papers that we would go for reconciling or closure so I'm not sure what to tell the therapist. I know I can work this in such a way that he won't know I prefer to reconcile and she will feel that I'm there to just work out issues. She is very funny about who knows about this divorce she's asked if I tell someone that I let her know that that person knows. She is also requested that we sit down and do this peacefully from the beginning however I was not going to settle and discuss division of assets prior to giving my answer. As I said before she has an attorney and I do not and I chose to ignore her settlement because I knew it was going to be a one-sided beginning to a long discussion. I chose not to discuss those things at this point and move forward with my answer in getting counseling in hopes of turning this thing around.

[NewB3]

Tonight I came home and had picked up Chinese. I figured I would get home before them. She commented that I did not call, I said I thought I would arrive before them. She ate and enjoyed. Looked exhausted. She is not sleeping well, I know Mondays couples therapy is weighing heavy. I simply said, you look tired. She said yes and that she had attempted a nap at lunch, but slept maybe 5 minutes. I told her I would take over with S3.5 for the night. I told her I knew being tired made her job tough, but she can get some rest tonight. "I know it is hard to function with little sleep"
Later I told her goodnight from the bedroom door. Told her thank you for being a good mom.
Interactions are weird. Detaching, but feeling the need to stil be the guy she would be a fool to leave...compliments, help with anything, dinners, etc.

[NewB3]

Looking for some vet input. I have said all I can say, other than just updating daily. Anyone?

[unbidden]

I think you might get more responses if you asked specific questions you might be having. In the message second above, it looks just like you're journaling and not seeking input.

[NewB3]

Am I doing things correctly?
Do I just tell the psychologist on Monday that I want to reconcile? How do I deal with her attitude after that?
I think I should tell him that I want to work on things and not just walk away.

Do I keep doing the things I am doing and/or are there other things I can do? Looking for guidance. Tried to answer mr.bonds questions the best I could above and then journaled.

[NewB3]

I feel that at therapy Monday I will say reconcile and she will say she does not want to. She has told me this only once in the past. Where do I go from there in therapy? I am so nervous. I want to get to the bottom of our issues and see if there is hope. Isn't that reconciling? Or is this just looking at things with rose colored glasses? If she does not want to work on us, but just there to help me have some closure is there any hope? Does anyone have experience in that situation?

[NewB3]

Going out with a buddy for drafts. Wife at home with S 3.5. Hope to see some positives soon. I would like input on my questions above. Going to GAL and continue 180's. I need some specifics on what else I can do. See above. Thanks all!

[NewB3]

Feeling down about all this today. Looking for answers is a long search.....