CSan - Filed, moving and life goes on....

[CS000]

So I had a sleep over with my STBXH last night which was very nice. We woke up and stayed in bed joking around being playful like in the beginning of our R. We also ML again this morning. Once we were up, he was heading to the old house and asked me to join him and his kids for breakfast at IHOP. It was a good time and the kids seemed okay with me. They all left to look at furniture and on the way back he text me to let me know that he was fine with the girls going with me to get our nails done since I did ask them about during Breakfast. Well I picked up the girls and we got pedicures and manicures. The oldest D 15 was more talkative which I did try with the youngest D 13 too. I think it was a good time and when I dropped them off to my STBXH, we were joking and talking. The kids said bye headed into the house and my STBXH walked me to my car and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. Not sure what to think except to just keep going

[Meghan]

This all sounds pretty positive to me, but I think you're absolutely right to keep focused on keeping going with this. You seem to have a good sense of what changes are producing results, so keep up with those and make sure he still has the space that he seems to need to help him to feel better.

[CS000]

Thanks Meghan. I'm trying very hard to not have expectations, give him space and not pressure. I hope I can continue making progress....We are nearing the D date and it's so contrary that things are better especially compared to 5 months ago. Long way to go and I don't want to read too much into anything or stop going down the path of self improvement. With that being said, I'm grateful.

[Meghan]

I don't want to threadjack, but this is rather heartening to read, particularly so close to the D. Things have been feeling really dire over here these last few days, and it's just so nice to see that positive changes can actually happen, even when things were looking pretty bad.

[CS000]

Thanks Meghan but I am no where near piecing as I am waiting for the decree to be signed :-(
I feel a bit unsure about things in general and I wonder if this is normal? I still care for my STBXH but I am afraid that by being intimate it is ruining a possible R and/or it being successful but I'm getting ahead of myself. I am at loss how to start over with my STBXH. My STBXH did text to check on us after a tornado was spotted here. I was so scared but thank God no one in town was hurt. We texted back and forth a little with me responding last and nothing back from him is how it goes. Then a few hours later he text me that he is bringing the couch over with his friend. They brought it in and at one place my H said Careful Babe which was his pet name for me. I didn't acknowledge it just helped put the couch down. They left and my H told me that I could stop by the old house for my laptop. I went by and him and his son were moving the dressers. In the end my H brought over 2 dressers, my recliners and a nightstand with his son. He said we shouldn't be sitting on the floor. My STBXH even helped me set up the dressers in the boys room where I told him Thank you very much and he gave me a kind of long hug and said he wanted to make sure the boys and I were comfortable. He sent me a random text this afternoon and then mentioned bringing over more things today. He just called about things to make a roast in the crock pot and I told him what I do. He then brought up My D 17 having her laptop as I had said that I was keeping it. Well that changed because my 1st XH said that she needed it for school over there as him and his wife needed each of theirs for school. My STBXH said I thought you were keeping it. And i told him why but he said She probably bitched about it to her dad. I didn't say anything else and he said he would try to bring the stuff over tonight and he said he had to go. My S 12 asked to talk to him and they spoke for a few minutes before hanging up. That's one thing that my STBXH hates is people changing their minds and not doing what they said they were going to do. I'm not too concerned about how he feels about it as I know how he feels but it didn't matter as it was between me and my 1st XH. I am just going to keep going and I can't control or change his opinion or mind about things. Sometimes I think that until he deals with the anger/resentment he has with me and my family, we can't fully restart a new R. And if he can't ever get over things, then it's probably not a good thing for a future R for us

[CS000]

Well, it's is final. The divorce decree came in yesterday as my XH text me and also said that he needs my stuff out of the house in a week since he might be moving. He asked if I could go last night and I told him after 730 pm I could. He then said don't worry about it since I'm too busy going out. He said I have my priorities messed up as I am going out instead of moving out. He then proceeded to say that I was not to contact any of his children and to leave my key to the house and military ID in the mail box last night after I was done drinking. I told him I would get my stuff out and that I would be out of his life for good. So that's where things are. I'm not going to continue DBing to reconcile with my XH. I'm done with him. I wished him well and I hoped he gets better and has a good life. Also told him I want to be civil. I am going to sell my wedding rings change my last name and get rid of any kind of things from my M.

[Maybell]

I'm sorry you're in that place. I hope you find happiness, peace, and fulfillment in your new chapter.

[CS000]

I have seen myself for what I really am and I am disgusted, disappointed and really sad...I thought I was a good person and mom but I have decieved myself. My XH is right for leaving me and I deserve this pain. I only wish I could rectify my mistakes. I have been selfish and God help me because I really needed it to be a better person and mom. I threw away a good man by not giving or loving enough. I pray that he gets better and finds happiness. Just need prayers please on this road to healing

[Meghan]

CSan,

I understand the feelings of wanting to blame yourself - I really, really do - but don't take on all of the responsibility for this. It's so easy to point fingers entirely at yourself, but your husband has also made choices. He has also contributed to this. This should not be all on your shoulders.

I think it's important to recognize the places that you could improve so you can work on them going forward, but please be gentle on yourself. You do not "deserve" this pain.

I'm sending lots of good thoughts your way.

[CS000]

Thank you MB. I hope to fix myself and focus on my kids...