. Should I tell her that I don't like her making contact with him like this? Giving
I have a feeling she already knows you don't like it, and that's why they were meeting secretly. So much for your friend giving his word! Of course, your W never gave hers.
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What I want to do is draw the boundaries. But afraid it may back fire on our progress. I know she will look at it as controlling. How do I set boundaries without seeming to control?
First, what progress are you talking about? And why are you worried about boundaries being a backfire more than them meeting together after you told them to end things?
Boundaries are not to control the other person. It is to protect yourself. If anyone is being controlled here, it's you. You have allowed their behavior to control you!
They are not going to stop this A just b/c you found out about it, or b/c he promised to end it. They think they have it made....b/c you are helping them keep it from OM's wife. So they will continue to carry it forward. Seems to me your W and your best friend should be shaking in their shoes, wondering what you will do.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi cq1! I thought I'd check in on you on your thread. How are you doing?
I didn't really know your full story before, I just read through it. What a nightmare, and we do seem to have a few things in common indeed. I too was always "caring for" my S too much. Even after he starting acting like a distant jerk, I still felt bad not doing his laundry, cooking for him, and picking up after him. It felt good to stop and say "no I won't do that!"
I hope things are going well for you. Just wanted to say hi. Hugs, Lisa
Me: 34 H: 30 M: 4 years BD: 6/15/14 He moved out 6/30/14 OW1: EA then PA after BD Now he's dating multiple OWs I'm over it and moving on.
Hey Lisa, thanks for stopping by. I over heard W on the phone the other day with OM. I heard bits and pieces. She said she will wait for OM. Im crushed. The OM W found out about the A. It was not by me. I think she found evidence on his phone. I confronted her about her feelings and the on going A. She denied everything. She's playing me until our finance is a bit more stable. This is my gut feeling. Sandi2 is right, I can't trust her until she puts effort to earn my trust. She hasn't. I'm sad, really sad. I don't even want to face her anymore. I know the things I say to her she goes back and tells him everything. Well, I'm going to hang in there.
Update... I have decided to use Starsky approach with my Sit. I laid it out to my W that the affair will be exposed. I will file the d. She lost my respect and trust. No more Mr. Pleaser guy for her. Going to get my own life together and stronger with my kids. I learned about boundaries. I drew the circle (boundry) around me. She's not included and I am accepting it. The lies and deceit she has been giving me everyday is unbearable painful. Even today when I was laying it all out, she says that she has not spoken to him. A plain straight out lie in front of my face because I heard them and phone records show she talked to him for over an hour yesterday. It's just too much to bear and that's why I have decided to choose this path now. She shed tears as i was calmly telling her. It didnt phase me because i cared but i do t care anymore. I feel now that it has come down to The last resort of The last resort. It's up to her to choose her path. I'm done.
Heh cq. My thoughts are with u. Stay strong during your dark moments and I'm sure it'll get better.
M 35 W 31 D 10 Married 3 years Together 11 Single since Nov 13 Moved out Dec 13 ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more' OM confirmed Jun 14
I think it was the right thing to do buddy. Im sure that part of you wants it to shock her and kick her in the ass here. It might be the only thing that works in your sitch. If it doesnt, then nothing would have anyway. You have enough self respect to not put up with it and I think thats great. I personally hope that this is a wakeup call for her. Best of luck to you!
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
