Dealing with WAW Part 2

[rayzzz]

Yeah Pilot you are wise to let her lead. The showing some interest but not being enthusiastic is what I would practice in the detaching realm and make sure you have tons of validiation as your first answer to her :"that must have really hurt you....I can see why you have felt that way"stuff. Great that you are still the turtle and not the hare... Slow and steady buddy. 4Cs .....like reeling in a walleye....that line is only so strong but with the right finesse you will have some good eatting ! Cheering you on

[pilot]

Not too much new from today. Maybe a dozen benign texts from her. I sent her a couple of videos I took while sitting with my S5 at lunch...he was being cute drawing on his menu and she was texting me about her being at a place with her parents. She is supposed to be here Wednesday to look at a couple of schools with me, but I really have no idea if she plans on going back that evening (4 hour drive) or if she plans on staying here. I guess I will know on Wednesday. Or probably sooner. I will ask the next time we are talking if she plans on leaving Thursday morning because she may not even think she is welcome to stay. This would give the implication she is welcome without me actually having to ask her to stay overnight.

[pilot]

So here I was wondering if my W was going to be staying overnight Wednesday when she comes into town to view the schools. She Facetimes with my S5 today, and she tells him she will be seeing him on Wednesday and bringing him back to <her parents> on Thursday. Ok, so that question answered. Should be interesting because there if she stays here, there is really only one choice and that is in my room in my bed. Being a resort town in season means I doubt she will go the hotel route. Maybe a friends place? All irrelevant anyways, but interesting to see how it plays out as *Spoiler Alert...mind reading* it will in some way play into her line of comfort.

Taking bets now...

[pilot]

Looking for some helpful advice. I have the detach part down, and as I have discussed earlier, probably too well. So well that I really am stuck on "reaching out". My W is coming into town tomorrow morning and we will be viewing schools. She will be staying overnight at a friends place down the street. She will be spending the day however with the kids and I, and swimming with us after the school stuff is over.

My question is, I am reasonably sure if I asked her to dinner/drinks in the evening after the kiddos are settled in for the night, she will accept. I say reasonably because I am guessing based on her past actions of reaching out plus just knowing her as a person.

Do I do this? Do I do it prior to her getting here as she was asking about what time we (me, the kids, her) were doing things so she could make plans for the rest of the time she was here? Do I wait until to tomorrow and play it by ear and hope that IF she is amicable she has not already made other plans? Or do I not even do it at all?

I am not chomping at the bit to go on a date nor am I trying to rush things, but i also recognize given her recent outreach, and the circumstances of her being here overnight, gives an opportunity to have an evening together. Its the reaching out part I am uncertain of how or even when to proceed. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!

[oad]

pilot I say do it only if you don't care what her response is, meaning that if she says no then you are good either way. You have come a long way, don't loose your ground...maybe suggest to her at the pool if she would like a drink, then as the day goes by casually say "man im hungry, how about you?" then if you make it that far order drinks at dinner, that way she wont feel like you asked her out on a date, it will look like it just happened.

[pilot]

That was my thinking as well. My only concern is if she makes plans prior, then I will no ask. So even if she was amicable, it would have been a missed opportunity.

[oad]

I hear ya...that's a pickle. If you ask her first and she says no would you feel akward at the pool with her?

[pilot]

not at all. the joys of detachment

[oad]

then by all means ask her...maybe say something like"Hey you got plans for after the pool? I was wondering if we can grab a bite to eat and then maybe go back to my place for some desert..." ok leave the desert part out...lol but you get my drift..

[pilot]

Oh well. It's done. I saw an opening in our text conversation. We were discussing where we were going to meet when she got in town.

W: At Moe's or somewhere else?

Me: Moes if you want. Or <another place> or anywhere else is fine

Me: We can have moes for lunch if you would like to get something nicer for dinner after the kiddos are settled in for the evening

W: Ok that is fine.

Me: I thought we could try the 'fine dining' at <a beachy touristy spot but lots of fun>. (The fine dining is kinda a joke between us because there really is no fine dining near here)

W: Haha ok!


So it seems we will be having dinner...