What to Do III

[Meghan]

I can honestly say that I feel 10x better about life in general on a daily basis since working on it.

This is really awesome! I hope it makes a big difference in everything else in your life, too, including your DBing.

[Nettles]

I can honestly say that I feel 10x better about life in general on a daily basis since working on it.

Would you be at this point right here, right now if W hadn't done what she did? It is the most painful, best gift you've gotten.

[Ben2010]

Got another call from the W last night. This one was even friendlier than the last one. She was in the car with her 12 year old niece and they were going to get something to eat. She talked to me about how her sister was really starting to irritate her because she has stopped being friendly to her when she comes over. I didnt think she would do that in front of her niece as it is her mom, but the niece agrees with her so I guess its ok to her.

She ended up letting me go so that they could jam out to some music on the way home, but then called me back about 30 minutes later. We talked for about an hour and a half more. She asked me if I wanted to go to the movies tonight, but I told her that I couldnt because I have to work until midnight. Also told her that I had gotten a deal through work for a restaraunt that she likes alot. $3 for a $25 gift certificate but you had to spend $50 to use it. Told her that she could use that with her family or when they order it for lunch at work because you have to spend that much to use it. She told me no that if I got it for her, she would be going with me. I said that we dont spend anywhere near $50 when we go there. She said "well I guess we will have a lot of spaghetti then" and laughed.

All in all a great convo. She told me some embarassing stories about herself too that I had never heard before! Some of which were ridiculous and made me laugh extremely hard. No R talk at all, which is how I would like it to stay for right now. Eventually Im sure we will end up talking about it, but not now.

The only thing that concerns me about this is that she is not really talking to her sister right now. Im hoping that she isnt just turning to me temporarily because her normal outlet is not available. Either way if it is, I have still made some strides with her and a positive impact on her with the "newer" me. I dont want to say "new" because Im not finished.

[Ben2010]

Nettles,
Long time since Ive heard from you lol. Great to see you again.

I absolutely would not be where I am now without her doing this. I think about that all the time. It really is a gift. You are forced to take a long look at yourself and really take notice to what you dont like about yourself. And hell yes its been the most painful gift Ive ever gotten. I cant even think of anything in my life that compares to the pain of this situation and my heart goes out to all of those out there that have it worse than I do.

Thanks for stopping in Nettles. Always a pleasure to get comments from you.

[Ben2010]

Wife just emailed me and asked if I want to go to IHOP tonight when I get off of work. So I guess Im going to IHOP. Then she starts sending me pictures of waffles LOL. This whole thing is a bit strange how quickly they can turn around. I have to be careful because Im sure that she can shut back down just as fast.

[Ben2010]

So last night went well. She picked me up with her niece and we drove out to eat. Had a great joking conversation in the car and I tried to mainly talk to her niece. Ive known her since she was about a year old and we have always gotten along very well. In fact I would say that Im her favorite besides my W.

We got to the restaraunt and continued on with the good atmosphere. We were taking some quiz online about how "southern" we were. Niece-72%, W-68%, me-28%...lol.

We ate and had a good meal. We tried to run away and leave her niece behind, didnt work lol. She drove me back to my place and I could tell that she wanted a real kiss but wasnt gonna do it, so I did it and it worked out well. Told her goodnight and started making my way up the stairs. She yelled out the window that I could go to the amusement park with them today, but I let her know that I had to work unfortunately. I could have easily called in to work today, but I dont want to seem too available.

Got a call from her when she got to her sisters house to housesit and had about a 20 minute long pleasant convo. All in all, a great night for me. Things are really looking good for us right now. Im still trying to be careful about it and not rush it at all. Letting her take the lead on the whole thing. Should be going over to my brother's house today after work to have a cookout.

[pilot]

Awesome Ben. Keep it up.

[Mat]

It's awesome to see great people enjoy success. Can't wait to read more!

[Ben2010]

Thanks Mat I appreciate your support.

Since you wanted to hear more...here goes.

So I didnt "speak" with her on Saturday night, but she was texting me while I as over at my brothers house. Asking what I was doing and such. Told her that I would be leaving soon since his W's gay friend had just arrived. I am not homophobic or anything like that before anyone gets upset about that. He is just a very obnoxious person in general and makes it to where we cant even watch TV over ther because he is constantly talking.

She texted me back jokingly asking if he and I were going to go out and if thats why I was leaving. I of course couldnt be outdone and text her back yes and would she please stop texting me because I didnt want him to suspect anything. Next thing I know she is texting me every 10 seconds with a bunch of nonsense LOL.

I headed home and she asked me if I wanted to go out after church on Sunday or if I was busy. I said "well obviously Im free now..." She must have really gotten some laughs out of that based on her reply. She told me that it was my turn to pick since she picked last time. I suggested dinner and a walk downtown. She agreed and said it sounded like fun. Said goodnight and that was it for Saturday.

Sunday came around and I got a text asking if I was going to church. Told her yes. She said that she would pick me up and we could go together. I said alright.

She picked me up pretty much right on time. Of course I had been ready for about an hour because I wanted to look my best. I had already gotten a haircut earlier. Put on an oxford and some cologne and looked great. Church went well, she sat right up next to me and talked to me alot(yeah I know its church and you arent supposed to talk). She was whispering very close in my ear and I think she was doing it on purpose. It was really getting to me. So as soon as church was over she pretty much ran out to the car and waited for me to get done talking with her family. They actually talked to me this time and knew we were going out on a date unlike last time.

So date time! I suggested a restaraunt that we had never been to before and thats where we went. The food was a bit expensive but well worth it. Was a place with no TVs and we just sat there and talked. The food took forever even though they werent busy. I wasnt upset though because I got a lot of time to talk with her. She looked amazing btw. We decided that we would go get ice cream afterwards. We did however spend about 30 minutes driving around downtown so we could find another restaraunt that she wanted me to go to with her.

Went and got ice cream and walked a bit. Was a good time. Not much into ice cream anymore like I guess I was when I was a kid though. We both agreed on that LOL. Went back to "our" place and talked for about 2 hours. I thought she was just going to leave, but she was showing me all kinds of animals and stuff that she had been looking at with her niece. She sat right up next to me on the couch, she had never done this even during our good times. We had our own spots.

She did tell me during our conversation that the only reason that we werent having sex that night is because she was on her period. We havent had sex in 2 months or so now. Anyway sorry this is so long, dont want to leave too much out. She ended up leaving but we had a really good but short makeout session. My favorite part of the night!!!

Talked to me on the way home and we had decided to go zip lining for the next date or maybe the one after. Im pretty excited about that. We dont normally do things like that. She was also upset when she realized that I have to work until 12 all this week. She said that she wanted to come over during the week to "watch a movie".

Sorry again trying to finish this but more keeps coming. We talked about getting a new apartment too and some new furniture. It was as if there was no question to her that we were working it out.

A great night overall and things seem to be going very well right now. Im sure I will have forgotten something here and post the rest of it.

[Mat]

No worries there's no redundant info there. I have severe bouts of keyboard diarrhea myself, so not one to judge!

This is all amazing stuff. But at this point, what's your strategy for assessing whether to make the big move? What signal are you waiting for, and how do you plan to make sure you don't slip back into old habits?

I'm not saying this to be negative, in fact, this is quite a positive; you may be coming out of LRT, and getting ready to build a brand new healthy relationship!