Wife officially walked away just over a month ago

[BigMac]

Mr Bond - So, we both lost about 100 lbs each 3 years ago or so. She got plastic surgery (new boobs, fixed a lazy eye, and dental surgery in 2011. She had a kidney fail in 2012, and then got new skills and a job. the first half of 2014

Yes, she was severely depressed (as was I) during the downward spiral, and I guess that she is still depressed now (I know I am). The worst part is, after 3 weeks of her not coming home, and not communicating at all with me I stood up and said "I love you so much, and I deserve to be loved. I am going on the road for 3 weeks for work anyways, and I am leaving you so we can figure this stuff out). She had said some amazingly hurtful things right before, and I just wanted her to love me.

For the 14 years of our relationship, I had always been the rock. I had always been the one to be there for her when she had a hard time. I always got us through it. I wasn't there that time. I was weak.

She came out to the car, threw the key away and held me as I sobbed for 3 hours in her arms. She showed me love, but I think I pushed her over the edge and into the arms of a new job and an exciting new man, place or thing.

She dropped the bomb on me roughly 3 weeks later, after a decent into madness of pressuring me to sleep with other women (in the name of her wanting my Mojo back). I think she was just trying to get me to take the first shot across the bow so she wouldn't have guilt for doing the same.

When we first met she was a single mom, high school dropout when we met (she was 18, I was 19). I took her in and started caretaking (co-dependant bullshit). So, she never really had a chance to stand for herself. She has always acted like a teenager financially, and decision wise. And I wasn't wise enough to realize that I just needed to back up and let her make her own mistakes and she would grow.

Now, I keep classifying this as a MLC / WAW. Do you guys not think this is a MLC?
She has been not mean to me lately (at least the past 6 weeks) Though she has been only sporadically reaching out. I am so confused, I just want my best friend back. I want my family back together. I want a chance to get it right again.

I am working on myself, detaching as a seriously co-dependant spouse has been one of the hardest things ever, but I am working super hard to do it. I am getting a life. I am taking flight lessons, friends are teaching me to swing dance, I have been traveling, and I'm really doing an OK job at being a father to my son (my daughter has withdrawn, and I'm trying my best there too).

It is really hard. I am very thankful for this board, and the DB coaches. I don't trust myself to make decisions right now, and I appreciate all the guidance I can get.

[BigMac]

Pilot, I had another lesson today. We did power off stalls, and uncontrolled airfield work. The last lessons I had were 21 years ago, but apparently the muscle memory is still there.

[pilot]

Pilot, I had another lesson today. We did power off stalls, and uncontrolled airfield work. The last lessons I had were 21 years ago, but apparently the muscle memory is still there.

I made the mistake of telling my flight instructor I had spent a night out drinking the day before. He said it was time to work on unusual attitude recovery.

I am sure you are loving the flying lessons. Once you get your private pilot, go straight into IFR. You will be a much safer pilot once you do.

[BigMac]

Thanks for the tip on IFR. From what I hear, I can get that covered under GI bill too Definitely looking forward to it. If anything it gets my mind of the W

[Roid76]

I am just going to say a hard thing. It may be best at the moment to try and figure out what you did, your end of the M negatives. Try not to focus on her problems and what she is doing, but do more for you. I didn't listen to this at first and paid the emotional price. It's hard, but worth examining your problems to try and fix those. It also will make it easier to detach and GAL.

[BigMac]

I have been focusing on that, The biggest thing has been addressing my PTSD and Co-Dependance issues.

Getting treatment for Trauma has been huge. My nervous system was turned to 8. It was impossible to have a conversation without activating flight or flight syndrome.

I've also been working on my communication skills. I was talking, but not listening. (I've been working on Dialogue as well as Active Listening).

I'm down 56 lbs since Christmas, and just got into size 33's that I haven't been able to wear since 2011.

So, great advice to work on me. The past 6 weeks have been intense work on me, as well as being there for my kids.

The biggest thing, is I lost myself in our relationship. I am finding who the heck I really am, and trying to connect with that person.

[BigMac]

Operation GAL continuing today.

1. Ate at the lunch counter with S8 (done)
2. Going to see if there are any fashionable suits to wear next week
3. Getting some new fitted shirts in loud colors
4. Getting a personal shopper at Nordstroms to help me out with some clothes
5. Taking S8 to see the new Planet of the Apes movie

[BigMac]

Ok, mission accomplished I -

Ate breakfast with S8
Bought a kenneth cole pinestripe suit, in a skinny size
Picked up some new shirts, that are loud and my size
Picked up some nice jeans from Bloomingdales
Picked up some new chucks
Took S8 to see the new planet of the apes
Bought most of the books on D15's book list for her birthday
Went to the Post Office to fix why mail hasn't been being delivered (the W was responsible for that, and well... my life was a mess)

I still ended up crying in my room, while I wrote out a birthday card for the W that I will never be able to send (I ended up just burying it in one of her underwear drawers)

So, good day of getting a life, still dealing with the emotional rollercoaster that happens during holidays / birthdays, well.. on everyday.

[Thornton]

I consider your day a success. A step in the right direction. Keep going.

[chip247]

That sounds like a good day to me, that is the big positive to come out of my own sitch, me & my son & getting to spend lots of time together doing stuff we both enjoy.
We went to see the new Transformers, which was way too long & will go see Planet of the apes next.