What to Do III

[Ben2010]

link to previous thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2460855#Post2460855

Looks like we are on the same page Thorn. Also not sure if I told you but apparently earlier this week she came and picked up a few clothing items while I was at work. It kind of discouraged me a bit but then I let it go. I just tell myself that she is getting some nice clothes for our date lol.

[Thornton]

No worries, she's just tired of wearing the same thing over and over. She didn't get ALL her clothes right?

[Ben2010]

No it looks like she tried to make it look she wasnt there, but she picked up maybe 4 shirts. The good thing though is that the house was clean. That was always something I didnt do well. The funny part about that is that I cleaned it the week she left and it has remained clean with minor tidying up the whole time. Im not trying to say that she was the dirty one...but she was the dirty one.

[Thornton]

Go figure!

[PeterV2]

LOL! I keep my house fairly clean. I sweep the kitchen once every 2-3 weeks. But I'm hardly ever in the kitchen. She was in the kitchen daily because she loves to cook. So she swept it every 2-3 days. She's commented the she appreciates that I keep the house clean.
Maybe she wasn't necessarily the dirt one - just that she spent more time there and hence dragged more dirt in. It's just a usage thing I think.
Yeah, don't sweat it about the stealthy clothes pick-up. Probably just getting a change. Women need to keep it fresh. It's a good sign that she's taking care of herself. Want to look good for your date. You should go out and buy yourself a new shirt - something in the color she likes. And don't mention it during the date. She may notice "oh you got a new shirt?" But don't dwell on it.

[Ben2010]

Yeah I think youre right Pete. I am kinda weighing it out whether I should do the new shirt or not. On one hand it might make a good impression. On the other hand it would show that Im "trying" to hard I think. I would tend to lean towards getting the new shirt but Im not sure about it yet.

About the clothes pickup, I wasnt too worried about it. I would have been if she had picked up a bunch of clothes though. Like I said it seemed to only be about 4 shirts. My brother keeps telling me that he thinks that she might come back this weekend after our date based on the way things are going. I cant even describe how happy that would make me right now. I dont expect it, but right now to me its like that daydream that you have about winning the lottery. I know thats kinda cheesy, but thats how it is for me lol.

[PeterV2]

Hey, man. Be careful. If she comes back don't be too eager. You still have to play it cool. I know you'll be jumping out of your skin with joy. But too much enthusiasm can backfire. My W came back one night and we ML and I was in heaven. But I think I was too enthusiastic. She hasn't come back since. Maybe I scared her off a bit. Every Sitch is different though.
Get the shirt. You're not trying too hard - it's just a friggin shirt. Don't read too much into it - she won't. It's in Sandi's rules:

13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times! In other words, be the best I can be and look the best I can look at all times. Even when wearing jeans and T-shirt, wear good cologne, because it does cause her to take notice.

And keep your cool.

[Thornton]

What's the word Ben???

[Ben2010]

Thornton,
So we went on the date on Saturday. I had to call her at like 5:30 to confirm that we were going, but she seemed like she hadnt forgotten about it or anything. We met at the restaraunt at 8:30. Actually I was there around 8:20 and she was already there in the parking lot. This is not common with her. She is usually late anywhere she goes, with everything. I was kind of surprised. My brother seems to think it means something good as far as it being important to her or a big deal. Like I said it was not like her at all. She also looked amazing. I told him that I would be able to tell how much it mattered to her based on how much of an effort she put into getting ready. We sat in the restaraunt for about an hour. She talked to me about everything that had happened with her last week. I paid attention this time instead of staring off at the TV like I usually do. She can talk for hours without any input lol. She told me that her old boss offered her a job at another location for her company in Juno Beach, FL. She asked me if we were to work it out what would I think about moving to FL. I told her that I figured she wouldnt do that because of her attachment to her family. She surprised me then and told me that she thought that was part of her problem. That she needed to stop being afraid of doing stuff. So I said ok, just letting her talk. I told her that I would probably be up for it and that I could learn how to surf which I have always wanted to do. Anyway, she talked for about 30 more minutes or so and we had some laughs and both agreed that our server was terrible. Oh yeah, as soon as I saw her I told her that she looked good. I didnt want to sound fake and say something that I would normally never say. She didnt really acknowledge that except to say that she has been swimming alot lately, referring to her tan. I then told her that her tan had a good contrast with her blonde hair and that it looked good. Then she told me thanks. I know she isnt used to getting compliments from me, so im trying not to come off as fake. Its not that I dont think she is beautiful because I do. Its that for some reason it feels weird to me to say it and thats something Im trying to get over. So I think it will be weird to her for a while too.

So then we went to the movies to saw 22 JS. We both got a lot of laughs out of that movie. At one point though I did test the waters and put my hand on her leg. She didnt move it or anything but also didnt put her hand on mine like she normally would have. It felt a little awkward to me so I moved it back after aout 20 seconds. My brothers wife seems to think that she was happy about it but scared to react because then I would think that she was back in already. Im not sure, but thats coming from a woman. It felt weird for about 10 minutes after that, but maybe that was just me. Then we got back to laughing and talking.

When the movie was over she drove me back to my truck and told me thanks for the movie and dinner. I said yeah it was fun. Then she said she was going to go ahead and go. I said ok. She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. That is the first time since she left that she has kissed me at all. It felt like a friend zone thing, but again my brothers wife told me that it wasnt. Told me that she wouldnt do that if she didnt want to and that it was probably a making up for the hand holding thing since she didnt react to it then. I would love to believe that and it makes me feel alot better to think of that. I dont think Ive been friend zoned though because the W knows that I am in no way interested in being her friend.

She hasnt called me since then, but she did ask me to text her when I got home. I said ok and drove to my brothers house. I just texted her "did you make it home ok".
She said "Im over at SILs house, but yes. Im assuming you made it home ok". I said "Im over at Bs house, but yes". Then she questioned me like I was lying or she was jealous. Asked me how I got there so quick cause normally it takes 45 minutes. I said I dunno, I wasnt speeding or anything. Then I sent her a picture of my brother who was sitting next to me to let her know she could trust me. That was the end of our night. No contact since then.

[PeterV2]

Great job Ben. Don't fret the hand on the knee thing. I would have done the same just to test the waters, but her not reciprocating in not really a negative. More neutral. Her behaviour seems to say she's thinking of coming back. Especially asking you to move to FL with her. That's huge. She's obviously planning for you to part of her future life and that's a good thing.
As for the condition that you two work it out, do you know what patterns of behaviour split you two up? If so do you have a plan to break free of those patterns and move into a new, stronger and more conscious relationship?