Like a moth to flame

[MrBond]

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that the NC isn't always best. First of all, if you want to reconcile with your W, you're going to have to talk to her at some point. And the majority of the time it's not going to be from her wanting to fall back in your arms.

She's a new person. You can take the time to learn who that person is. That's the image she's projecting to any new people she meets. Second, the more you talk to her, the more you'll start to learn her likes and dislikes. Use those to your advantage. Knowledge is power.

What did you talk about during your last interaction? If there was a subject the two of you talked about on a pleasant note, then take note of it and repeat. You can't do that if you don't talk to her.

I'm not saying that you need to call her every day. But it wouldn't hurt to send her a little message every now and then.

[Thornton]

Hey Bond,

I've been LRT for 5 weeks now. Wouldn't contacting her be considerered pursuing?

Below is our last interaction on Father's Day via text.

WAW: Happy Father's Day
WAW: I hope you have a great day Thornton!
Me: Thank you Give (her daughter) a hug and kiss for me
WAW: I will Tell your dad Happy Fathers Day too
WAW: OH! My brother and his gf had their baby yesterday!
Me: Tell them congrats! Happy for them
WAW: Thank you
WAW: Are you doing good?
Me: Keeping busy! My dad said thank for thinking of him . You?
WAW: Truth??? Im ok. Ive been doing good things for me and D, but I have very strong moments of sadness. Its just weird that's all. Im hanging in there
Me: Glad you are doing things with D. You are a strong person WAH, you're strong than you think
WAW: You seen perfectly fine, has this been easy for you?
Me: Easy? No. I didn't want this WAH but I don't have any other option than to respect your decision. I want you to be happy.
WAW: I'm sorry, I didn't mean that in an accusing way. Like I said, I didn't want this to be angry. I didn't want it this way either. Im feeling too much right now... Im sorry.
Me: Don't apologize, I understand.

[MrBond]

"I've been LRT for 5 weeks now. Wouldn't contacting her be considerered pursuing?"

I think you have to reread my post to you. There are many people who keep saying that they're in NC with their spouse and don't know when to stop that. If you keep NC, how do you plan to reconcile? How long do you keep up NC? There is no set time. The timing is up to you.

I did read your Father's Day message and this is where you didn't use NC effectively.

"Easy? No. I didn't want this WAH but I don't have any other option than to respect your decision. I want you to be happy."

This shows her that your whole life depends on her. STop doing that. You should have said that you were doing great and that you had plans for that night. And that's that.

BTW, you need to start a new thread as this one will probably lock soon.

[Thornton]

As always, I appreciate your input Mr Bond.

I think I'm going to wait until she reaches out to me one more time and then re-evaluate depending on how that convo goes.

My sitch is only 6 weeks old so I don't want to rush anything at this point. Eventually I will start to send out occasional texts (no relationship talk, light and friendly) and then evaluate how she reponds to those.

I dont think she is in a good place right now so I want to respect her space so she can process some of her feelings.

[MrBond]

"Eventually I will start to send out occasional texts (no relationship talk, light and friendly) and then evaluate how she reponds to those."

That is fine. What I was worried about was everyone telling you to do NC, and what happens too often here is that people do NC to the point of never contacting the spouse ever, then wonder why their situation didn't change.

I would say it's perfectly fine to ask how your SD is doing especially since you raised her for half her life.

[Thornton]

Thanks for the advice, Bond.