Ahhh but there is still hope though. Where would any of us be without hope? And you know you dont really want her to rip the Band-Aid off. Sure it would make it faster to get over, but you want it to work out. Youve been at this a while and you still have hope where others have none. You have gotten some results so far. That means you are doing it right.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
Drop the rope! Especially if you think she is not finished. The ONLY way she is coming back to you is if she wants to. If she sees you walking in the other direction, she will at least take a few steps towards you just to see what you are doing. Maybe she will follow...
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Ive been NC since the day she left 5 weeks ago. She's texted me twice in that time frame. This feels like eternal limbo.
Do I just stay NC forever? Eventually we'll have to talk about all her and her daughters things at my house. But when would that happen? 7 months from now? 2 years?
Do I just stay NC forever? Eventually we'll have to talk about all her and her daughters things at my house. But when would that happen? 7 months from now? 2 years?
When she is ready
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
I have the same thing going on Thorn, all of her stuff still with me. I feel like the longer it is there, the better. I also dont think my W is done. And she texted you twice, but she did that recently. It isnt like she had been texting you and stopped. You are strong enough to see this through.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
What do you want to happen with her stuff? Where is your boundary on that?
What if you came up with a solution based on your needs and then backed into a next step?
But it might be helpful to find MLC25years story to see how long she was NC. It may put things in a little perspective. Five weeks feels like a long time to you. When my H first asked to separate he asked for three months. It won't be three months until 7/22 but he signed a 12-month lease on 6/1. So it may be that things get bleaker before they get better.
This is where that whole "gift of time" thing comes in. DB-ing is for yourself, to take the time to get healthy, to make sustained changes that bring you closer to the person you want to be. You've done quite a lot of that thus far and I know you want your blue ribbon. Defining the blue ribbon as contact with WAW isn't helpful.
You want *her* to be the one to rip off the bandaid. Why give her that power? If you want to start peeling it off, you can. You don't have to wait for her.
Um, the metaphor starts faltering here. Is she the nasty bandaid you're getting rid of or the wound underneath? Obviously you wouldn't put the nasty old bandaid back on, so we'll call that a metaphor for the dead relationship. You want a clean, healing relationship that won't give you a horrible infection, right? So don't cling to the old one.
If WAW gave you the injury in the first place do you want to trust her to redress the wound? Or do you want to make sure it's well cared for before you cover it with another bandaid (relationship)?
This is why you don't count the minutes of NC. You're tending to your own needs. I know how hard that is. I really, really do. Tend to your own needs for now. Heal your wounds and give her patience to do the same. Assume she won't be back for a while and move forward as a person who can live with that. You'll be stronger for whatever happens, and perhaps you'll lose track of the rope in there somewhere.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Basically, do everything I can to truly get over WAW, let her go and don't look back. Truly move on and give up on reconciling our relationship. An maybe, just maybe, she will want to return sometime in the future (if I haven't moved on already with someone else)?
No it's not. You detach from the WAS with the understanding that you can't control the other person and increase positive interactions through trial and error. That might even mean giving them space. And you don't obsess over them day and night.
Did you actually read the books?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
