Been Married 13 yrs. 9 yr old daughter, 5 yr old boy and girl twins. My wife says my actions are helpful not thoughtful. She wants me out because my presence makes her sad and drains her positive energy when she sees me. She tells me I am a good parent and positive there and with our friends. She says the last 7 years have been bad because of my communication skills and lack of sharing my feelings. 7 years ago I ended up getting sick, and it did damage to my job. I went through a bad period with jobs after that and finally got stabilized within the last 2 years. I bottled up everything and pushed her away, but I did not notice that it was a problem until 2.5 yrs ago. We have been to counselling but it is not working I am trying the 180 approach, but it is hard for me to distinguish what is thoughtful and what is helpful. I have always done housework, and other things around the home and with the kids. I want to do thoughtful things - actions are what she wants, but I am at a miss for actions. I am stunned and at a loss. I truly love her but she has no feelings for me other than the sadness and lack of fulfilment. Help in the thoughtfulness arena is what I need.
I have started doing things I have not done athletically in 7 years. I have been exercising in the past but only for 2-4 hours during the week. I am doing it more (6-8 hours) and it helps a lot with confidence - I can see the changes. Started to go out with the guys, occasionally. I have gotten back in touch with friends. I am detaching by not hovering, questioning, saying "I love you", etc. I only talk about the needs of the kids. It is hard at times but I smile and focus on being positive.
She says she wants me to share my emotions and talk to her about how I feel. I open up about work tell her what excites me, what disappoints me and how I am frustrated with some of my co-workers. She then responds that maybe it is me and walks away without letting me continue. She seems to be vindictive at times. I don't want to go over the same feelings of how I love her and miss her - that causes other problems. I have not said any of those things in awhile. She responds to that message with how and are you not lonely? She seems to be a WAW without the walk. We are supposed to talk and she stands there with pursed lips and crossed arms, while I am hands and arms relaxed and smiling while I talk. This seems to irritate her more. I will just do the 180, not sure if I need the LRT.
W wants me to move out, but still do the same routine with everything else in the household. We both work so I go in early and pick up the children at the end of the day. She wants me to leave after she gets home. This means I still do dinner, pick up the children 3-4 days a week, and then bath and bed time 2-3 days a week. We are already in separate rooms at opposite ends of the house. She just doesn't want me around when she is there. The only difference will be I am not sleeping at the house and 4 evenings and parts of the weekend she sees me. She says she does not want a legal separation.
I would not move out at all. This is where she needs to move out if she wants to be away from you. I wouldnt push that at all though. Just keep doing what youre doing. Be a great dad and dont get drawn into arguments with her.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
W wants me to move out, but still do the same routine with everything else in the household. We both work so I go in early and pick up the children at the end of the day. She wants me to leave after she gets home. This means I still do dinner, pick up the children 3-4 days a week, and then bath and bed time 2-3 days a week. We are already in separate rooms at opposite ends of the house. She just doesn't want me around when she is there. The only difference will be I am not sleeping at the house and 4 evenings and parts of the weekend she sees me. She says she does not want a legal separation.
HELL NO!
Your wife sounds like a bit of a princess. Seething with entitlement. I smell another guy, as she is seemingly trying to set you up to be the bad guy here. I would keep up this stuff, and nix all the touchy-feely, do-the-dishes stuff:
Quote:
I have started doing things I have not done athletically in 7 years. I have been exercising in the past but only for 2-4 hours during the week. I am doing it more (6-8 hours) and it helps a lot with confidence - I can see the changes. Started to go out with the guys, occasionally. I have gotten back in touch with friends. I am detaching by not hovering, questioning, saying "I love you", etc. I only talk about the needs of the kids. It is hard at times but I smile and focus on being positive.
W wants me to move out, but still do the same routine with everything else in the household. We both work so I go in early and pick up the children at the end of the day. She wants me to leave after she gets home. This means I still do dinner, pick up the children 3-4 days a week, and then bath and bed time 2-3 days a week.
That would be fatal to any hopeful attraction on her part. Unless you want to be the unappreciated and disrespected WIFE in this M, do not do what you are told by Miss High & Mighty.
The way to deal with this type of female is NOT by walking the fine line she has drawn. B/c it is all smoke & mirrors anyway. If you have been sharing your thoughts & feelings with her, then her problem is something entirely different. I would take a stab in the dark and start with lack of attraction. How's the sex life? I'm betting not too good, unless she is very HD.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Do not move out! They are right! It with limit your time with your kids, and it will not look good in custody hearings if you are looking for full or partial.
Me-41 H-41 M-20 S-19 D-17 S-15 Bomb-3-17-2014 Left 5-25-2014
