I realize you are postpartum and worried sick about your baby, feeling guilt and everything else. But:
THIS IS NOT ON YOU.
Did you choose to walk out on your H? Did you choose for him to go to OW? Did you choose to introduce this chaos in your home at a time when any healthy woman has extra needs? OR:
Did you choose to do the best you could with the hand you were dealt? Did you take steps to make sure she was given the healthiest start you could give her? Did you have to balance your, and her, needs against the needs of the other four children in your home?
YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD. You are NOT the worst mom ever. She deserves the love and care you have for her. She is getting the care she needs right now and that is what a good mom does. You haven't left her alone in the hospital, you are sleeping in a f-ing waiting room hours after giving birth because you care that much. You are a DAMN GOOD MOM.
I'm sending you extra prayers. No one should have to go through everything you've been through and will continue to endure. Call someone you trust to come and help care for you. YOU DESERVE THAT AND YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS YOU TO BE WELL-SUPPORTED RIGHT NOW.
Keep us posted. I know it's not going to happen, but try to lay off blaming yourself. Give her the best start you can by caring for yourself.
HUGS.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Continued prayers, Twinmom. I cannot even imagine what you're all going thru right now.
Regardless of the past, YOU ARE THERE NOW. Be the best mom you can be, and love her with all your heart. Mamabear will know what to do, and it WON'T be cutting and running (like someone else in her life!). I pray you can get some peace today and tonite.
Ok so I think I might really lose it. Nurse just told me social services is on their way to talk to me. That I am not allowed to leave the nicu till they talk to me because of the "drugs" in her system.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
It's a formality, Twin -- they're just doing their job and following their standard procedures, I'm sure. Take a deep breath, express remorse and let them know you'll be BOTTLE FEEDING when you take her home if you have to. Just explain that what you took was a short-term thing because of what your husband did to you -- they may even be sympathetic.
I hope everything goes well with social services. Please stop blaming yourself!! You needed to do what you had to do to deal with the situation. If you hadn't, Lillian may have been born much sooner. They know what they are dealing with and I'm sure will give her the best care possible. I am praying for you and Lillian.
Social services need to tick there boxes and make sure Lilly is not in danger. You have legitimate reasons, but there is no doubting the huge ar$e mess the whole thing is.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Sweetie - I'm so sorry you are going through this. I want to make you aware of something that may be useful.
As I understand it, they called social services because the baby tested positive for the drugs? But if you were off of them for a month there's no way they should show up in her system (or yours).
Except - some people have weird enzyme defects in how their liver processes drugs. I remember hearing a lecture at a medical conference a few years ago, and a case was mentioned in which a breastfeeding baby suffered an overdose of narcotics. Turned out the mother had abnormal metabolism pathways, and her normal dose of vicodin for postpartum pain resulted in extremely high concentrations in her breast milk.
If you haven't had the drugs for a month and they're showing up in your system or the baby's, you may have some similar quirk that makes you very slow to process medications out of your system. And you might need testing to prove this.
