You too? MDU, you, and Thorn are all drinking from the same stinkin' thinkin' cooler today. Time to break up and step away from the cooler. Doncha have some GALing to do??
My kids took it well at first too. Then H left on a series of business trips and it's been sinking in on them ever since. He's astounded they care, or are reacting to it -- what little he knows, since he can't SEE it for himself and only hears about it when I think of an action he can take to help them.
Oh, and his mother told him they would be happier when they saw him happier. Never mind that she's still married to his dad.
I've come to realize I don't want my H to stick around for the kids. I want him to be here because I'm so awesome. That should be what you want for your kids, too. If your wife sticks around (or doesn't) because of how the kids see things, then they aren't seeing the kind of relationship you want for their futures.
(Sorry if my tone is a little belligerent... It's that kind of day...)
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
You too? MDU, you, and Thorn are all drinking from the same stinkin' thinkin' cooler today. Time to break up and step away from the cooler. Doncha have some GALing to do??
Ugh.
doh! Thanks Wonka! Maybe for a GAL I should buy you a beer...but you gotta come to Canada. STupi attachment...DEtach....
Me 42 W:35 M: 14yrs T:15yrs D: 8yrs D:6yrs S:3yrs BD: "I want a D"09/03/14 Sep: 30/06/14
Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
I've come to realize I don't want my H to stick around for the kids. I want him to be here because I'm so awesome. That should be what you want for your kids, too. If your wife sticks around (or doesn't) because of how the kids see things, then they aren't seeing the kind of relationship you want for their futures.
(Sorry if my tone is a little belligerent... It's that kind of day...)
Hey Maybell, the tone is excused (think its a db dialect I speak in often too). and you are right and encouraging...us LBS are fine catches.Your H is freaking blind to resist you.
Sure my kids will go through their process and it wont be fun for me to see either but gonna cover them with as much of my father's love as I can ...hard hard times but I am GALing out to a favorite coffee shop and re-aquainted friends tonight.
Me 42 W:35 M: 14yrs T:15yrs D: 8yrs D:6yrs S:3yrs BD: "I want a D"09/03/14 Sep: 30/06/14
Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
I know this 180 and "do something different" is completely freaking her out because I am usually the chatterbox and tonight, on such a stressful night, I just let her initiate conversations draw answers out from me...just the one sentence ones.
It probably has her puzzled, but you are doing very well. If you have always been rather loud and too talkative, I believe you absolutely should have her pry anything out of you.
Quote:
Its like her cup is broken on the bottom so any love i try to give her keeps pouring out but the hope is that my DBs change me and then the water would be like good old molasses or honey and stay in that cup someday.
Very true. And while the DB board does not permit us to recommend other books (generally), the 5LL is one they don't seem to mind. But when you have a WAW, she is not going to want any love from you in any of those languages. The book is informative and you can practice on others, but I would not say it will help at this time, b/c of the condition of her heart. She has closed her heart to you. But one day, hopefully, you will have an opportunity to use the information you are storing now.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
[quote] but I would not say it will help at this time, b/c of the condition of her heart. She has closed her heart to you. But one day, hopefully, you will have an opportunity to use the information you are storing now.
OUCH. That is hard to hear Sandi but it is the truth for now. Nothing to do but GAL, get busy and wait!
Me 42 W:35 M: 14yrs T:15yrs D: 8yrs D:6yrs S:3yrs BD: "I want a D"09/03/14 Sep: 30/06/14
Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
So should i be worried that because my kids have taken this pretty well that my WAW will think D is a good idea then?
Think about this^^ question. It implies that the kids being miserable & traumatized might somehow be good for, or benefit...whom? YOU??
But I doubt that. I think you'd be more miserable b/c you'd see your kids in pain.
Outside of abusive situations, NO KID WANTS THEIR PARENTS TO DIVORCE.
Period. Your kids will say things to her that they do not say to you. And visa versa. They are on their best behavior right now but that may well change. (Get ready for that).
But your w will know that they are not happy about it, in time. I can't say when.
Meanwhile, contrast the negative images your w has of you (which she used to justify leaving)
with the NEW YOU.
So if/when she says "h was not pulling his weight and we had financial stresses..."
& IF you are now working f/t and making decent money...what's she going to say then??
If she sees you are in good physical shape, it makes the "lazy bum h" arguments that much weaker.
CONTRAST her negatives (& the ones you also have of your old self) with the New Positives you are creating.
Few women and almost no mother, is going to refuse to review her choice to leave, if the choice's basis is undermined by a new reality.
Make sense? So go make that new reality. For YOU, and whoever else benefits...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25, thanks for pushing me more towards transformation. I like the idea of contrasting before and after. I am going to be blinding white in comparison to the dark I was before. My D8 said "Dad I'm glad you are making the right choice for you and mom" with her brave little voice trying not to take responsibility for this S....just broke me seeing her try to be so strong and you are right. All my kids are hurting and it will express itself over the grieving process. Will love them best as we can. Going to GAL it up with a Christian friendship group going bowling. I like it but they may wish I never played on their team. ;D
Me 42 W:35 M: 14yrs T:15yrs D: 8yrs D:6yrs S:3yrs BD: "I want a D"09/03/14 Sep: 30/06/14
Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Having a hard time not picking up the phone and ruining her day by yelling at her all the reasons its her fault this isnt working out either and how she is wrecking our family, the kids and why doesnt she just grab some common sense so we can work it out.
Blah! Ok now that that's out of my system I am trying not to think of my last two weeks at the same house with the kids. We are gonna go out and GAL as a family...hit some new parks, grab a movie, go out for dinner and have the best "Father's Day" today as we can.
No expectations. Detach. Work on me. Can't control how she feels. Go dark. LRT. 180 the h+ll out of my life.
ok battling on...
Me 42 W:35 M: 14yrs T:15yrs D: 8yrs D:6yrs S:3yrs BD: "I want a D"09/03/14 Sep: 30/06/14
Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
