Barrybran - New Thread

[Barrybran]

My kids are with other family for the weekend. I don't think my wife was expecting me to be around. I keep my roster in a prominent spot in the kitchen so she has access to it and any changes that occur. I'd be surprised if she felt judged or embarrassed as this (her coming home the next morning) has been a fairly regular occurrence of late. I act "as if" and go about my morning.

[Barrybran]

The pleasant behaviour continues. At dinner tonight my wife told the kids that I could cook well because she'd taught me how to. After dinner she makes dessert for the family and brought mine to me instead of the usual "it's here/ready" I've become accustomed to. She sold her old car today so she's been in a good mood tonight. It's another example of the more positive behaviour I've experienced recently.

As for the car, I was going to invite my wife for a walk when I got home. As I arrived though I found her and a good friend of hers out the front waiting for the buyer of her car to come back from a test drive. She then went and did some food shopping so I played video games and went for a walk myself. I was on my way home when I got a call asking where I was as noone was home when my kids arrived home. My wife then picked them up from somewhere else and stopped to pick me up with a car full of laughing children. Normally this would end with some negative comment from my wife. Instead, my wife let the kids have their moment with me and it was a pleasant drive home.

[Barrybran]

I'll have to update my signature info. S6 becomes S7 today and the poor kid has to go to school while I stay at home with the girls. My wife is feeling ill and she too has to go to work so her day will no doubt be pretty crappy.

After the presents and usual morning chaos that is getting my son ready for school, I notice a notification on my phone and see my wife put a picture of my son on Facebook for his birthday. I float around Facebook and I stumble upon something my wife 'liked' - A single mother's support group. It's funny to think that even three months ago this would have set off panic stations. Sure, I'm disappointed to see such a thing. I reflected on the past six months and I'm proud of what I've achieved so far and I'm happy with the direction I'm going in. At times it feels like I'm chipping away at the Berlin Wall with a hammer and chisel and despite this morning's find, I still feel my wife's "I hate Barrybran" policy is softening. I have a long way to go still and I'm in no rush.

One positive thought I did have was about my wife telling me two months ago that she would give our current situation - living together - three months and that she didn't think it would last that long. We're two months through those three months, she's still here and I genuinely feel that she would be a fool to move out in a month's time. I don't know her plans, what she's thinking or how she feels. I do know that I'm a far more pleasant person to be around and any movement from her will be about something on her side of the street. My side is looking pretty tidy at the moment, I must say

[Ggrass]

A single mothers support group might be what she needs to get a picture of how bad d can be. I never wanted to be in those sorts of groups as those people made cringe, I never thought of myself as a typical single mum. I was capable I worked and still do.

Some of those people in those groups do have some really tough stuff and times to wrok thru.

[Barrybran]

My wife was already part of such a group from the first time we separated. To the best of my knowledge she is still a part of it. I just discovered sure also removed her marital status from her page. That one bites a bit. Like the single mother's group, I'm taking it a lot better now than I would have three months ago. At least now, I can feel the feelings briefly and get back to my day. It's far nicer watching my daughters having fun at the park than it is dwelling on my wife's actions.

Oddly though, I'm still very optimistic about my situation. I still need to get out and do more. I feel more at peace with myself though.

[Barrybran]

Journaling:

I had one of my more awkward experiences throughout this situation today. My wife was ill last night and it carried through to this morning. She said she needed more sleep and I told her I would organise the kids if she wanted to go back to bed. She took me up on the offer and asked that I call the doctor for her, which I did when I could.

Later in the day she comes into the room I'm in to show me text messages from a colleague stating her company were closing three stores in our region and 50 nationwide. I asked how my wife felt about it and she told me she was worried. I reminded her what she'd witnessed at two stores she had been to recently and that her store was in better condition physically and financially. I asked her how sales were and she said her store was doing well. She wasn't able to talk so I asked if she was able to email her boss so she left to go to work.

A while later she texts with the details from the doctor. The doctor was concerned and I asked my wife how she felt about what the doctor had said, to which she said she was freaked out. When she got home I followed her into the kitchen to ask her more about the doctor and put my hand on her back, the first time I'd touched her without invitation/permission since we stopped ML. She didn't flinch and I cut the contact short. I wanted to hug her and didn't really know how to handle the situation so I kept close but a safe distance and asked her about what the doctor said and tried to comfort her as best I could. I went about with what I was doing around the house and when I came back in she tried to force a smile for me, one of those 'put on a brave face' smiles.

I went back to my room and left my wife to herself. I left for work an hour later without seeing her and sent her a text on the way out to say that I was leaving and that I was only a text message away if she needed me. She didn't respond and I didn't expect one.

Unfortunately she can't go to work for the rest of the week and she is supposed to rest. She's going to be bored stupid. I'm tempted to take her to the park for morning tea/lunch tomorrow. Of course, she'll have the right to refuse in which case I'll do my own thing.

[Barrybran]

Journaling:

I just had my first attempt at informing my wife I was going to do something with the kids and inviting her along. It's my birthday on Friday and I decided I would take the kids out to dinner on Friday and to extend the invitation to my wife. I do want her to come and I didn't know how to word it to extend the invite in a way that let's her know I would like her there though I'd be going whether she did or not. She's been ill and I did consider this.

I got home, told her I'd be taking the kids out and said I'd like her to come. She replied if she felt well. I'd forgotten this and immediately backtracked and said we could do something at home on Friday and put off going out until next week. She didn't respond. I know I stuffed this one up. I'll go ahead with dinner on Friday anyway whether she's there or not.

On the bright side, it's a first out of the way. Yes it's taken a long time. It's a big milestone for me having come from codependency to forming a plan that includes my wife though only if she's willing. I'm looking forward to asking the kids over dinner tomorrow what they would like on Friday :-)

[Barrybran]

I just had one of the more interesting interactions with my wife. She quizzed me on the amount I have been showering. She said she only noticed it today as I have had three, one this morning, one after the gym and one after work. She asked why I needed to have one in the morning citing that I used to have one before bed and not one in the morning. She appears to think something is up.

Honestly, it's not something I'd really thought about. I want to be clean for work so I shower in the morning and I've taken that across to my off days. I also shower after work as I feel dirty and can't sleep without having a shower. On my off days, I don't normally shower a second time unless I have done something physical such as the gym.

She mentioned that it uses power and water (we don't pay for the water) and whilst it's true, I shower for myself. I can't honestly say it's something I would consider changing. I understand her skepticism as she has spent more time with me being away from home, where she doesn't see my showering habits, and being unemployed, where my showering was at an all time low, as opposed to having a regular schedule and showering habits.

It seems kind of funny writing this here. It's obviously got my wife's mind ticking over though. I'm still going to shower in the morning though... I work at 10am and I want to be clean.

[Ggrass]

she's wondering who your showering for! Whoot whoo Barry, she's thinks you be
Looking. Mystery. That's good.

[Barrybran]

Errr, not quite...