Upwards - Needing support, tough times ahead

[Ggrass]

Ole queens, said in a nice way are a couple of my friends. I flirt with one ole queen who comes in to work, he's soooooooo gay he's adorable.

I went to a political dinner, it was a women's do. I'm sure if your creative you can find something. Red Cross, service organisation, church dos... School dos or parent committees for the school.

[artsy]

Up, G is right-you can move forward without "living the single life". (LOL at at revolving door to your bedroom )

Pulling the trigger and "ending" it isn't going to make you feel better- the feeling will still be there. To quote others on the board, the only way through this is THROUGH it. You're doing it right: NC/dark/dim to take care of YOU. Eventually your hard days will be fewer and farther between. You can do this!!!

Live your life without him. He's already starting to miss you.

Hang in there!

[Upwards]

I've taken a few days away to do some thinking & soul searching.

I think my wobble last week was because I DO feel ready to maybe go on a date, I DO feel ready to move on & that scared me in a big way - I feel a lot of guilt for it, I feel like I'm being disloyal and betraying my H which is pretty insane considering what he's put me through the past few years. I deserve better than he can give me right now. I'm not ready for a serious relationship or anything like that but I would like to enjoy myself & spend time meeting new people now & again I suppose.

My hope for our marriage has pretty much gone, I don't know if that comes with detachment or if its just my acceptance of the situation as it is but right now I cant see any way that me & H could ever reconcile, it just doesnt seem possible after everything that's happened. I cant save my marriage single handedly but I did save myself and have learn't some valuable tools that i'll carry with me for life, I will always be work in progress but I now have the confidence in myself to continue striving to be the best me that I can be - that's something i'll always be grateful for.

It comes with a lot of sadness to admit that i'm dropping the rope for good, it wasn't what I ever wanted & I never imagined giving up hope but I feel i've been left with no choice. I'm enjoying my life as a single person and as the mother to my children, this is the hand i've been dealt and I want to make the most of my life instead of wasting it hoping for something that may never happen.

None of us know what the future holds, who knows whether our paths will cross again, for the time being i'm closing the door & moving on with my life with our children.

Sorry its long, wanted to get all that out.

[Ggrass]

Really I can relate upwards, mine isn't contacting, he's making the ow legit. I feel it's not fair after like you all the work I put in. Since the bomb drop I get nothing unless I push. He seems very glad I'm gone. We have nothing to have him come to me on, and that was his point on bomb date, your used up, I don't need you ever.

I thought I might start talking to a man who's been coming into work, but so far it's not working. I think the universe is keeping me going slow. I waiver day to day, lately ow and h fb actions make me laugh not cry. So I guess I'm getting there 3months it seems like a life time.

[soldier]

Hello Upwards, I have not read your hold thread but caught this latest post you made this morning and it struck me as a common chord that I have had. I am new to the DBing having only been doing this for 2 months but my W seems so distant and cold that I too feel sometimes that I may be wasting my time. At two months this is way too soon to throw in the towel for me but I guess I am just saying that I feel some of what your last post expressed. I know we are not supposed to create a time frame for these things as if anything happens it will be on the WAS’s time but at the same token I think we do have to decided how long we are willing to wait and be lonely. I myself have said that I would really try and stick it out for 4 more months which would put me at half a year. At this time I want to re-evaluate where I am at and where I want to go. I got married because I wanted to be with my best friend for the rest of my life. This separation hurts me to the core and every day feels like eternity. This is mainly because currently we don’t even have a friendship.

I think you are very brave to have come to the realizations that you have and I really hope that regardless of what the future will hold for you, everything works out for you in the end. I also hope that when my time for realization comes, I can be just as brave.

[Ggrass]

My thought was stand for one year, but I'm just not sure. I waiver. We all do. It's human and normal.

[Barrybran]

As you said Up, noone knows what the future holds. As long as you are happy it matters not whether you are with your husband, with someone else or by yourself. You have your kids, your family and your friends and if I've learned anything from my wife in this journey it's that you'll be just fine without a man as you will be with one because of your support network and what you've learned. Good luck

[claire7]

It takes a lot of courage to get to where you are, Upwards. It is amazing how in some ways this has all been a gift, right? I don't know about you, but I never would have gotten to this place of strength unless this had happened to me. And no matter how much we have lost, that is one thing that will never be taken away from us.

Best of luck to you! And congratulations!

[Upwards]

Thank you everyone, its been a really tough journey to get here as I resisted the reality for a long time. Over the weekend it was my sons birthday & we spent most of it together as a family, it felt different and I was trying to figure out what H was doing differently then I realised that its ME that's different!

I suppose although its only been 9mths since we separated and less since H decided he was "done" I've come to the realization that my marriage has been dead for many years and I've not been happy in the relationship for a long long time.

My H isn't capable (at the moment) of being the man that I want in my life and its been hard to accept although I think deep down i've know it for a good while. He's making good progress and is working hard to be a better person, I truly wish him every happiness & hope he finds the fulfillment that he is searching for. I'm also working towards forgiving him for what has happened, I dont want to carry the hurt/pain/anger into my future and i'm working towards letting it go.

I myself have said that I would really try and stick it out for 4 more months which would put me at half a year. At this time I want to re-evaluate where I am at and where I want to go.

My thought was stand for one year, but I'm just not sure. I waiver. We all do. It's human and normal.

I didn't set a time frame, I just made a decision that I would stand for as long as I felt I wanted to and I just kept reassessing as you've mentioned. Trust your gut, it will guide you well.

As you said Up, noone knows what the future holds. As long as you are happy it matters not whether you are with your husband, with someone else or by yourself.

Thank you Barry, I'm feeling happier & happier as time passes by I'm still up & down of course and there are lots of emotions cycling on some days but I actually feel like i'm living my life again instead of just existing!

[Ggrass]

In my sitch, I made hasty decisions acted on in haste, which I now regret.
While things were not great, they could have her far far worse, something I could not see at the time.

Hence I said one year. I could slow myself down.