[ces67]

about to leave the office to get my son his learner's permit as well!

personal opinion, but I think being willing to look at all the options, whether you like the or not, will help you validate which ones you truly believe in and understand why one fits with you want to be and why others may be contradictory to who you want to be.

[SemperFi00]

Thx for the comment ces - you make a good point.

Just exploring alternate options doesn't mean that they have to chosen correct? Somehow feels a bit disloyal though - at least to me...... Something to think more about.

How'd the permit acquisition go? BTW, my oldest one is nearly 18 and couldn't care less about driving or getting his license - his young brother had the countdown doing and knew the day he turned 15.5 and could drive with a parent. Funny how they can be so different on some things.

[ces67]

It was a good life lesson in preparation. He didn't pass the test. He didn't study enough. For some reason he focused on one area and assumed the rest would be common sense. Feel bad for him in a way because I understand his disappointment. He apologized for me having to take off work and now will need to again. I told him it was perfectly fine and I was glad to do it for him. I let him know we'd go again next week and he can get it.

We were going to let him do some driving on a road trip tomorrow but now we'll have to wait.

And based upon your name, you may be a good person to ask something unrelated to DB...

My son has been talking about joining the Marines after high school. He wants to be an engineer and do that through the Marines. He's been really excited about it. Last night he told me he was nervous because he wasn't sure he had the physical strength and mindset to make it in the Marines. He's never been very athletic. Not that he couldn't hold his own, its just not been an interest. He's got a sharp mind, but prefers to focus it mainly on his own interests.

Any advice to help encourage him? I told him that I believed it was completely in his ability to do it if he really wanted to and since he's only 15, he could start now getting in shape if its truly what he wants to do.

[SemperFi00]

Update from the weekend……

• S15 had friend over for the weekend – stayed Fri and Sat night. Friend’s parent split up a couple of years and it has not been good scenario. He really likes being with us and they tend to get together as often as we allow it
• S17 took SAT Sat morning and feels like he did pretty well. So hopefully the practice that we did together was helpful. Should have the results in about 3 weeks of so…..
• S8 and I went to local carnival on Sat night for a couple of hours. One of the traveling setups but he rode every ride except one and many of them multiple times…… By then end I needed a break to keep from getting sick myself….. Invited W to go with us but she declined and stayed at home with older 2 and friend that was over.

Sun morning was an interesting turn of events – W stated Sat night that she wanted to go to church at 8a (which is usually her preference). Sometimes given how the morning goes we will end up going at 6p instead which is usually what the boys prefer.

Yesterday morning, the dog needed to go outside around 6a and W was not having any luck getting her to lay back down. I got up and went outside with the dog and was just enjoying the morning, picking up a few sticks that had blown down, weeding etc…..

About 730 she yelled out from the window that she wanted to leave in about 10 mins and asked if I could be ready - which was not a problem. Went inside and found that S17 was in shower, S8 was downstairs but not dressed, S15 and friend were still asleep. Suggested to W that it did not seem likely that all would be ready to go in 10 minutes and that we would be rushed and likely late.

She became very upset and said were always late anyway, that she had said she wanted to go at 8a and that they could just suck it up and get ready. Not said quite as nicely as what I am typing here – couple of names, plenty of stomping and slamming and the f-bomb also used a couple of times indicating that the kids just needed to grow up. At one point W said she would go by herself and that I could take the rest at 6p and then went into the bathroom where s17 was at and said we would go at 6 so that he could have his way.

I offered to take everyone at 6p so that she could go (her idea) and she stated very sarcastically that no we would do what the family wanted to do and go at 6p……… WTH????

In a small 180 for me, I just said ok and let her deal with whatever was clearly bothering her versus trying to rush to get everyone ready, etc…. She continued to be angry and tough to be around but eventually stated “…. I have left a list of everyplace I am going on the counter so people can call if they need anything. I plan to be back around 11a.”

Around noon W called and asked if we had stuff for lunch at the house or if she needed to pick something up and if s15 had gotten to his meeting. She finally got back home at 1p and was in a much better mood and acting as if nothing had happened.

Something released the Kraken but for the life of me I do not know what….. Trying to not mind read though and steering clear……….

[labug]

You don't have a clue? Really?

Give it a shot.

[SemperFi00]

I am really not sure labug - and trying not to mind read.

W said that she wanted to go at 8a and we ended up not going until the evening Mass at 6p. I guess that is why but maybe there is something that I am missing???

The problem I have with the situation is that she often says she wants to go @8a and then if the boys balk or we don't get ready in time we just end up going later.

There is no consistency and she did not wake anyone up to get things going so they could be ready. At least not that I know of.

Perhaps she was expecting me to do that but didn't state that? Or maybe expecting them to set their own alarms and get ready but not letting them know that?

I thought that I had done something nice (not with any expectation though) by taking the dog out and staying out of her way but maybe not.

Is there something you are seeing from a different perspective?

[dingo]

Perhaps she was expecting me to do that but didn't state that?

I haven't been following your situation that closely SF but I did think of the quote above when I read your last few updates.

[SemperFi00]

Perhaps she was expecting me to do that but didn't state that?

I haven't been following your situation that closely SF but I did think of the quote above when I read your last few updates.

dingo, thanks for stopping by. Can you elaborate a little more on the connection you are seeing?

It feels like both you and labug and trying to tell me something and right now I am having a hard time "hearing" it.

[dingo]

Well - like I said, I am not all that familiar with your specific dynamics but here is what I saw:

She told you the night before that she wanted to go to church at 8am. You woke up at 6 to take care of the dog but then spent the next hour and half puttering around the yard. It might have been more appropriate to head back inside a little earlier and start getting the kids ready to go. Perhaps if there's an issue with 'kid prep' duties in your dynamic, you could have woken them up/gotten them ready with her. If she hadn't called down to you at 730, would you have even noticed what time it was?

It just struck me that she may have felt ignored or her wants marginalized. Regardless of whether the routine of not getting ready in time and going later is the norm, she said she wanted to go at 8 so why not do what you need to do to make that happen?

[labug]

I'm with Dingo.

We can't read her mind but that's what I would have been thinking. And as gogofo's W told him, "there was never one big issue or event, it was multiple little things that piled up over time."

In an honest, healthy R, she would have told you what she needed but you haven't had a healthy R in a long time. She's done, you're the one who wants to turn things around if possible.

So you have to do the work.

How might you handle things differently the next time she says she wants to go to church at 0800?

What might you say to her now to find out what she needs from you in those situations?

This gets back to that divide of responsibilities in your household. She's no longer happy with that set-up. How can you show her you're hearing her and understand and that things could be different?