Upwards - Needing support, tough times ahead

[Upwards]

It's amazing the sense of peace I feel when not I'm contact with my H, I still feel hurt, sad & a little anxious but I also feel in control of my life and in control of my emotions.

It's so sad that the man I've spent the past 12yrs with has become so toxic that I feel the need to cut him from my life but I have to protect myself (& in turn our kids) and so he's left me with no choice - he's acting out in any way possible to mask his pain & guilt, he's not dragging me down with him.

I've got lots of GAL planned this week - Today I'm taking the kids out with my Mum. This week also going to my support group, meeting a friend for lunch, out with MIL, clothes shopping, girls night out, lots of "me time" and seeing my IC.

Today I am grateful for:
* My wonderful children.
* A warm & safe home,
* Supportive family & friends.
* Feeling stable (ish!).
* My strength!

[Breakdown]

There you go! GAL is seriously what helps keep us sane during these times, so keep that up!

[Upwards]

Another overall good day, I feel FREE from the chaos & intensity of my old life - I've had intense waves of various emotions but just trying to allow them to pass and feel them, also trying to figure where they're coming from and why. A lot of anger, I'm hanging into it at the moment as it's driving me forwards & allowing me to keep focus AWAY from him & stop me feeling sorry for him.

He's tried to contact me a few times via text and email, I've just ignored as none were urgent or required a response. He ended his last email with "sorry it's come to this x" which I found quite amusing & slightly insulting!!

Been doing lots of GAL and connecting with friends as I've realised I've been hiding myself away, been shopping today for new clothes as I've lost lots of weight

[3boymom]

Great update Up! Getting out really does help. I had to force myself at first and even have to remind myself every once in a while to get back out there. New clothes are always awesome and a great reward after the weight loss, even if I would not recommend the bomb drop diet to anyone

[hope456]

Upwards - Just wanted to drop in to say that it is great to hear about you feeling stronger again. You really have been so strong and come such a long way. You can do this!

(((Upwards)))

[Upwards]

Great update Up! Getting out really does help. I had to force myself at first and even have to remind myself every once in a while to get back out there. New clothes are always awesome and a great reward after the weight loss, even if I would not recommend the bomb drop diet to anyone

Yes I feel awesome, the constant compliments on how fantastic I look & how well I look are a welcome boost to my confidence been out & about all week and it feels good to be around people instead of hiding away - also makes me realise that I'm not the only one who thinks H is crazy!!!

[Upwards]

Upwards - Just wanted to drop in to say that it is great to hear about you feeling stronger again. You really have been so strong and come such a long way. You can do this!

(((Upwards)))

I'm pretty amazed at how far I've come in the past 9mths & how much I've learnt about myself, I'm truly thankful for this experience for that alone because I never would have had such a deep insight into myself and my marriage. I have a way to go yet though but feel like I'm on the right track.

[Upwards]

I feel so detached it's untrue, it's so nice to have some peace & to not feel consumed by this separation - it ISNT my whole life, I've spent a long time feeling like it is but I have so much more going for me aside from my marriage - it's time to LIVE again, yes I'm sad but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it now.

Well my H keeps sending me random emails about insignificant things that he thinks I'll respond to, he's basically testing the water as he's had no response from me since last Friday & I'd imagine he's missing contact now (going off his track record!).

Staying completely NC and not caving in to his contact is a huge 180 for me but I need to do it for my own sanity for a few weeks. I also refuse to be treated with no respect & he isn't capable of that right now.

[Upwards]

Is it normal for your feelings to fade when you detach from a person? I know I still love H & care deeply for him but I no longer feel that intense love, worry and needing to makes sure he's ok - it's the opposite, I don't want anything to do with him and have completely let go, I feel done.

I just feel a huge sense of sadness but also acceptance of the situation and where I'm at today, I stand by what I've said in the pas that this HAD to happen to break the cycle of our relationship and allow us both to find happiness however now I've also fully accepted it too.

A big worry at the moment is that if him & OW get serious it will bring a whole new set of problems as I will not allow her to see my kids under any circumstances & will fight this in court if needed, the nature of their R at the moment seems to be friends with benefits but who knows how it will play out.

I'm focusing a lot on GAL but most importantly I'm focusing on my children an trying to provide a stable and loving home for them regardless of the fact that their Daddy is a complete & utter fool!!

Feeling a little sad today, just allowing the feelings and getting on with my day.

[artsy]

Upwards, I think the whole point of loving detachment means you still care about them but your emotions aren't tied to their behavior. So, I'd say you're on the right track.

It's okay to be sad (I mean, as far as don't try to fight it. Don't wallow in it either...) you're still grieving, and that's not a linear process. Hopefully you won't stay there for long!

Hang in there...