Thanks much for the info AJM. Just this past week my son told me he's thinking of doing something different now. I don't have any military background but think it would be good for him. But we shall see. He's 15 and will probably have a few different ideas before he's 18.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Hi Ive been separated from my wife for 4 months now. Im ready to be divorced, I want to move on with my life. My biggest concern is that if I push the divorce through I will lose access to my kids. I have pretty much full custody right now because my wife moved out and had been staying with friends until recently. I make more than my wife and the kids have been staying with me since she left. Does anyone know what my chances are of keeping full custody of my kids (I know the courts prefer giving kids to the mom)???
No major changes. Our school year is over as of this past Friday. That was also my birthday. W and kids took me out to dinner and a movie. W paid for it all which surprised me. She also got me gift cards for a massage and to get some clothes, which also surprised me. I made a point to. Thank her for all of it.
I helped her clear out her classroom along with some other things she needed help with. The difference. This time was she actually asked for my help and thanked me for it all. Then they left on Sunday to go see her sister for a couple weeks and attend our nephew's graduation. Didn't hear from her until Tuesday night. I called and texted both days and she finally responded via text on Monday then called last night.
No real idea if any of this means anything and not really trying to. Just thankful for lower stress levels. W is waiting to hear about an interview for a full-time teaching position. That could take most of the summer to get through that process. She's stressed about that ad well and has told me so.
We are still in separate bedrooms and W is more likely to hang out with friends than try and do things with me. The kids are noticing and being more obvious about it, especially my son. At dinner Friday night, S15 made a point to arrange our seating so W and I did not sit next to each other. Same for the movie. In a separate conversation S15 was frustrated with W not helping him with something only she could handle we his bank account. I offered to talk to her about it but he said he didn't want me to because he didn't want W getting mad at me and he didn't want to be the cause of an argument. Still trying to figure out how to handle that. We are certainly not modeling a good example of conflict resolution.
At this point, it's very possible that W is content for this to be our M, but I am not. I hope word comes soon about an interview for her. Her having a job regardless of which direction I need to take.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
In a separate conversation S15 was frustrated with W not helping him with something only she could handle we his bank account. I offered to talk to her about it but he said he didn't want me to because he didn't want W getting mad at me and he didn't want to be the cause of an argument. Still trying to figure out how to handle that. We are certainly not modeling a good example of conflict resolution.
Wow! Sticky.
What are your thoughts on how to handle it?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Thanes1 - Sorry, just saw your post. Wish I could help on the question but from what I've seen there are just way too many variables involved to give a good response. I can only suggest you consult with 1 or 2 lawyers if at all possible to understand how the law reads in the state you live and find out if there are any patterns or precedents for your area. Good luck.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Not sure yet. I don't want to ignore it but I also don't want to put my son in a bad spot in case W decides to follow up with him about it. The family is away at W's sister until later next week. There is a chance that by then W will have been contacted about a teaching job for the fall.
I am doing my best to listen to my son and validate his frustration and at the same time neither condone or support W's actions. The situation was that S15 had to get a new ATM card and he had to call from W's cell phone to activate it. She kept putting him off. He told me that he assumed she had used his money for something and didn't want him to know until she could put the money back. He said she had used his money before and told had told him and repaid him after a while.
No idea if this is the case but sad that this is what my S15 assumes. He loves his mom a lot but gets very frustrated with her and sees her as overly controlling and judgmental of him. Maybe that's just part of being a teenager though.
Communication while family is out has been tough. I talk and/or text with the kids every day but W is about every 2 to 3 days. She may or may not respond to text messages. I found out that yesterday she left the kids with her aunt & uncle and was gone most of the day with a friend from HS. The day before they had moved from staying with her sister to staying with her aunt & uncle. W forgot some stuff and had to go back to her sisters. That should have been an hour max to take care of that. From what the kids said it was easily over 2 hours. I didn't bother tracking the details. Its just more examples of W taking a reasonable task and extending it a great deal with no explanation of what she is doing with her time.
I'm not stressed about it. Just sad that the pattern continues. Its very hard for me to imagine moving forward with the divorce but honestly, it seems inevitable. I know there is a better life on the other side of some very hard conversations and actions. Once the family gets back, those will start.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Your W has so much garbage to sort through...but only she can do that. The story about your S's money is just another example. Without major, major work on her part, your life with her would be just as it is now.
For her, I hope that she will someday decide to face all the scary stuff.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Nothing to offer in your situation other than thoughts, support and prayers.
Stay strong!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Bug- it was just general courtesy. I had called to say good night and she didn't answer. Then. I texted it.
She did send me a couple pics on Friday night of the kids with some of her family. No details. Just the pics. I responded later on and that was it. The only other contact she has initiated was when she needed something. Other than that, I have not reached out to her.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
