"H, I really don't want to do that. I'm afraid if I do, I will be confused and find hope that we can be together, and I just am not willing to put myself in that position right now."
Just maybe he'll consider YOUR perspective rather than push for what he wants. Typically, the last thing a WAS wants is for you to feel hope...
Good luck,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Thank you Betsey. You know, I never even thought about saying it that way. I don't know why, it is the truth and I think you are right that he will back down in fear of my hope. I will email him and see what he says.
I also realize that I'm way too worried that by saying no he will think I'm vindictive and a bitch. Part of me really cares about what he thinks of me, and the other part is starting to not give a damn.
M45 H46 M16 yrs D17, D10, D7 DB 1-23-2014 H filed D 2-14-2014
Well, he backed down. Thank you Betsey. He proposed a different plan where I drive the kids down to him on Friday. He did make it clear that while we own the house, he is expecting to stay here while he is in town. .
My standing firm seems to make my H worry that I won't be civil and friendly towards him. I will always be civil. I just don't want my H to stay in the house anymore, especially since I found the jewelry store charge. Actually, I really didn't want him here before I found the charge. Not this new H who I don't know anymore. I feel like I need to find my cojones.
M45 H46 M16 yrs D17, D10, D7 DB 1-23-2014 H filed D 2-14-2014
Nevermind, I woke up this morning and he was on the couch. I got the kids up, fed, and ready to go and he took them to school. No interaction between us. The kids made sure to point out the clean garage and new patio arrangement.
M45 H46 M16 yrs D17, D10, D7 DB 1-23-2014 H filed D 2-14-2014
Actually, I really didn't want him here before I found the charge.
I personally think it's really unfair of him, given that he's moved out. I think the kids are more confused by it than the spouse is. Owning the house with you is as much a "technicality" as being married is at this point. Yet he didn't really care to keep that in mind, did he?
Good luck, and have a good weekend.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Last night as I was going over spelling words with D7 just before putting my two youngest to bed, D10 was going trough an old computer bag that H had. She pulled out a plastic bag with lots of cards from another W to my H. Also two books, one love book and one of images not to masturbate to (that was the name of book). I was able to grab them,, but the girls saw them.
D17 took the bag and as I was trying to get littles to bed she looked through the bag. There were also reciepts for wemons underwear as well as a tiffiny braclet and charm, the same exact one he bought for me. By the time I got downstairs, D17 figured out it was a woman from H's work, she lives in Denver where H has moved.
I have. no idea how to handle the fallout. My kids are devestated and it happened so quickly. I have been really trying to protect them. I will tell my lawyer, but not to sure it will make much difference in the D.
Thizs has been going on for well over a year. I have asked H repetitively if there was OW and he always denied while looking me dead in the eyes. 9n fact he got mad the last time I asked because he had already answered the question.
I need advice please. What do I do now? How do I tell H I know, that his children are the ones who found out. I am so disgusted by him now, but don't want to make it harder for the kids. How do I proceed. Do I tell his family the truth, do I call her and confront (probably would never do that) I'm done with being nice and friendly.
M45 H46 M16 yrs D17, D10, D7 DB 1-23-2014 H filed D 2-14-2014
How horrible. I'm sorry your Ds and you had/have to go through this! The only comment I have is not to confront the OW. It won't change anything and you may feel foolish afterwards.
I have no idea what the correct thing to do is, but I would do this: decide what your boundaries will be NOW: I would think they need to be adjusted at this point. And I would tell H exactly what you found, your new boundaries and why. Then stick to them no matter what. Keep emotions out of it, just very matter-of-fact and that should include objective descriptions of how your Ds found the evidence. I think the fact THEY now know the horrible lies he's been telling will impact him more than the fact you know the truth at this point.
Hang in there.
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
Thank you Artsy, I need to calm down before I c0nfront him. He is lucky he left yesterday and is in a different city. I agree about the D's finding out, that will mean more to him then my knowing.
M45 H46 M16 yrs D17, D10, D7 DB 1-23-2014 H filed D 2-14-2014
