I looked at the separation agreement and sent my attorney some notes and questions.
I can't believe how hard it was to look at that document. It was the first page where it says Heather blah blah and Smokey were married in this city on this date and have two children. That got me.
It's not as scary now that I've gotten through the first one.
I hate this. Did I mention how much I hate this??
On a funny side note, God seems to be distracting me with lots of attention for other men. The Forester, some eharmony guys...I have lots of boyfriends :-) It's been nice to have the attention.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I've learned from the books and forum that first and foremost take care of you and everything else falls into place (sometimes not always where you want). But keep your faith in you and you will always be you. God's plan for each of us has a purpose.
My W has taken thyroid meds and something like paxil for years and she has mentioned always being tired and weight gain. She is amazing at finding time to exercise and stuff and found hiking/running to be her pleasure.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
Yes, Wonka, they are imaginary. I've only had a few dates with the Forester and he has been clear he doesn't want a relationship.
Some of the guys have come off a little toooooooo interested. I've had to clarify I'm not interested in anything more than a casual friendship which may lead to something more at a later date.
I know it says some deep psychological whatever about me that I like the attention from men and it is helping me get through this...but, I don't care. This [censored], I don't want to be divorced and I hafta keep going.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I'm terrified. I'm absolutely, freaking terrified. I don't know if this is partly from some deep memories of my parents' divorce or just my own fears about being on my own...probably some combination of all of the above.
I'm so afraid of courts and judges and lawyers and my inlaws and Smokey and all of 'em. I feel like some figure of authority (AUTH-ORRR-IT-TYYYE) is gonna put the crack down and say that I'm some worthless, waste of space. Like some judge is going to agree with Smokey and say, "Yes, Smokey, you were so right. She is a lazy butt and she never contributed and you had every right to do what you did. How did you put up with her for so long???"
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Time to bust out your Byron Katie books again. Go within and do this work. Work through your fears one by one. Come on over and sit on that discomfort sofa!
Heather, What are you afraid of? You've been on your own for a long time and you've managed to keep your head above water. So, what if others make comments...you know what you've accomplished and that is all that matters. If you are happy w/your accomplishments, don't drink the Kool-Aid of others.
Have you ever given any thought to the fact that when people make those comments that they may feel threatened or a bit jealous of you? Maybe they see a lot of themselves in you, bit you've gone the actual mile and accomplished what needed to be done and yet, they are still sitting in the same place. People who make such comments to you are not happy people. I would tune them out and be thankful for what you have and continue to accomplish.
As for the paperwork...it's nothing to be afraid of because it's just pieces of paper with writing on it. You have nothing to be afraid of. The hardest part has already been accomplished. Do you know what that is? Living on your own and raising two young ladies.
You are going to be just fine. It's one step at a time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
