She left - 3

[Barrybran]

Ok, fair enough. Thanks.

[labug]

I am a workaholic because it negatively effects my life.

I'm in the middle of a very busy work weekend but wanted to say BINGO! (and I am thinking about what changes I need to make because this is beginning to affect my life in a negative way.)

In AlAnon the only qualification you need is being a friend or family member of a problem drinker. There is no mention of addiction. All we know is that someone's drinking is or has affected our lives in a negative way. The person may have stopped drinking but continued the same behaviors because they didn't cut out the root of the problem.

Alcohol or any -holic behavior is the symptom.

[gogofo]

Well I just forced myself to not do something that I really wanted to; I did not invite my W to Easter dinner. I really wanted to, but I didn't.

The W came over and we hid eggs for the kids while they showered. Played with them for a little, had lunch out and then went to Wal-Mart so she could buy some stuff.

The whole time I thought about how nice it would be to have her at Easter, but I kept with my game plan and did not invite. My reasoning being that she needs to miss me, amongst other things.

When at Wal-Mart she did mention that I should bring my mom some flowers, "women like flowers." Ah nice dig. But I thought here was a perfect time to show that I value her and her feelings, opinions, etc and I grabbed a bouquet of tulips.

She left with the kids, I'm a little sad, but off to dinner with my family.

Hope everyone's Easter is as happy as possible.

[VFL]

Well I just forced myself to not do something that I really wanted to; I did not invite my W to Easter dinner. I really wanted to, but I didn't.


The W came over and we hid eggs for the kids while they showered. Played with them for a little, had lunch out and then went to Wal-Mart so she could buy some stuff.

The whole time I thought about how nice it would be to have her at Easter, but I kept with my game plan and did not invite. My reasoning being that she needs to miss me, amongst other things.

When at Wal-Mart she did mention that I should bring my mom some flowers, "women like flowers." Ah nice dig. But I thought here was a perfect time to show that I value her and her feelings, opinions, etc and I grabbed a bouquet of tulips.

She left with the kids, I'm a little sad, but off to dinner with my family.

Hope everyone's Easter is as happy as possible.

I respect your willpower! I'm trying to do the same thing. Trying to distance myself so that maybe she can see that she misses me. but I dont want her to think I don't want to be around her anymore. Tough catch 22 isn't it?

Excellent decision on picking up flowers on her suggestion. Shows you respect her opinion. Small things like that go far in the mind of a woman, at least in my experience.

[gogofo]

It wasn't easy. I got a little emotional wave washing over me so I took the Vespa for a ride, which I bought for her, to clear me head. Went back to parents and it was too quiet. Mind wanted to wonder and was second guessing my decision but family started showing up and the wine also helped.

Not gonna lie, I missed her being there but it was probably best she wasn't there.

[VFL]

I know what you mean. I was without my wife and daughter today because they went to my in-laws (4 hours away) on friday and got back this evening. I didn't go because I had to work last night and i'm working tonight.

[labug]

Just a little adjustment here, distance yourself because that's what the WAS wants and it's the right thing to do for you. By taking an action and expecting an outcome involving another person we're back to our old controlling selves, trying to manipulate an outcome.

The change has to be within you.

(there are many here with different opinions on this, this is mine)

[gogofo]

LA, are you saying distance myself because of the morning we spent together or because I was going to open communication a little more?

By taking an action and expecting an outcome involving another person we're back to our old controlling selves, trying to manipulate an outcome.

I get eager after we have our talks and the small steps that are happening. I need to settle back down. Today I have a little unsettled feeling after yesterday. I think the fact that it was a holiday made the emotions sting a little more.

I did send her a text message yesterday thanking her for doing the egg hunt because the kids really liked it. We then had a little message session when I asked how the kids were doing, and if they had a good evening. It was pretty pleasant exchange.

LA, in your opinion is pressuring her and not distancing myself?

[ye21]

Hey Go!

In my opinion, you are doing great, its normal that you have this feelings, but its important that you keep working on this, the more solid your changes the strongest will be within you, so if she comes back they will be more natural for you.
Still early in your sitch so I believe she needs more time to see all this, it took her time to get to this point so it will take care time to accept this new situation.

You dont want this to happen again so its important that you keep working on yourself and detaching to be able to make a aolid ground of happiness and independency in case she comes back

[gogofo]

So today I have been tired and down emotionally. Nothing really to base it on, but when I am tired I get to feeling a little panicky and down about my situation.

I was looking at my bookcase yesterday evening and I think the book with the comments is gone. I know I thought about moving it, but don't think I did. I think the W may have taken it. If she did take it that means she might have been told by whomever wrote it that they dropped it off at the house.

And since I am down today this has been creeping in and out of my brain all afternoon.

Is the book issue something that should be brought up in person?

I think it probably would be best to be able to see her reaction.

Don't know, just thinking out loud right now.