I started reading these boards about 7 years ago. My now X Wife had declared her desire for a separation and then sued for D immediately after her father figure died which was almost exactly a year after her mother figure died. I concluded MLC.
Tons of bad stuff happened during our 8yr marriage; 3 year old D raped, business we began cleaned out by bookkeeper, abandoned by our church due to their discomfort in ministering to us with Rape of our D...
So here I am years later...Why?...
I am coming to the conclusion I have lost a part of my mind.
So much of my life has fallen apart in the past year that my life doesn't make sense anymore. It's like I made a wrong turn somewhere...A REALLY BIG [censored] WRONG TURN SOMEWHERE....I find myself constantly looking back in an attempt to discover WHERE THE [censored] DID I SCREW MY LIFE UP?...What could/might I have done to end up in a different place?
Why?...In the past year:
I moved my elderly mother into my home realizing she couldn't live alone I then realized she wasn't safe in my home during the day alone and placed her in a nursing home My children are now living with my X and her OMH 100% of the time I am now married My mother died two days after her Bday which is 2 days before mine My older sister (only sibling) arrived in town for the funeral but had her husband break into mom's house while I was meeting with her to plan the funeral, taking everything she wanted. My X has taken me back to court My home has been burglarized TWICE I'm now on the verge of bankruptcy
I find myself listening to music from my past, when I was about 18 years younger, a part time musician, single, a fitness freak and seeing a married woman for 3.5 hours at a time in a hotel room.n (right,right,wrong)
Of course I can't help but wonder what different course(s) my life might have taken.
My life is a train wreck. I thought I was making the right choices but it's a mess.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
So sorry to hear this, Sleeper. Much of what you write about was just the luck, or non-luck, of the draw, things we will all deal with in some capacity at some point. Losses, when they come quickly, are intense.
I don't believe that life can be simply broken. Perhaps some additional counseling for you, to deal with the many issues you mention?
It's OK to fantasize about being a younger musician. Maybe you need some escape--it's OK to dream, or even try to make some reality of the dream. It's when you use it to avoid consequences and responsibilities that it is really a problem.
How is married life?
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
I agree about the goals. When we catastrophize problems we get the feeling that we are suffocating. Some of the things you described cant be undone. So pick one problem and focus on how to work things out. Once you resolve one issue you may find yourself able to deal with the other issues better.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”