Road to happiness....Part 2

[ye21]

Thank you EricSam you have no idea how you and all the people in this forum are helping me

[ericmsant2]

Ye

I am affraid

Fear is normal. How you deal with it is the key. Accept the Fear, name it, understand it.

Afraid to fail

DB101 – change how you look at things.

Think of it this way….

Failing = learning and learning is indeed a positive.

when I was with her I was always affraid and scared to fail,

Well I guess the fact that you are not with her NOW is a good thing. Here is the thing….are you really scared to fail OR are you really afraid to TRY.

so when I lost jobs and couldnt make tons of money I was stressed out,

First off, the amount of money you make should NOT define YOU. You as a person. See a lot of times we base how we feel on what cloths we have, how much money we have, etc. It really is all superficial. I am not saying that having money is a bad thing – but money in an of itself is really not the solution.

Are nuns crappy people? Are priest? They do not make a lot of money…yet they usually are amazing people.

I was affraid of how it was gonna affect me to see her kissing other guy in her play so I couldnt go because of that,

Hey Ye…IMO, if a girl is gonna cheat on you she is going to. IMO, one of the biggest mistakes men make is thinking that the physical act of cheating is the worse. It really isn’t. Women tend to be more emotional (not saying they do not like physical activity). When they love, they tend to love from the heart (not the lower extremities). They love with their emotions. So what she was gonna kiss someone. She is actress. Once you feel better about yourself, you will not be worrying about this. Once you KNOW in YOUR heart that you are a hell of a dude…we’ll then all of these insecurities start to go away.

my daily basis its been always affraid to do a mistake, for me my life have to had no mistakes so when she left me for mistakes that today I realize they werent so big I tend to feel dissapointed of myself, I underestand people does mistakes,

First stop living in the past. You made mistakes, I made mistakes, your W made mistakes…everyone makes mistakes.

The key is to LEARN from them and NOT repeat them over and over and over again.

So raise your right hand…and repeat after me… “I ye…promise to do the best I can. I WILL make mistakes. I am not perfect. Only God is perfect. I do promise myself that I will always try my best. I cannot control if that is not enough for other people. It will be enough for me”.

Now let go of all of your mistakes.

It is a new day brother….

I am not able yet to forgive those mistakes even if I realize that they were things I could not control...

GUILT – Let it go. I know…I know…”how”? Honestly, it is very simple IMO, you CHOOSE to let it go. Choose to live for TODAY not in your past.

I did not went to her play, I didnt made enough money,

I didn’t sh*t lilies when my ex asked me to! I am fine with that. It was NOT ALL YOUR fault Ye. I know it may feel like it…but it was not. Let it go brother…let go of the guilt.

Now….do me a favor…your next post should be positive. All positive.

Need inspiration?


How would you live your life…if you knew you only had 2 months to live? Would you be miserable? Would you rot in a pit of guilt?

Better yet….

How do you know that I do not have 2 months to live? Chit I am just words on a screen brother….

My point….Live life the best way you can. Look forward and up…not back and down. Choose that for YOU Ye.

[ye21]

“I ye…promise to do the best I can. I WILL make mistakes. I am not perfect. Only God is perfect. I do promise myself that I will always try my best. I cannot control if that is not enough for other people. It will be enough for me”.

Love this!! Thank you again Eric!! I am going to put my effort in dealing with this fear to fail!! The fear of not being perfect and become a better me.

In this time by myself I have seen beautiful things and thats the way I want to live, enjoying all those things, the true its I cant change what I did but I can change "the way I see" what I do know.

Its great to read your advice Eric thank you again

[ye21]

Today I went to a bike ride for 75 miles in 5 hours, hahaha I am getting crazy I guess..

The last night I didnt sleep well because I had the worst nightmare ever, I dreamed with my W being in a relationship with a guy and being mad mean with me...however...

I have a question...maybe Sandi2 could respond it?

Why my WAW family hasnt talk to me at all and even remove me from their facebook once my W left the house? Not even her friends had talked to me, basically nobody that we meet in common neither her family has asked me at all how I am or talked to me??? Isnt that a little weird?

[ye21]

I am so frustrated, I sm having an awful day today and today the wuestioning came back... Why she doesnt contact me? Why she took those things I did so much to the extreme? Why her family has stopped any contact with me? Why my W deleted every member of my family from her Facebook?

I feel like I am such a criminal for not going to her play its just for me all this way to extreme??

[ye21]

I guess I will vent here and take all this out of my chest besides the fact that I feel I am always acting as a victim, I am in my limits and I have no idea what else to do, I try and I just cant do it I dont know why.

Today I was working and at the end of the shift....surprise test, due to all the bills I have to pay I got an anxiety attack and failed a few questions, the manager who so far I noticed all she does its giving me attitude and not respecting me, told me that they are very concerned about my menu knowledge, which its great in front of the customers but once managers ask me I freak out and I forget amall details.

I am in panic and I just dont know what else to do, all this is just way too big for me.
I was a very confident person 4 years and a half ago and this relationship while its seems gave a lot of confidence to my W, has completelly destroyed my one, I know I did things wrong but I know that my W never told me what I was doing wrong, she just told me when she decided to leave me, everytime I asked her, is everything ok? She will always say, yes its ok, I am tired and exhausted of blaming myself for all this, how could I see what it was wrong if my W never complained or simply talked to me? I never had a conversation about problems, all that I hear was, go to therapy because it seems you get affected when you loose a job, and now I keep thinking I am not normal when I loose a job, I am not normal for suffering that she abandoned me, yes I didnt went to her play because I felt insecure, but also its true she never talked to me about the play or her career, she simply didnt want to share those things with me!!

And all this bs its destroying me, I am in a deep hole for the last 4 months almost and cant get out of it, all I am thinking today its if its worth it to live anymore, in therapy that time she told me the last year she was with me because she felt sorry for me it was a huge surprise, when she said she could not forget that I didnt went to her play... For 1 entire year she couldnt told me once how much that affected her, I had to trust her....a person that never freaking communicated with me, a roomate, how could I improve things then?
Its funny how she told me I always acussed her of being wrong...yes I did, when I told her it wasnt nice she hide our relationship to her mom because they felt ambarrased I wasnt albanian, how we got married in court because her family wasnt gonna come to the wedding, how everytime I visited her family they will make fun of me in albanian and always talk in albanian in front of me despite the fact that I dont know a word, my life was hard, I lost my father and I was illegal here so I could not go to his burial, I told my W to put together the 2 of us a saving plan and she will always say in a hars tone: I dont want to talk about that.

She never paid the car insurance, because it was "my car" I never receive ramdom gifts from her, never had a pic of both of us in her facebook, never receive any complements unless I askd her to tell me something nice, I am sorry but I cant put this person as the nice one, I was numerous times verbally abussed by her, and yes there are different ways to do things, yes I didnt made enough money for the first 2 years together but I was illegal and couldnt make no more at that time, I was hold to a big standard and it had an expiration date.... Make enough money or I leave you as I can see now, I never told her that, she didnt made more money to be happier with me, she did it to be an actress, thats why she got so resentfull when I propose her to do a savings plan together or to start thinking to buy a house, she just wouldnt like to put a bigger part from her money...
I cant no more, I am exhausted, depressed and this keeps comming back, I havent received yet the D papers and all this freaking D that she wants all that it has done its costed me money, sold my car for nothing, she hasnt paid the conedison bill, she hasnt paid the insurance, she cancelled me all my services at home so I had to pay deposits to restore them, and I cant keep up, now I might even loose again the job, and I dont even freaking now what am I doing so wrong, my fking mind let me down with that anxiety attack today and I am sure thats it, they will probably fire me this week.

I just want to know what can I do to get out of this, because up till this moment I dont want to live anymore, I cant keep falling that much I just cant, I putted such an effort in going to work and not get upset with the disrespectfull comments about my accent and things like that, I never responded back , I took the cooments and didnt let my ego respond, but the true is that I need a little, a little light that helps me get out of this, I dont see any hope and I try to build it, I need help in a way I can leave all this.

I feel like the worst person in the world for the mistakes I did, I mean seriously? My family in law didnt ever called me to see how I was doing, when I called 2 weeks ago my mother in law to talk to my W and tell her to not give me problems with the greencard, she seemed scared!!! And never called me back?? Wtf??

I just dont know nothing!! Rghhhh I hate my life and everything so much right now, I just cant get myself out of this, wtf am I doing so wrong???

[ye21]

This might sound bypolar but I will write it here.

After what happened with my job and the way I was feeling, I kept asking God for guidance, show me what to do...then I sit with my roomate to have a couple of beers in the garden, I told him a little about my job situation and he agree that I have to change something...

Up to today I am 34 years old, I have no kids, I am having financial problems, I am bored and tired of NY, I remembered how I used to tell my W that one day I wanna to live in Hawaii or upstate NY, basically in a place with nature, a couple years ago before Sandy hurricane we were planning to rent a room in Rockaway, but she ended saying no, because it was an hour commute each way....

So I was thinking about it tonight, I want a quieter life, calm, peace and way less stress, wake up everyday and see nature, and NY its definetly not the place, so I started to read all the signs...my favorite healer Wayne Dyer lives in Hawaii and continuously talks about being in contact with yourself....my entire life I kept saying no bog cities for me and now I am living in one, despite how I always complained about that in my M.

So I asked myself: why are you in NY? Whats keeping you in NY? Then the word came by: My Wife. I am here because I am expecting to reconcile with her and as times goes by and she doesnt do anything to reconcile then I get more desperate....
So I ask myself: what else is keeping you here? Do u like the city? No, I dont like NY since a long time ago, and I have nothing that keeps me here, I want to be more spiritual oriented in a city where all I feel its more: the more you have the more you are valued...
Again I asked myself, could you study in Hawaii? And the response again its yes I can...
So why I live in Ny? Because at this point I want to reconcile... And when things go wrong all I want to do its finish with everything and move out of here... So basically I am here because of my W not because of me.

And as I read in this forum many times: when are you start doing things for you?? And I guess, now, now its when I am going to do things for me...
I am starting to plan my move out of here, tomorrow I will keep talking with people and bike out of the city to contact with nature and listen to responses...

So thats my plan, and for the first time I feel at peace, and calm, and I am not scared to do it, I actually feel excited and happy about it...

[scooby]

Sounds like you are broadening your horizons and starting to GAL. Congratulations! I hope that someday I can be as strong as you. Right now I am just pathetic, hoping the last 5 months is just a nightmare and I will wake up. And my husband will be the old person I know, and want me to be close with him instead of pushing me away.

It sounds like your self esteem has been in the toilet for the last 4 months. I am sorry that this has happened to you. I hope that your W wakes up soon to what she is losing. I hope that you find some comfort in your trip to nature tomorrow.

[artsy]

Having a plan in place is a HUGE help to PMA! It gives you power back. Now you aren't waiting around for her- you're just waiting until your plan falls together. Good for you!

I'm a big fan of moving to different areas- especially if you have no family keeping you stuck in one spot. You only live once! Figure out a way to get to Hawaii, Aloha!!!!!

[ye21]

Yes, I have been stuck in NY for too long, its time for myself, I believe many of the changes I experienced but I could not put them together due to always being havig the fear of not having enough money...this os my moment, time for a bike trip to nature, as I hear: Bring yourself back to nature every time you are in doubt, nature created you and nature will bring you back