I'm going through all of this right now and H wants 50/50. No way if I can help it. To hard on the kids to switch houses every few days. They feel like they have no settled home. At least this is what a number of psychologists etc. have told me. Currently we are doing what is called "nesting" and we are moving in and out of the primary residence. Not fun but easier on the kids than moving every few days. Have you looked at all of the options offered. They all pretty much suck. I truly think it's hard on the kids to be forced to pack up all the time. No one ever gets settled. It [censored] for you that your the dad and you are the one that's the good guy. Good luck!!
I hear what your saying but the wouldn't the kids benefit from seeing both parents equally? My home is 2 km from her current place so same daycare, same school.
Personally I think it hard on the kids when one parent chose to leave breaking up a family, taking away there privilege of having a wonderful father in there lives on a frequent basis.
Never noticed any stress when they are at my place, its only hard when they leave & I return them to her place. They are both crying hanging on to my leg not wanting me to leave them.. to me that is harder on them than having 2 loving homes they can enjoy equally.
These situations are hard on everyone, We all suffer.
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
The hanging on to my leg breaks my heart.....Ill be honest it took a few weeks before I stopped crying everytime D4 did that.
The killer for me was trying to "sell" her time with Mommy when D4 would cry at the thought of having to be with her and Mommy was out and about enjoying her new life.
I need to continue selling Mommy until D4 is D18.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Its tough, no parent wants to see there kids cry like that. Still cant believe this is my new reality.
I am filled with some new anxiety regarding this custody/parenting plan that's in the works. Not sure why im so scared. Must be the fear of the unknown. If she is going to be uncooperative it will be in the laws hands. All I want is to see my boys as much as I can and did everything in my power to make that happen. I need to believe that it will all work out.
She drop over to get the kids and wow, she looks great. Why did I have to marry such a beautiful woman... Detach detach!
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Im mostly settled into my new house & love it, Plenty of projects to keep me busy. Finally got the internet!
The boys are so proud of their rooms, they are loving all the space to play. Its so much easier for transferring the kids, 3 min drive to her place and 5 minutes to day care. W even seem happier about it too.
Im still working on my version of the parenting plan. Before I do I am thinking about writing her a letter and asking if this is what she really wants and to let her know that I would like to start a new relationship with her. Given that this is not the ideal scenario to raise a very young family in.
Given all changes over the last 16 months we should try and give it another go. Im fully prepared to get a negative response but than at least I would know for sure.
If the kids ever ask "Daddy did you try to make it work with Mommy" I can say yes. Not to shame her but to show that I never gave up on trying to save this family.
I really feel that I have become awesome again, full of confidence, sober, full of energy and will make a wonderful partner for her.
Am I making a mistake with this approach?
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
I believe we are here to grow, to expand—to learn and experience and understand. Growth and discovery are the purpose of life.
I also believe we tend to get in our own way.
Our experiences, our cultures, and even our families can create fears and limitations that can hold us back, or hold us down. They don’t do this intentionally. It’s just that we’re all doing the best we can in this beautiful, messy, complicated world.
There are so many circumstances or experiences that can get in the way of our growth and stifle our creativity and our lives.
I’ve discovered in the last 5month of my marriage issue that there are three mistakes we often make in our endeavors to grow, create, or experience something new:
Mistake #1: Not Taking Your Instincts Seriously
Have you ever said “I’m fine” when inside you were hurt or afraid? Or said “It’s not a big deal” when, in fact, it was consuming your every waking thought (and likely your dreams)?
It matters because those things are signs that you are not on the right track, signs that something is out there calling your name, signs that you’re ready to discover and devour it.
And those signs should always be taken seriously. Listen to where your inner voice. It’s there for a reason
Wow Lost, what you wrote sent chills down my spine.
The growth I have experienced since the BD has been huge. It has been a extremely painful yet rewarding journey.
Looking back I did have them feelings that I was not happy in my marriage, and really it was me not being happy with myself that poisoned our marriage. Told myself that it will be fine while using pot and alcohol as a coping mechanism. I had a gut feeling that how I was behaving wasn't healthy for our relationship and did nothing to change it until it all came crumbling down.
We have been interacting nicely toward each other lately and seen a look in her eyes I haven't seen in a while.
My fear is being alone and part time single father 2 young boys.
I fear this new reality is not the ideal scenario to raise my beautiful children in.
I got a feeling that this is the right time for me to express my ideas on moving forward, with or without her. I need to do this for me.
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Growth requires space—actual physical space, as well as space in your schedule.
I tend to see two reasons people don’t create this space:
They think it’s selfish. They have kids, work, afraid w will finally settled with OM or replace them, chores, and obligations. It would be selfish to put those off just for themselves. Or they don’t think it’s possible. They have kids, work, chores, and obligations. Who has time or energy to undertake anything else? While both of those are really symptoms of not taking it seriously, there is more to it.
If you think it’s selfish to create time for you—to chase a dream, to process an emotion, to rest and reconnect—you’re not seeing one very important fact:
You can’t give to others what you don’t have, and you don’t have what you don’t take the time to give to yourself.
Growth requires self-compassion, patience, and generosity. If you ignore it, it will nag you, deplete you, and bury you in stress.
But when you give yourself the things you need, you soon begin to overflow those same things—the compassion, patience, love and generosity – back into your world.
When your soul is filled up to overflowing, the feeling of impossibility takes care of itself.
Make the things that matter—such as self-care, compassion, your kids and authenticity—priorities, and you’ll find you have the time and energy to create the life you visualize. With or without your wife. You can do it man!
"We have been interacting nicely toward each other lately and seen a look in her eyes I haven't seen in a while.
My fear is being alone and part time single father 2 young boys.
I fear this new reality is not the ideal scenario to raise my beautiful children in.
I got a feeling that this is the right time for me to express my ideas on moving forward, with or without her. I need to do this for me. [/quote]
It’s not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It’s because we dare not venture that they are difficult. It's okay to try but you and your kids should come first before anyone.
