Hi everybody! Thank you for all of your loving posts! I have been here daily reading along. I haven't had much to post regarding my own sitch. The remaining time that h was here was really good. We had a lot of fun actually. He spent a few nights in the guest room, much to the delight of the kids.
I did end up talking to h about staying at the house and about coming more often and he was agreeable. I am not going to bring it up again. I have said it and will let it go. Whatever h decides at the end of the day needs to come from him and I am sure he is doing a lot of thinking. He seems gloomy at times. I keep my communication with him very upbeat and friendly whether it's about the kids - and more recently we have been talking more about other stuff too.. He told me about some problems at work, etc.
Our communication is definitely improving. I am working hard to be very mindful and empathetic .. Sometimes I have to put my feelings ya on hold. Most of the time actually. However there is a slow subtle thawing.. I have taken a few conscious 'risks' and extended a few more invitations to him for when he comes back next time. They were met postively. I think he is trying in his own way as well. He tells me more things about who he is with or why he doesn't respond right aWay sometimes to texts ( without me asking or promoting).
I'm not saying it means we are moving towards each other and while I keep my expectations very low I am still learning to not be a slave to my emotions. I am still learning and growing. I have let go of of much fear and hurt. It's been the hardest 4 years of my life and I finally feel like I am where I need to be. I am so grateful for this journey for what it has done for me and in turn my parenting, my relationships and my perspectives on life. I don't know what will happen with h- and I am sure there will be more hardships in the future, but I feel prepared to deal without fear. I am much more interested in today than tomorrow.
I love you all
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
busting, Take things slowly and continue to do what is working for you. Listening, not offering advice and being upbeat appear to be the keys in getting your h to open up a bit more each time. Sounds like he is thawing out a bit and I'm very happy for that.
I am very happy that he stayed over even if he slept in the guest room. This is a huge step for him.
How are you and the children doing these days? What's on your agenda for the weekend?
Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Job. Thank you for your post. The kids are doing really well, thank God. We were in my country last week seeing my parents and my family all commented on how much better my son seems to be dong compared to last summer. I was pleased to hear that. I suppose it's a combination of time, and maybe a little bit of me helping him cope and maybe a little bit of h's steps towards the family.
My son is at a friends house for the night and my daughter has a friend over. I have brought them to play at a playground and I hope to squeeze a walk in myself. I have book club tomorrow which I look forward too.
How are you Job? :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
It is a big step for him. I made a small 'mistake' the first time he slept at the house saying that was nice. He changed the subject immediately and became uncomfortable --- so yeah.. I quickly realized that no comment is necessary.. Lol
But I did tell him about the comments my family made about son doing better and I said that is partly do to him (h) as well and it's a good thing. I wanted to praise him subtlety. I didn't get a comment back but it was not awkward or uncomfortable.
I will do my best to continue on my path. Thank you Job again for your insight and support
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Busting, you are doing great. Just remember that reconnection (if this is what it is) is a very delicate process. I know it is hard and you want to tell him to just snap out of his MLC already. You’ve been in this for a long time now, and I understand how tiring it is. I get impatient every time I think there is a movement towards the better, and then, when there is a setback, I’m ready to quit. It is happening to me again (if you read my updates.)
I really do have a lot of hope for you. Just keep it slow and don’t let yourself to raise big expectations.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thank you bright and WBW. I truly don't know what this is. I remember more often now though things that were said to me when I first came here. About patience, slow is fast, a marathon, time being a gift, GALIng ... Etc. It all makes so much more sense now. Even trying to figure out what and where h is on his journey. In hindsight I can see things clearer. But where he is now..? I don't know. So I will try and continue doing my best at understanding and learning and implementing what I need to do for myself and my kids while working on letting go of fear so I can focus on where I am right now.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Busting, I’m here with you, trying to figure out where H is in terms of MLC. I have doubts once again that he is in MLC at all. He doesn’t seem to fit the pattern. I keep reading and re-reading the stages of MLC from Hears Blessing and Job’s postings, and I can’t determine where he is.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I think it can only be figured out in hindsight.. When you can lay the pattern on action that has already happened.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
