AWESOME MOVE ROCK STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Moving sure is a fuggin bizitch :))
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
While im busy with realtors and banking stuff I got the inevitable letter from W and her L to legalize the separation..
Her terms are kind of ridiculous. Basically she wants primary custody, child support, and me to be a weekend Dad.. if I choose to. And am allowed visit during the week. All this to be reviewed in 10 YEARS!
Im quite stressed out about this because I know it will be a challenge to change her mind regarding the parenting plan document she sent. I will take a few days to make the suggested changes that I would like to see in this plan.
1 ) More time with the kids. My first step was buying a house in the same community. I can drop them off at daycare in the morning and pick them up at suppertime, just like she is doing now.
2 ) 50/50 custody. It is what’s fair for the kids… and us adults. They love us both, seeing them cry every time after I visit is just too much. I want to tuck them in at night, read books with them, be more involved in the day to day activities of the boys. Thinking since there so young we can take 2-3 day shifts, it would be ideal so we can really focus on being a fully engaged parent then have a break to recharge.
Does any of this sound unreasonable to you folks on this forum? Any suggestions on how I should approach this challenge respectfully, while still following the DB principles?
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
M, my opinion is you need to drop DB'ing when it comes to divorce negotiations. Fight for your rights. Forget about validation during negotiations, there are plenty of other things you can validate her on. Stand your ground. If you don't have an L then get one and if your W refuses to negotiate then turn it over to the L's.
This was really inspirational. Thanks for posting it.
H: 43 W: 37 M: 11 years T: 12 years S: 11 D: 8 ILYBINILWY, "I want to move out" and "I want a divorce": 3/23/14 MC started: 9/22/14 Affair and past infidelity discovered: 9/26/14 Piecing: 10/20/14
I fell like Ive got the best of a sucky situation. I have D4 Sat afternoon - wed am (drop off at daycare)
X has D4 wed pm (p/u at daycare) through Sat afternoon
What I like about this setup is that we both share time, I have Thur and Fri nights "off" and there is only one Mommy to Daddy handoff (Sat afternoon)
10 year review is BS
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
I'm going through all of this right now and H wants 50/50. No way if I can help it. To hard on the kids to switch houses every few days. They feel like they have no settled home. At least this is what a number of psychologists etc. have told me. Currently we are doing what is called "nesting" and we are moving in and out of the primary residence. Not fun but easier on the kids than moving every few days. Have you looked at all of the options offered. They all pretty much suck. I truly think it's hard on the kids to be forced to pack up all the time. No one ever gets settled. It [censored] for you that your the dad and you are the one that's the good guy. Good luck!!
W-38 H-42 T-11 M-8 C-6,2,6 months BD-Oct 1 2013 DFiled-Jan 6 2014 Went Dark - April 4, 2014
I'm going through all of this right now and H wants 50/50. No way if I can help it. To hard on the kids to switch houses every few days. They feel like they have no settled home. At least this is what a number of psychologists etc. have told me. Currently we are doing what is called "nesting" and we are moving in and out of the primary residence. Not fun but easier on the kids than moving every few days. Have you looked at all of the options offered. They all pretty much suck. I truly think it's hard on the kids to be forced to pack up all the time. No one ever gets settled. It [censored] for you that your the dad and you are the one that's the good guy. Good luck!!
My brother and his ex do a 2-3-2 split and that is just nuts in my opinion. The kids practically live out of suitcases. My brother has to have the kids constantly remind him of when they're supposed to do the exchange. There's also a lot of confusion over homework and projects- which parent is responsible. My ex and I chose to do 1 week rotations (50-50 custody), we switch off every Sunday. Granted the kids would rather live in one home with happily married parents, but this has been a good compromise. The schedule is clearcut and there's no interruptions during the school week. No confusion over homework either.
My brother and his ex do a 2-3-2 split and that is just nuts in my opinion. The kids practically live out of suitcases. My brother has to have the kids constantly remind him of when they're supposed to do the exchange. There's also a lot of confusion over homework and projects- which parent is responsible. My ex and I chose to do 1 week rotations (50-50 custody), we switch off every Sunday. Granted the kids would rather live in one home with happily married parents, but this has been a good compromise. The schedule is clearcut and there's no interruptions during the school week. No confusion over homework either.
IMO the best possible option for a broken family is to do 50/50 with the kids changing homes every week. One week with one parent and then the next week with the other parent. This obviously requires that both parents live in the same area so that schools, after school activities, friends, etc all stay the same. I know of a lot of families that have this arrangement and it's the best option given the alternatives (other than both parents living under one roof as a happy family).
It blows me away that the WAS is often so concerned about 50/50 and what that will do to the kids. If they were truly concerned with the kids then they would STAY IN THE MARRIAGE. As MWD says, all but the most severe problems in a marriage can be solved and the kids deserve that. D is hardest on the kids. No matter the arrangement it's going to be hard on them but 50/50 is the only real option.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
