Back in November, I was working long hours and travelling for work. Our nanny came to stay with us to help my husband out. He really liked the support and suggested that with a new baby due in January she should become live in. I was hesitant but before I knew what happened she had giving notice on her apartment and moved all her stuff in.
When I finally got a break from work, home life was strained. My husband didn't seem to enjoy having me around and spent most of his time hanging out with our Nanny.
On a trip to NY in December after a couple of glasses of wine he told me he didn't think he loved me. This was followed by mean comments every time he's been drinking since. There have also been a lot of heating arguments concerning the time he was spending with her.
I understand why he needed this "friendship". I was knackered and depressed when I was pregnant.
After all this he told me he hasn't been happy for a very long time and that in his head we had been separated for quite a while (we've been sleeping in separate rooms for months now).
Without his consent but in his presence I told the nanny that she must move out. I decided that the situation was getting me down and that it must not continue. Now my husband is also moving out. However, he doesn't want it to be public knowledge, nor does he want our 2 year old to know.
I have been trying the last resort technique for the last couple of weeks and there have been some promising signs. For instances its my birthday in two weeks and he wants to plan the day and do something just the two of us.
This morning, I went to speak to him at 5am and the door was locked. When he answered I realised that the nanny had gone into the toilet without the light on. I feel like if this was innocent then she wouldn't have reacted like that. Now I feel stupid for trying to save my marriage. Is it worth saving?!?
Thanks for reading- I promise this is actually the condensed version!
Sorry to see you here. Its worth saving if your willing to put in the work to become the best person you can be. Read the DR and use Sandi2's 37 rules and it will help you get through this.
If it dont save your marriage the awesome side benefit from this is that it will save you!
Keep posting, you will be in good hands here.
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
We spoke last night and I got the impression that he is also invested in saving our marriage. It was exactly what I needed to continue on with the last resort technique. : )
here you will get advice that doesn't have any favoritism.
but I would think the worst.. Trust in your instincts.. .. is the nanny involved..? .. expect the worst.. the best thing is to GAL and take a step back. think about what you need, and what you expect... breathe...what do you feel.. that is the answer.... if you want to fix this you must take the place of the nanny...
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
I don't see where the two of you actually worked on the M. The nanny isn't the problem. Once she's gone, if the problems haven't been worked out, then it will just be someone else.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Tomorrow he officially moves out. It feels like we are one step closer to divorce.
I've been spending the time working on myself right now. He's not in a place where he wants to "work" on things.
We plan to talk later today. I have gotten to the point at which I'm ready to tell him that if he's not ready to work on things then I give up and I'm moving on. Moving on likely means moving to the other end of the world with the kids, which I know is selfish. Should I fight the urge to tell him I'm moving on?
In need of some advise. We have two children, one is 2 and one is 2 months. Because of this I see my H every day and we message each other about the kids. Any tips on how to create distance as part of the last resort technique?
He's been gone two weeks but I see him so much it feels like we're still a couple just without any intimacy.
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Roberta, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 Roberta@divorcebusting.com
Unfortunately we still have a joint account at the moment and I don't think he'd be happy seeing such a large unexplained charge going through so I need to wait till we split our finances or try to hide it from him somehow.
