I often wonder if its more difficult when you are going back and forth trying to reconcile as your going through PM, Or her not showing any signs of wanting to get back together. Ether way its a tough road.
No matter how hard I DB it still looks like she don't want us to get back together. When we swap the kids there is just no connection anymore, very business like.
Thats where im wondering if anything I am doing is working to get us back together, sure the DB principals helped me become a better person greatly! She is nicer to me but no laughing, joking, or casual conversations. Just get the boys and leave type of deal.
Wondering what else I can do differently...
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
You job right now is to continue becoming the strongest individual you can possibly become. The best man you can be. At this point, like me, all you can do is work on co-parenting. To do it right and minimally child impacting- its real hard.
Who were you when you met her at 27? Outgoing, strong, confident? Thats the person she was attracted too....Where is THAT Maritimer?
(FYI- I asked myself that same question and I might as well hit a giant Midlife crisis button)
She isnt laughing, joking or casually conversing right now because she is hyper- vigilant in making sure she doesnt give you any mixed signals.
stop TRYING to get her back - live YOUR life......its the only shot of her waking up.
It is a business right now.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Im doing what I can to become strong again PS, This whole situation has been such a blow to my self esteem its hard to find that confident guy I was 11 years ago.
I do need to totally let go. Friends, family and my therapist are all against me wanting to reconcile. All I want is whats best for the kids and firmly believe that would be in a 2 parent household. That is beyond my control.
Its hard to have hope and let go at the same time. I cannot do both. My next step for me to move forward, I need to let go of any hope we have on reconciling. The only thing I can control is myself and be the best Dad I can for my boys.
Thanks for the support Postivespin, I really needed that today!
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
I do need to totally let go. Friends, family and my therapist are all against me wanting to reconcile. All I want is whats best for the kids and firmly believe that would be in a 2 parent household. That is beyond my control.
If my therapist tells me to go against my choice, I will CHOOSE another one...if my family told me to forget about reconciliation I will stop talking to them about it... Simple as that... You dont have to convince other of your choices only yourself... When you try to convince others of your choices you are in reality doubting of your choices.... Nobody can choose for you...just you
My therapist supports me in every action I take thats why I keep working with her, she doesnt judge me...she listens to me and ask me questions....
My sister believes my W its inmature and she deserves the unhapiness she is experiencing now and she advices me to fill For D as soon as possible...thats not my choice so I stopped talking to my sister about my Sitch....
I believe in my choice and as once MrBond told me:: you dont find hope...you made it yourself....moving on and remarry will be easier but is it my choice? Nop so I have to believe in my choice and works towards it not against it...
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
If my therapist told me to go against my choice I will choose another one...( I mean I will choose another therapist)
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
I guess that is were patience comes into play. Not sure how much longer I am willing to wait for her to come around.. if she ever does! Its human nature to want to be around somebody who loves you and share your life with. I really miss that part of being in a relationship.
My therapist told me I have all the tools I need to move on from the hurt I encountered with this separation. My sessions end next week so that would be it with therapy.
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
If thats not a HUGE step forward then nothing is! You need to celebrate that action- Thats a statement!
You go at your own pace. Ive told my mother (Exact words)" Do not do ANYTHING to sabotage my chances at R. I understand the feeling that you want to confront her but I swear to god that if I R and you ever do anything to make her uncomfortable you will not see my family or I again"
As michelle says in the book- Your family, friends and paid support team will all want you to "move on" because they dont want to see you in pain. There comes a point thou that after you CLEARLY state your desire to R that if they continue to push in a different direction - you need to distance.
Only YOU know what YOU want. You are 10000000% accurate that children are so much better off when there parents are in a loving married relationship. Your wife isnt there yet and you cant influence her.
How do we work on the self confidence?????? That aspect needs to be completely divorced from your wife (pun intended). I know I just read a list of achievements on a guy named Maritimers thread that looked pretty god damn impressive.
If your current definition of "success" is "Getting my family back" you need to change that first. NOT because it will/wont happen, but simply because its W decision....and you have 0 control.
Adopt a newby........youve come a long way sir and your on a very solid path :)Its time to help a bomb battered male soul survive hell............hopefully as well as you have after ONLY 14 months
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Hey PS, Things are crazy busy trying to get the house in order, Lawyers, transferring utilities all for the April 2 move in date.
So yes, I got the house! A bit nervous and excited the same time. This will be better as I am 2.5km from the ex's place so exchanging of the kids will be less time consuming than the 30 minute commute each way that I do now. There is a big back yard to play in and they get there own rooms.
My idea of success is to heal from this pain. The pain of losing so much, from my time away from my children and losing the woman I expected to spend the rest of my life with. Still having trouble detaching.. She is just so darn attractive, After all the pain she put me through I would go back to her in a flash if she wanted me to. It would be whats best for our family. Seeing my boys cry every time I leave hurts me so much. Dont look like it effects her at all, No one wants to see there children in pain.
I need to reevaluate my definition of success. Me moving closer to the kids and spending more time with them is the first step.
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
