For Scorp7...since your thread is locked.

[Wonka]

Scorp,

All of the posters have raised very valid concerns and questions.

Now, I am going to talk here as if you were a close friend of mine IRL (in real life).

Scorp,

Eric wrote:

OR you can go for FULL custody.

Have you ever thought of this? After reading some recent posts with more and more additional information, I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that you WILL most likely come ahead of your W if you go for the full custody. Here's why:

1) According to you, you live in a nice neighborhood that is not crime ridden
2) You have the house and probably can afford to buy out your W
3) You have a full-time job that allows you to support the three of you financially in the family house
4) Your neighborhood is within a good school district and the kids know their friends from that school
5) Your W just upped and "kidnapped" the kids AWAY from their own home, their school, their friends

Let W move closer to your province if she wants to spend time with the kids! A change of perspective produces a different set of possibilities for you. See?

What do you think?

Scorp, man....^^^ that right there is real stuff delivered on a GOLD platter for you. We've talked and talked about your fears holding you back because you just want to be the "nice guy" here. Who are the real losers? The kids, because of your ill conceived choices which by the way is based on imaginary fears, will not have a nice house to live in, grow up in a good neighborhood, have a solid educational foundation for adulthood, etc....ALL FOR WHAT?? Because you were too f*cking scared of a woman who lives 4 HOURS AWAY!

Doesn't that sound kinda silly to you at all, right?

Not getting through to you here?

Ok.

You're an idiot! You can't be serious in not going after FULL custody. What you need is to face head on the illusion behind the green curtain that is the Oz which is your W. Face it and then you'll earn the "Bravery" medal for your kids. Roar like a true LION. Not a yelp from a tiny teensy Yorkie newborn pup.

Right?

Which is the BETTER choice for YOUR kids?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please keep in mind that this is what I would have said to a close friend after several supportive, neutral discussions getting no where...then pulling no punches with my friend with straight talk.

[Wonka]

And I'd hold off on sending any emails to W until the end of this week....it is a MAJOR decision that will impact you and the kids. W can wait a bit longer!

We truly, truly want you to see that 100 people here DO see that going for FULL custody is the BEST choice for the kids. 100:1 are pretty strong odds here, Scorp. We all are urging you to step back and really re-think your stance on the 50/50 custody. Why? Because it is based on fear. When people make choices based on fear, the outcome is usually 99% unfavorable. I am sure that you probably made some awful choices in the past that were based on fear, right?

To nearly all of us, it's a no-brainer. If I may suggest, if I were you, I'd discuss options from the FULL custody angle with L. It is my sense that you haven't fully explored what entails requesting FULL custody with your L. Right or wrong?

[Scorp7]

What you seem to be missing is that it is VERY rare for ANY parent to get full custody of the kids in Canada. BTW, custody and time with the kids are two different things. Custody refers to a parent having a say in how their kids live (where they go to school, their medical care, after school activities etc). Time with them is a totally separate issue.

I can't speak to how things are down south, but up here it is VERY rare for a father to get full custody of the kids. If the mother is deemed "unfit" then the father will POSSIBLY get full custody and the mother would have ever other weekend visitation rights with the kids. The far more common scenario is for the father to have shared custody of their kids and see them every other weekend. This is not fear, it is FACT. Do you really think I haven't done a TON of my own fact finding to know what my chances are in a custody fight?

This has NOTHING to do with me being a nice guy. If I thought that I could have my kids brought back to my province I would have that done BUT IT WILL NOT HAPPEN. I haven't spoken much about my W but I do think, despite her recent actions, she is a good mother. I know my kids need her just as much as they need me.

[Scorp7]

Wonka, I have discussed custody and time with my L as well as a couple of other L's. Not one even hinted at my getting full custody or time with my kids as being remotely possible.

If you have time look up Bill C-560, equal parenting, it is set to be presented to the federal government next week. It has been around for about 15 years and has not been passed but it may be getting closer to being passed. Basically it would change family law in Canada such that both parents would be automatically assumed to have 50/50 custody and time with the kids upon dissolution of a marriage.

This bill hasn't passed yet. If it does that would be great. If you do some reading on the bill you will also turn up a lot on just how biased the courts are against men obtaining equal rights with their kids, let alone having a hope of full custody. Does it happen that a father gets full custody, sure, but it's a very rare exception where the mother was totally unfit or a danger to her kids.

[Wonka]

Scorp,

I can't speak to how things are down south, but up here it is VERY rare for a father to get full custody of the kids.

It has happened/does happen.

If I thought that I could have my kids brought back to my province I would have that done BUT IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.

Based on what? You're just 'predicting' a future scenario that HASN'T happened...yet. So....you don't know unless you go for FULL custody.

Really...what I am seeing here is that you seem have made up your mind to offer 50/50 and give up a beautiful home to move a crime-ridden area. It's your life. Not mine.

It is very important that you can LIVE with this choice and quite comfortable with it because YOU will need live with the consequences of your decisions.

Okay...it's on! Then work with L on the 50/50 custody.

[Scorp7]

The first L I spoke to said that we could "shoot for the moon and ask for shared custody and time". He also hinted that I get used to being discriminated against in the process.

The second L said we could go for shared custody and time but that courts are still weighted in favor of the mother.

The L I hired said something similar but that she thought I would likely end up with more than just every other weekend for sure and would have a chance at shared time.

I have spoken to countless parents that are D that have spoken of their experiences as well. I have not spoken to ONE father that has full custody and that includes a father who's ExW was a drunk and abusive to her kids.

[Wonka]

Scorp,

Silly me for missing this post you put up about three posts back....

What you seem to be missing is that it is VERY rare for ANY parent to get full custody of the kids in Canada.

If I am reading this right, it would be very HARD for your W to get FULL custody of the kids as well? Is that what I am understanding here correctly?

So it would appear that nobody up in Canada gets FULL custody of the kids in divorce...huh? It is nearly all 50/50....regardless if one parent is declared "unfit" or "incapable"...is that about right?

[Barrybran]

Hey Scorp, what is your wife's town really like. Take off the Scorp-goggles for a moment and think about the good and bad things. Is it a place you could be happy in? Is it a place your kids could be happy in?

[Scorp7]

Wonka, it's rare for parents to get full CUSTODY, that is not time with the kids. Mother's often do get the majority of time with the kids but custody is usually shared.

Thanks for the sarcasm, very helpful.

[Scorp7]

Barry, the town has some good points. The school seems to be decent. The class sizes are generally reasonable. There are worse places we could be. Compared to where we were living it falls short in a lot of areas but as long as my kids have their Mom and their Dad we can make it work.