AS, Good for you on painting your room! I am glad your son gets to hang out in the neighborhood with friends over spring break.i think that is so important!
I am on the similar timeline as you.( BD, S) in my case D was filed in oct. no movement. The petition is being sent to dismiss in May. not holding my breath. H is waiting on work changes( a move out of town) to come thru. I know this is mind-reading. However, h has made no indications whatsoever about R. We are still friendly. I told h I choose to be friendly.
AS, you always give such thoughtful advice. I look for your responses. You are a really great dad. I know you enjoy this time with your kids.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I agree with Groov, your posts seem so well thought out. Do you feel like you've always had a good gasp of DB'ing since BD? Did you make any DB'ing mistakes early in like the rest of us do?
Anyhow, really respect you for hanging in there. You certainly have gone the distance and seem to be staying hopeful.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
Hey folks, thanks for checking in First a quick update- this may be my last post as a married person, LOL! W finally forwarded the revised decree to me on Friday, I reviewed it and sent back a couple of typos I found, the L revised it again and W printed it out and we both signed it Friday evening. We're due in court tomorrow morning at 8:45. I think the paperwork is all in order, so it should breeze through court. So this time tomorrow I'll probably be D'd. It's not over yet though, once the D is final then we've got to go about splitting up assets, signing over titles and such. And I've got to take out a loan to pay W back for half the house value. My emotions are quite neutral at this point, I'm dealing with it like I would a business transaction. It really feels like more of a relief than anything.
I took the kids for indoor skydiving on Thursday, we had so much fun! My only complaint was it was over too fast for the money spent, but it was definitely a unique experience! Then I took Friday off and we went to see a movie and then out for lunch. My special order ceiling fan came in as well, so I put that in my MBR and it looks amazing! Saturday I took D19 and her BFF to Dark Hour (haunted house in Plano), they had a St. Pattie's Day theme that was AWESOME! I was really in awe of the place, it looked SOOOOO cool, and they had some great theme-specific features like a room with animatronic tooth fairies extracting teeth from victims, LOL! All in all it was an awesome weekend
Originally Posted By: Groovshadow
I am sorry about all this. My W is wanting her D done too... I have not lifted a finger. I could very well be D'd in 3 months. Still hoping for a miracle.
Groov, thank you, sorry to hear you're going through the same. I've got to say though, we talk a lot here about how sometimes D is required for the WAS to feel the pressure has been lifted, but my experience is that D is lifting the pressure from ME. I like to be in control of my life and I feel like ever since BD I've just been along for the ride, at the whim of my W. I mean I did GAL and I did work on myself, but regarding the M I was just a passenger. I feel like after tomorrow I will be back in control of my own destiny whatever that may be, so even though I will be assuming a lot of debt at least it's MY debt that I control. I've mentioned before that it always felt like the D was constantly looming over my head, so was the financial settlement because it was a big question mark. To finally have a hard number gives me a goal I can work towards. Plus the D will prevent my W from ever taking advantage of me again regarding her runaway credit card debt. Yeah, it's a big relief!
Originally Posted By: willbwell
I am on the similar timeline as you.( BD, S) in my case D was filed in oct. no movement.
My W filed August of last year and I really think if I hadn't pushed to get it moving it would still be in limbo. You just never know what they're thinking, but I think that while they talk about D on some level they really don't want it. They're afraid to love us again because they think they'll get hurt again if they do, but they're also afraid to completely let us go.
Quote:
AS, you always give such thoughtful advice. I look for your responses. You are a really great dad. I know you enjoy this time with your kids.
You are so sweet, thank you
Originally Posted By: Bunches
I agree with Groov, your posts seem so well thought out. Do you feel like you've always had a good gasp of DB'ing since BD? Did you make any DB'ing mistakes early in like the rest of us do?
Thank you! Oh my yes, I certainly made my share of mistakes. Sometimes I had to stop myself and ask "if someone else were saying/ doing this, what would I tell them?" LOL! It's funny how it can be hard to apply DB principals to our own sitches when they seem so obvious in someone else's, so I had to learn to step outside of my sitch and try to see it from the viewpoint of an impartial bystander.
Originally Posted By: nit84
Couldn't agree more with all the above posts!!
My respect for you, AS, is immense beyond words!!
Thank you Nit, that's really nice of you!
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Way to go with the BR, AS!!
Thank you, it's amazing what a color change can do, I just find it so much more pleasing to even just walk through the bedroom to the closet or bathroom now, it just makes me go "aaaaaaah"
I hear you on the debt thing, I think it is the boogy man in the closet for a lot of us. The WAS usually does not think that far and all of the implications involved with it. With kids in college and more to come in can be overwhelming. But don't forget the advice you gave me live for the day and not focus too much on the future. I know I tell my girls I love them a lot more and when I am doing something with them they will tell me they love me out of no where and that feels very good....I don't take those things for granted.
Thanks 7720! The only concern I had on the debt was that W may have even more hidden that I don't know about, but now that the D is done I am totally insulated against any hidden debt she may have, and any future debt she accumulates.
And on that note, the D is done. It is honestly a bit surprising that a 21 year marriage can be ended so quickly, seems like it took forever for us to get married, hahaha! We were the first ones on the court docket so we were in and out in less than an hour. I've got to say that W's lawyer made the whole process run much smoother, she knew exactly what to present to the judge and how to present it. I think we would have been a little lost otherwise, so I can see the value in having a L even if both parties agree on everything.
Right now I'm not really feeling anything over the M ending, kind of ambivalent really. Not sure if that's because I'm in shock at it being over so fast or (more likely) because this is really just a formality on a M that was already over.
I'm going to open a new thread on Surviving the Big D and will post there from now on, but I will continue to read and post to other people's threads here too
I have appreciated your responses to my posts, they have been extremely welcomed and more importantly have helped me out. I can't thank you enough.
I hope you will continue to check in on me now and again. Things are getting better with me and sitch I believe but it is a long journey and could you use your wisdom and thoughts still I'm sure. That sounds really needy doesn't it? Sorry.
I most certainly will follow your posts in your new thread to keep up with you.
Thank you again and God Bless you!
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
First a quick update- this may be my last post as a married person, LOL! W finally forwarded the revised decree to me on Friday, I reviewed it and sent back a couple of typos I found, the L revised it again and W printed it out and we both signed it Friday evening. We're due in court tomorrow morning at 8:45. I think the paperwork is all in order, so it should breeze through court. So this time tomorrow I'll probably be D'd. It's not over yet though, once the D is final then we've got to go about splitting up assets, signing over titles and such. And I've got to take out a loan to pay W back for half the house value. My emotions are quite neutral at this point, I'm dealing with it like I would a business transaction. It really feels like more of a relief than anything.