Wow, what a difference a few days make! I received the D papers (37 pages, ugh) a couple of days ago. I reviewed them last night and it looks like everything is pretty well in order although I need to make a more detailed pass through them. The financial requests all look reasonable. The petition was filed in August, so we're already past the 60 day waiting period (here in TX). All that's left now is to agree to the details, sign it and go to court to finalize it. Looks like I'll be D'd in a matter of weeks.
I thought it would be an emotional experience to receive the D papers and see it all in black and white, but surprisingly it wasn't at all. It's felt like this whole D thing has been hanging over my head like Damocles' sword and I was getting pretty tired of just not knowing what was going on. So it's actually a relief to have the papers and see the end of the tunnel. Time to close this chapter of my life and open a new one!
I'll keep posting here until the D is complete, then will move over to the "Surviving the Big D" forum.
It's been a heck of a journey, thanks to all of you for being there and offering support, comments and direction. It was a big help, especially just after BD when I was really lost, scared and confused!
I would say sorry to hear of this development, but it seems like you're taking it in stride. Glad to hear everything in the settlement seems reasonable, I wish I could say the same about what W sent over to me. Best of luck to you in your next chapter!
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
You are so strong to be taking this so well. You really have a good grasp of what DB'ing is all about and I guess it prepared you for the worst. Glad to hear you find it a relief.
Maybe this is what she needs to help herself get out of the fog and realize she left a spouse only a fool would. As you say to others, you never know she might come back down the road.
Your a class act and an inspiration to others, especially your children. Keep up the great work!
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Hi AS it sounds like you are dealing with this with class and dignity exactly what I would have expected of you. Hopefully you will be around 'newcomers' for a while yet I know from my personal experiences that a reply from you is something I look for first (always seems to give me clarity and focus) and I also take so much from your comments to others, they all matter to us still in dark places, hopefully you know how much that helps and matters, really matters!!! You should be a poster boy for the DB forums I am imagining Russell Crowe in gladiators!! That feels so wrong writing that haha!!
Cheers H
Me: 39 W: 33 Son:7 Daughter:4 Its Over: March 7th 2013 Moved back home Mid June, trying to make it work
First an update- W had me served yesterday, she had to do it because I told her I wouldn't sign a waiver (I would have surrendered all rights to being notified of the court hearings and such, didn't feel secure doing that as I really don't know if I can trust W in the state she's in). I was about to go to the gym and was putting on my shoes, so S11 answered the door. When I walked up the server said "here are your divorce papers". And of course S11 heard, ugh. He laid on the floor in the living room and was crying. I asked him how it made him feel, told him I was sorry he felt that way. I didn't try to tell him everything would be fine or anything like that, just let him process the feelings. He seemed a lot better about 10 minutes later. I found out later from D17 that he thought that the D was final, that's why it upset him so much. W and I talked about it and decided not to tell him otherwise because it will be final pretty soon anyway and we didn't want him to go through that again.
W came over last night and we reviewed the "final decree", we made some small revisions that we both agreed on. I sent my "response" back to her L today (required after being served). At this point all that's left is the final court date to record the D.
W still has the "temporary" wrap on her arm, she really hates the thing as it great limits mobility and it's very uncomfortable. It was supposed to have been removed by now, but when she went in for a visit they told her they wanted to leave it on 2 more weeks! She was not at all happy about that!
Originally Posted By: KdogGS
I would say sorry to hear of this development, but it seems like you're taking it in stride. Glad to hear everything in the settlement seems reasonable, I wish I could say the same about what W sent over to me. Best of luck to you in your next chapter!
Thank you! So sorry to hear it's not going as well with your W, it sure makes things easier when both parties are in agreement. Takes a lot of the stress out of an otherwise touchy situation. When I mentioned before that I felt like the D was hanging over me, a lot of that was because I just didn't know what W was going to go for in the D. In the end she was fair about it, so that was a relief.
Originally Posted By: Maritimer
You are so strong to be taking this so well. You really have a good grasp of what DB'ing is all about and I guess it prepared you for the worst. Glad to hear you find it a relief.
Maybe this is what she needs to help herself get out of the fog and realize she left a spouse only a fool would. As you say to others, you never know she might come back down the road.
Your a class act and an inspiration to others, especially your children. Keep up the great work!
Thanks M! You know, I have trouble taking my own advice on this. You are quite right that I do often tell people that D isn't always the end of things and there's no telling what the future holds. But for some reason I can't accept that in my own sitch, it just seems so utterly impossible that W will ever change. But if there's one thing these forums demonstrate, it's that WAS's do indeed change. Unfortunately it's on an unpredictable timeline that can stretch out for years. But hey, it's already been almost 2 years, what's another year or two? I'm not necessarily standing anymore, but I'm not in a hurry to run out and get married again either, so who knows.
Originally Posted By: Hadlee58
Hi AS it sounds like you are dealing with this with class and dignity exactly what I would have expected of you. Hopefully you will be around 'newcomers' for a while yet I know from my personal experiences that a reply from you is something I look for first (always seems to give me clarity and focus) and I also take so much from your comments to others, they all matter to us still in dark places, hopefully you know how much that helps and matters, really matters!!! You should be a poster boy for the DB forums I am imagining Russell Crowe in gladiators!! That feels so wrong writing that haha!!
Cheers H
Hey H, thanks, I love the Crowe reference, LOL! I've seen that movie many times and really like it I will definitely keep posting to others here in Newcomers, I just meant that I'll move my story to the other forum since my sitch is entering a different phase.
Groov, thanks for checking in! Well I thought the D would be done by now, I think I mentioned previously that we met, went through the Decree and marked it up together and agreed we would both sign when it was revised. That was about two weeks ago and I was supposed to get the revised paperwork early this week to sign.
Two days ago W sent an email and decided she wanted to add 35k "credit card debt" to it that she thinks I owe her. I called her and asked what she was referring to. It's a long story, but she had accrued over 80k in credit card debt without my knowledge. She received an inheritance and paid the debt off with most of it, then gave me the remainder to hold to pay the income taxes. She did this because she was afraid that if she kept it she would spend it and there would be nothing to pay the taxes with. That amount was around 70k, so now she thinks I owe half of it to her. I sent her an itemized list of what the 70k was spent on- taxes, tuition for D19, a car for D16, etc. The purchases were all things we had agreed to go 50-50 on (except the taxes which were 100% on her due to the inheritance), so after deducting her share of everything I owe her 8k plus she is due another 10k out of an UGMA fund (another long story regarding how we agreed to split college costs). I sent her detailed calc's on all of this, but she refuses to even discuss it. I tried calling her twice yesterday to review it with her, then she sent a text that basically said "we can't agree so we need to let the professionals deal with it". IE, she thinks we need to let the lawyers fight it out. I texted back and told her that all I am asking is that if she doesn't agree with my calc's, then explain to me why. I told her I'm willing to discuss it. She replied back that she wanted to talk to her L first.
So that's where things are, STUCK AGAIN! UGH! You know, I have a friend that kept telling me "don't believe it's done until you have the signed papers in your hand" but I kept telling her "oh no, we're really getting along great and are having no problems with the D!" Well she was right!
Other than that speed bump everything is good
Sorry to hear you're heading towards D too I think in my case it's the best thing for both W and me, hopefully it'll work out that way for you too.
Hey all, another quick update- I ended up telling W I would agree to giving her more $$, I told her that I don't think it's "fair" but that when she says that she thinks it is I believe she's telling the truth, so I'd agree to it even though I have no idea how she came up with the numbers (her descriptions were a garbled mess of confusion). She sent the revisions to her L to have the paperwork revised. Was supposed to get it last Friday but W texted that she didn't get it from her L, so we're waiting on papers again.
Not much else to report between W and me. We hardly ever see each other except when exchanging kids. We chat a bit when we do and we get along fine, but it's very much a "friendly neighbor" kind of interaction. I get the impression she's trying to avoid me as much as possible, hard to explain but she contacts D17 about S11 when she should be contacting me instead, and there are other things like she showed up late to S11's bball awards and sat by herself even though she knew I was already there. It doesn't affect my PMA at all, I just think it's peculiar behavior.
The kids are on spring break this week. D19 came in Friday and we caught up on recorded shows (Face Off, yay!) and then went to see a movie Saturday, then went out to dinner Saturday night and watched another movie at home. S11 did not want to go to W's last night, said he wanted to stay at my house all week. I understand why, all his friends are in my neighborhood and W isn't taking any time off work this week so he would be stuck over there bored to death. I called W and told her what he had said, and suggested to her that he could come to my house during the day to hang out with his friends and then she could pick him up on her way home from work. She thought about it and decided that that would work. I asked her if it was OK if I had them Thursday night and Friday so I could take them to do something and she said it was fine, so I made reservations to take them indoor skydiving Thursday night. I've never been, but it sounds like fun I'm going to take Friday off and go see a movie with them and whatever else we decide to do.
I FINALLY repainted my master bedroom!! NO MORE PURPLE! If you don't remember the story, my W started painting it purple while I was at work one day, and I never have liked the THREE different colors of purple she used. So now it's a nice neutral gray with the tray ceiling and accent wall in a darker shade of gray. Also replaced the miniblinds with wide slat blinds and ordered a really cool ceiling fan.
I am sorry about all this. My W is wanting her D done too... I have not lifted a finger. I could very well be D'd in 3 months. Still hoping for a miracle.
I really respect you and the advice and thought put into your posts to us here. It doesn't seem fair. I feel you have such a good grasp on things. Anyway. Wish I could help here but, I am mostly asking for help.
Groov
Me:35 W:33 D:6 S:4 M:13 years BD:W Moves Out with D6 S4 7/25/13 EA: Confirmed 12/12/13 Divorced: 11/7/2014
I will definitely keep posting to others here in Newcomers, I just meant that I'll move my story to the other forum since my sitch is entering a different phase.
I think in my case it's the best thing for both W and me, hopefully it'll work out that way for you too.