So you're dating......good for you!

[CallaghanClown]

Yuck. That [censored]. I don't get it either but only a sick person would do something like that.....

[CallaghanClown]

Struggling today and trying to be the better person. It's H's OW's birthday and my imagination is running wild. So I've decided to (in my head) offer her a happy birthday and wish her health and happiness in the future. She's as ill as H, so doesn't deserve my anger or resentment.

So happy birthday C. I hope you have an amazing day and get all the health and happiness you are looking for.

[job]

CC,
I'm very sorry about what happened in front of your children. Sometimes I think the crisis person is just so desperate to do anything to make a point that they don't care about how it looks or feels to others. By the time they are in crisis, their empathy chip is broken into bits, but I can assure you that if you had asked him how he would have felt had you done the exact same thing he had done, his comment would have been that he wouldn't have liked it.

Maybe in his mind he had to do the "drama king" departure to prove to you and also to himself that he was packing up and going. We will never truly know what runs through their minds, but my guess it's not pretty. It's all jumbled up and the wires are misfiring.

Please try to calm your imagination down. I seriously doubt that they will be doing anything super special today for the ow's birthday. It's nice of you to wish her cyber well wishes on her special day.

Please take care of yourself and your children. Your h is on his own journey and no one knows where it will take him nor how long it will take...but in the meantime, be yourself, pamper yourself and live your life to the fullest.

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks job. I know there is no point in wallowing on the 'don't knows'. I'll never really know what's going on.

I had a chat with him today about upsetting the kids. I explained very clearly and calmly that he would not be coming into our home and upsetting our kids ever again. This is their safe zone and it will stay that way. I told him I'll protect them because me and the kids come first. I will forever care for him and help him, but me and the kids come first. I told him that he could no longer hurt me except by hurting my kids and that won't happen again.

I didn't want to do this but I told him he HAD TO get help. Told him I would no longer continue this way. Told him that the kids deserved their dad back. He said he'd organise help this week. I talked a little about how much it's helped me and told him that it can be uncomfortable at first but that it's worth it. By then he was crying and I asked if he was comfortable with the life he has now and he replied "no I hate it". So at least therapy should help him live life better......

I was tempted to offer to take him to an Al Anon meeting but decided against it.

When I returned this evening he was ironing the kids clothes and had cleaned the kitchen.......

I'm finding it really hard not admitting to him I know about OW but I have to remember that it's he needs to out himself.

[job]

CC,
I'm glad you had a chat w/him. He now knows how you feel and that you will do everything humanly possible to protect your children and yourself.

Your chat was very honest and that's all anyone could ever ask for. Do not feel that you said anything wrong. You spoke from your heart and w/o anger. Now, the ball is in his court. I pray that he listened to what you said and will see some professional help.

Please take care of yourself.

[CallaghanClown]

Well I'm the demon again today. Kids don't want to talk to him so it's my fault. H was so sh*tty on the phone will me. I'm not sure what more I can do than tell him the truth "I'm really sorry but they don't want to talk tonight".

I thought maybe we should go back to therapy to discuss all the issues that are coming up at the moment........ What does everyone else think?? I don't want it to come across as pursuing but I think it may really help. We've been very amicable thus far, I can see it slipping now though.

[job]

CC,
I'm sorry it's playing out this way. Of course, it's your fault. You are suppose to tie them up put the phone to their ear to speak to him. He doesn't get it...

You could suggest therapy and see where it goes. Hopefully he'll listen if you suggest that it might bridge the gap between him and the children.

[CallaghanClown]

I've resorted to emailing him now because he doesn't want to speak to me, I've listed all the money he owes me. Well not all of it but at least the money for the kids. Time to start protecting myself.

Kids are still so angry with H. I've told them it's perfectly normal to be angry but that they can't use that anger wrongly. They can't be horrible to eachother or others. They can cry, have hugs, talk etc. but shouting screaming and being mean is not acceptable behaviour. I've had to strengthen boundaries....but we're getting here.

I'm not sure what to say to H about all this.

On a better note I've got a great day ahead. I'm GAL today with friends. Just need to think about my future career.

[CallaghanClown]

Well he's here now and talking to me as if nothing has happened. Why is it so hard when they act normal?? I know where I stand when he's being crazy.

Guess I better just leave him to his path.

[job]

CC,
It's difficult for you to deal w/him when he's acting out and then comes around and is acting normal. Their emotions swing to and fro and you never know who you will get at any given time. The thing to do is accept him for who he is right now and leave him to his own path. An hour from now, he could be on that emotional coaster once again.