One other quick question - it concerns WAPs best friend...he has always been a very close friend of mine too. I need some advice (not that I can necessarily change anything at this stage). When I found out about OW it was on the heels of a conversation that I had with WAPs bf who was CONVINCED that WAP was not having an affair/there was no OW. Convinced not only because he believed this of him generally but also because he had asked WAP straight out whether there was anyone else (Jan 10~) and WAP emphatically denied it. In fact WAP lied to his bf and said that the weekend he was actually with OW he was helping his son install a kitchen 4 hours away in our home town. So WAPs bf was at pains to convince me that WAPs stories were believable. I am not usually like this (and i may regret it I think) but when I found out about OW I text WAPs bf and told him what I knew. I was so cross that he had lied to BOTH OF US.. I would usually not involve friends in this way....but the deceit just made me so cross. I haven't heard from WAPs bf AT ALL (I did say in my text that I did not expect to necessarily get a response)... I now feel silly - My only blip re outward anger/upset so far - but I feel like I have let myself down x
I would let the issue of the text message to your SO's friend go. You did it when you were disappointed and angry. There's not way to take it back...so let it go. If this friend finally contacts you, keep your discussion about your SO to nil. Right now, the friend may not know how to deal w/you and the info.
Relatives are thicker than blood w/the MLCer and you will find that friends tend "choose" sides sometimes and he may have opted to sit on the sidelines a bit and wants to stay out of it.
What do you do? Leave it alone and don't contact this friend...if he is a true friend he'll contact you sometime, but again, it's alot of info for him to digest right now and he doesn't want to get in the middle of the situation. It's very normal.
BTW, please stop beating yourself up over this stuff. You are human being and until you get handle on your situation, you'll have one step forward, two steps back. It's normal!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You are awfully hard on yourself. Have you always been this way??
You were hurt, betrayed, shocked, etc... I think I sat in the garage and bawled my eyes out the day I found out. Not exactly something I would have done otherwise!
My point being...don't beat yourself up. You are already down and I don't see anything you did as unforgivable.
My H hasn't spoken to his former best friend in months and months. He withdrew from him, just as he did from me.
I think there could be a million and one reasons why the bf hasn't contacted you. Maybe HE feels embarrassed at how he tried so hard to convince YOU!! Who knows. YOu didn't do anything wrong. Let it go. Men are different about such things and maybe he feels it would be wrong of him to "take sides" at this point.
It wasn't until much later in the situation that my H's former bf felt comfortable reaching out to me. It was like he needed to see for himself that H really had gone off his rocker. A lot of evidence had to stack up before he was convinced. Who knows!
Let it be and take care of yourself.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
It's time to start a new thread. Think of a name that is inspiring and hopeful. Generally, when you get to 10 pages/100 posts, it's time to start over. :-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Thanks for your invaluable support guys - I cant tell you how much this means... Firstly - how do I start a new thread - just copy and paste this thread's browser address and think of a new name???? Lois - I am not usually THIS hard on myself - I must say. I think this is in reaction to my shock and the level of betrayal. I am trying to work through this betrayal - this is on the heels of betrayal by my ex-H when I was married. This was 5-6 years ago - a long time ago and I have sorted through most of the immediate grief about it BUT it has shaped the way that I view infidelity and what my boundaries are moving forward. I came to this conclusion pretty fast after my ex-H left to be with his secretary. So - I explained to WAP just what this issue meant to em and the reasons why - when we first met. He was clear form the very beginning where I stood with this... I always said to him that IF he was feeling as if he was going to cheat that he end it with me first - I couldn't take the deceit and betrayal. I am not sure whether this actually happened or not but he certainly ended things.....and OW has appeared... I guess what I am saying is that my pain , whilst not unique is doubly felt because of our discussions about this very issue - and his emphatic promise to never put me through it... mmmm x
No, you would not go to this thread to begin a new one. You will need to go to the first page of the MLC Forum. At the top you will see two tabs: New Topic or or Forum Options. Click on New Topic and the you post your new Topic/Subject Title and begin posting your responses.
If you want to link your old thread, then go to the old thread and copy and past the thread's browser address into the new one as a posting.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I guess what I am saying is that my pain , whilst not unique is doubly felt because of our discussions about this very issue - and his emphatic promise to never put me through it...
My H and I were friends since we were kids. He was my best friend when my dad left my mom for his secretary. This was a line I never, ever, ever thought my H would cross because he saw the pain and consequences it caused me. I never thought he would consider doing something so similar to me or our children. But, he did. And, I'm not sure he sees it as the same as what my dad did. God help him when/if it ever sinks in--the pain he caused us.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
So - I explained to WAP just what this issue meant to em and the reasons why - when we first met. He was clear form the very beginning where I stood with this... I always said to him that IF he was feeling as if he was going to cheat that he end it with me first
So.....you thought that just saying this to him, would negate the fact that he already had a HISTORY of cheating in his marriage? And was still "friends" with the woman he cheated with?
Actions speak louder than words. You SAID you didn't want to be cheated on again - but chose a man who was high risk to do just that. Why do you think that was?
