There is no need to apologize for how you feel. It's normal to have good and bad days. It's all part of the grieving process. You are grieving the loss of friendship and companionship. Feel the pain and then release it.
This is your time to venture out into the world and either meet up w/your old friends or even make new ones. Nothing says you have to sit there and tell them every detail. In fact, it's better not to say much to them at all about the situation. If you have one really good friend that you can lean on, this person would be the one that I would have those talks with.
Pamper yourself a bit, even if it is only doing your hair or a bubble bath...but you need to be kind to yourself and understand that you won't get over this today or tomorrow because it takes a while to do so.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you - both of you for your responses.... I guess whether it is (or isn't) MLC I have to grieve the relationship that I THOUGHT it was - Regardless of whether WAP decides to ever look my way again (or whether I would take him back) I have to grieve? Right? I guess I just wasn't prepared to go through this level of grief.. I have a few vey good friends who I have spoken to and they understand. Not so much about MLC but friends who have known me and D for a long time and who love us. So I can lean on them to some degree. I am also aware of not overstepping my welcome... And in the end my relationship with WAP was mine - so I am the only one who can truly face the feelings. Maybe I am in denial but I keep coming back to MLC - not ignoring his past - but just in relation to the way he has handled the whole thing in the last 6 weeks. I do need to be kind to myself - I feel so fragile Thanks everyone x
For me, I discovered some of the pain was more about past hurts, things I had never really face and/or buried. When I peeled those layers and really looked at those past hurts, I was able to put the situation with my H in a new perspective. I found clarity and realized how his actions really had nothing to do with me. There's freedom and treasure buried on those sad feelings so honor them and yourself for facing the hard stuff.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Thanks Lois - I want to try and address things - I really do. I am trying to register that WAPs actions are his and his alone - despite the projection and blame he is levelling at me - I know that this is his crisis - MLC or something far deeper. I also know rationally that OW is a bandaid. But it is SO PAINFUL. Its just that in my sad moments - in the moments when the pain is great - I blame myself. Could I have done more? Could I have been more loving. Maybe although I do believe I tried my best..... I think I am also finding no contact hard and, because of the way that all of this has transpired - there seems no real closure - at least on my side. I think I would have felt more closure if I had spoken to him at some point. At this point of time I miss him - or at least the person who I thought was my partner. Now he seems like an alien who has deleted us... x
Believe me, I understand, we all get the pain...the OW/OM ignites a pain that I thought would, literally, kill me. I learned the true meaning of heartbreak. I, literally, felt my heart was breaking into pieces.
What would you have done?
Answer that. What would you have done to prevent this??
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
You are not responsible for the MLCer's choices, actions, reactions, and behaviors. It is all on the MLCer. It isn't within your power to "prevent" this at all. All you can do is to set them free to work through their chit. Put the focus squarely on YOU and how you'd like to create your own life separate from the MLCer. And make so darn interesting that you'll have great stories to tell during cocktail parties!
Read Job's "Why they run" and look up on attachment disorders in children. It really helps to understand how the damage happened long before you came along.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Yes I have read why they run - it was one of the first threads I read and it was really really helpful - that was a few weeks ago so I think I will re-read it for further clarification..... Lois - I can only imagine the heartbreak - I know we all understand that part of it- I wasn't trying to sound as if I was unique in all of this - far from it!!!! I guess I am going through a raw/rough patch. Is we all know some days are better than other s- some moments of the day are better than others. So _ i have been thinking about what more I could have done - you are right. Nothing. I am human , like we all are BUT I do realise that this is far beyond anything I could have wanted, caused etc etc..... I was thinking today about our life before I met WAP. I was single, strong, had worked on my self - was happy in our life.....I want to find that again. I will re-read the post now Lois - thanks for reminding me... I x
I'm working and watching the boards so I may have come off short. Sorry. No, I was just trying to say that it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. It's really "bring you to your knees" stuff.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
