The thing is, she has told me some stuff that is wrong with her and she does acknowledge it, sometimes. Then she reverts back to she's happy and full of self esteem and strength. It really does seem like a mild mix of anxiety, depression, bpd and bipolar. She even told me a past counselor said she might be suffering from manic depression(bipolar). But that was a long time ago and from a counselor not a psychologist.
You kind of proved my point because you're placing all of these labels on her, or one big multi-level label. She could be this, she could be that, she could be a mix of this and that, counselor said she might be this (but it's a counselor). Might be this and could be that is not actually knowing what it is. I should have added before that until she figures it out, is willing and ready to share, and is willing to do something about it, you shouldn't focus on it. Not that I'm saying you are focusing on it.
Me:28 H:30 D:3 M:6.5 T:7.5 BD: 10-27-13 H moved out: 11-01-13 Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
That's me trying to act like house. She is such a puzzle.
I know what I have to do(PMA, gal, work on my issues), but I have these moments where I think about how damaged she is. And I see glimpses of her realising it. I know that's for her to figure out and I never tell her what I think about her problems. I just listen to her vent and validate.
The problem I'm having is, I've spent the last 2 years working on my problems. I'm kinda running out of things to work on. Although I know it's a life long process, I found it easier/more fulfilling when I knew I had some really big issues. It was like I was in university again and studying everyday. I know im not the same person i was 2 years ago. I guess it feels like im taking the same courses again. I should ace the exams this time:)
I've been happily single and even dated before. I've reconciled and been really happy. And now I'm hurt again trying to pick myself back up. I think I'm feeling a lot of regret or guilt that I failed again. I know in time this will pass...
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
"....is willing and ready to share, and is willing to do something about it,"
I think this is the part that makes me feel guilt and regret. She was willing and doing something about it. I just didnt know how to piece properly. I know where I screwed up during the piecing process.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
After she got off work she texted that she'd be home after she helps her friend look for an apartment. She'd let me know when she's on her way. Well she just ended up at my place unannounced. Weird but typical I suppose. We chit chatted and had a laugh that I left the stove on. She said that was her move. She talked about her giving birth to our son and how amazing it was for her that she did it naturally and it was really smooth. Her friend gave birth recently but she took drugs to numb the pain. I guess thats what brought up that conversation. Regardkess I like when she talks about our good memories.
We both needed stuff from Walmart so we went. After picking up a few items she asked what I was doing tonight. I told her I had a few plans. I'm not quite sure if she asked me over for dinner but that was the vibe I got. She asked what I was going to eat. I just bought some chicken breast and asked if she wanted some. She said sure so I guess I was coming over for dinner. On our way to her place she wanted a snack so we got some fries. While she was driving i offered her some fries but she took it like i was feeding her. Like we used to always do. It felt oddly comfortable and strange at the same time. We end up making dinner and all seems fine. I don't ask her anything about mr special and I'm generally just being pleasant. I spent the majority of the time just listening to her. I did mention about a new job and my cousin. She asked how am I'm "really" doing. I just said that I'm good. Although I did cry a bit at work today. I'm usually strong then I have moments of weakness where sadness just consumes me. It s*cks.
So I guess things aren't too terrible considering she was so cold to me a couple of weeks ago. She went from wanting no family nights to having dinner with me twice this week. Obviously our son is with us this whole time.
I have to block out tomorrow night because I'm sure she's hanging out with captain cool.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
K, this is just a commentary or narration of what my day was like. No getting hopes up, no mind reading, but it was a weird case of déjà vu.
My morning/afternoon was great. Took my son to an indoor play structure and we had a blast. He had so much fun running around and sweating up a storm. My ex called while I was out with him. I 180'd and didn't even invite her out. She asked what I was doing for Super Bowl. I told her I had no plans but couldn't watch at my place because I cancelled my dish. She invited us over. I show up around 6 because my son has late naps and I had to pick up a few things she forgot to get. We make some nachos and pita pizzas. I 180'd every time she tried to push my buttons. There were no arguments. In fact I can't really remember the last time we fought. I must've dodged like 5 attempts at her trying to start something. Whether intentional or not on her part, the old me would've walked right into an argument with her.
We talked about a bunch of random things. It was nice being able to just talk. She mentioned she doesnt really like her family right now. She does that from time to time. She feels judged by them and rightfully so i might add. She asked what I did this weekend. I told her I played wingman again(even though I didn't, I was planning on going out with my buddy but that fell through). She asked if I was interested in the other girl. I don't think I really answered that question. I just told her she was tall and had lots of tattoos(my ex has a lot of tattoos as well). I also told her I went out with another girl(a good friend from highschool who she thinks I had sex with). But again that plan fell through and I just stayed home. She then told me she went late night ice skating. I'm assuming it was with captain cool but I pretty much kept my mouth shut. I don't ask anything about what she's doing but she sorta weasles info out of me(am I sorta being mysterious to her now?). She also told me she went to bed at midnight last night. Which totally surprised me because she is a night owl and she was out with cool dude. I simply said that it was nice that she got a good night sleep. She also told me she picked up hair dye. Which is par for the course for her changing her mind all the time. I told her a few days ago that I could help if she were to dye it. She said she would get a hair stylist to do it in a few months time. Anyway, I ended up dying her hair(I did that for her the last time we broke up).
I've noticed she sings in my truck all the time again. Singing "our" songs, which are basically my favorite bands that she likes to sing along to. She's mentioned before that she only feels comfortable singing in front of me. A lot of the things that happened during our last break up are happening again. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but it does make it hard for me not to read into things. Even though it's hard I will continue with the no expectations, fake it til I make it, PMA, gal, lifting weights, having super fun with my son(he likes to play my guitar now, so cute) etc.
She even wants to come by tomorrow after she's done work. I hope she does for my son's sake. Who knows, maybe we'll play some rockband. Our son loves watching us play, he even sings into the mic and strums my guitar for me. No expectations, in fact I'll expect that she bails.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
You say that things are playing out like your last break up. You guys got back together. I don't want to get your hopes high either, but maybe this is a good thing in that she might come back, so parts of history might get repeated here. If it does, at least you know where you messed up last time that caused the reconciliation to not hold, the piecing process (from your previous post). So don't let that part of history repeat itself.
But I think you need to distance yourself more from your W. It seems like she has too much access to you and you're doing too many favors for her, IMHO. You don't want it to turn into a cake eating situation. I think you need to set boundaries or firmer boundaries. Again, I'm no expert, it really is just an opinion.
Me:28 H:30 D:3 M:6.5 T:7.5 BD: 10-27-13 H moved out: 11-01-13 Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
She asked what I did this weekend. I told her I played wingman again(even though I didn't, I was planning on going out with my buddy but that fell through). She asked if I was interested in the other girl. I don't think I really answered that question. I just told her she was tall and had lots of tattoos(my ex has a lot of tattoos as well). I also told her I went out with another girl(a good friend from highschool who she thinks I had sex with). But again that plan fell through and I just stayed home.
So all the above were lies? Don't do that! It's OK to get out and GAL and be mysterious about it, but don't build a web of lies. It's like Judge Judy says "if you always tell the truth then you never have to work hard to remember what you said." The more lies you stack up the more trouble you'll have remembering what fake woman you went out with on which fake date. But guess what, WAS's have staggeringly accurate memories about such things. She'll remember, and when you slip up and get your lies mixed up think about what message that conveys to her. She'll think SAME OLD LYING, CONTROLLING, MANIPULATIVE JERK HE ALWAYS WAS. Please note I'm not saying this as a moral judgment on the lying, I'm just saying that the WAS is looking for ANY and EVERY excuse to hate the LBS and if they catch them in lies then they'll make a huge deal out of it.
She asked what I did this weekend. I told her I played wingman again(even though I didn't, I was planning on going out with my buddy but that fell through). She asked if I was interested in the other girl. I don't think I really answered that question. I just told her she was tall and had lots of tattoos(my ex has a lot of tattoos as well). I also told her I went out with another girl(a good friend from highschool who she thinks I had sex with). But again that plan fell through and I just stayed home.
So all the above were lies? Don't do that! It's OK to get out and GAL and be mysterious about it, but don't build a web of lies. It's like Judge Judy says "if you always tell the truth then you never have to work hard to remember what you said." The more lies you stack up the more trouble you'll have remembering what fake woman you went out with on which fake date. But guess what, WAS's have staggeringly accurate memories about such things. She'll remember, and when you slip up and get your lies mixed up think about what message that conveys to her. She'll think SAME OLD LYING, CONTROLLING, MANIPULATIVE JERK HE ALWAYS WAS. Please note I'm not saying this as a moral judgment on the lying, I'm just saying that the WAS is looking for ANY and EVERY excuse to hate the LBS and if they catch them in lies then they'll make a huge deal out of it.
I was wondering if someone was gonna bust me on that. Funny thing is, I don't usually lie. I think those are the two times that Ive lied to her in maybe forever. I guess lying cant be a 180 huh? My honesty is what she likes about me, but it's my honesty that she hates as well. You're right As, lying is horrible and I won't do it again. I think I was trying something different;)
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
You say that things are playing out like your last break up. You guys got back together. I don't want to get your hopes high either, but maybe this is a good thing in that she might come back, so parts of history might get repeated here. If it does, at least you know where you messed up last time that caused the reconciliation to not hold, the piecing process (from your previous post). So don't let that part of history repeat itself.
But I think you need to distance yourself more from your W. It seems like she has too much access to you and you're doing too many favors for her, IMHO. You don't want it to turn into a cake eating situation. I think you need to set boundaries or firmer boundaries. Again, I'm no expert, it really is just an opinion.
I think if she starts sending me songs of her singing and telling me her new guy isn't what I think it is, that will be super déjà vu.
I tried distancing myself. In fact I listened to her about not wanting family time. I don't ask but if she wants to see our son I have to. Maybe I can pretend to be busy but I think that might fall into the lying category. I think for me to be distant it's giving her a few days with no contact which I've done. I don't think it's realistic for me to go any longer. Also, the cake eating thing was part of the last break up. Haha. I guess it's not funny. You guys are right though. She needs her space from me and I think I've given her more during this break up. I know every situation is different so I have to take into account how bizarre my ex really is compared to the normal person. I mean that in a good way about her. She really does march to a different beat.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
