I'm back for a while

[mishka422]

Good update!

Why did your daughter pick UCLA? I went to UCLA. Great school! I am from SoCal though so it made sense. I always wonder why people from out of state pick a particular school. Is this based on her intended major?

[ClingingToHope]

D14 wants to go into theater/movie production and has her heart set on UCLA -- right now. We looked up a bunch of top 10 lists -- top ten for singing, theater, acting, movie production and UCLA is on all those lists.

That's more than three years from now so we'll see.

Typing an update from the Wisconsin Dells. Had to move our annual Christmas trip to this weekend because of a bunch of conflicts.

I think next year -- Kalihari -- will be our last Christmas Dells trip. It will be our seventh year and D14 and D11 are about water parked out. Each spent maybe two hours in the water last night. Today, D14 isn't going at all and D11 isn't going either.

The only ones going back are the professor and her 11-year-old.

The Kalihari has a movie theater, indoor adventure park, driving track. It'll be a good way to wrap this tradition up.

Three weeks of basketball left and a final $500 for this season. Then a five week break until umpiring starts.

Even though I've spent a bunch this weekend, things are actually going really well on the money front. I have a schedule and a system and if nothing ever improves for me I can exist on this schedule.

Work is going well. I'm off the hit list with boss. I'm still bored as h*ll, but I'm working on some side stuff that keeps me interested. Life just rolls along.

D14 is done with the boyfriend and focusing on theater. She got the part Hedy Larue in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. It's one of the leads and she's just a freshman and beat out juniors and seniors. So she's satisfied with that.

The issue now is social media/drama of high school. She was up until 1:30 a.m. last night at the resort. I thought she and her friend were working on a school dance. No. They were in a facebook argument.

That stuff makes high school even harder.

D11 has two friends with her at the resort. She had a tough December, but she's having a good January. She's still getting along well with this new friend who comes from tough circumstances.

Things with professor are going well. I like this part of the year because I have so much going on with basketball I get a lot of time to myself.

Speaking of basketball. I'm playing more and by playing more I'm playing better and when I play better I'm happier.

Here's a weird realization. When I am comfortable with money -- have some in bank and am saving -- and I'm playing basketball I'm good. That overcomes everything else. When I'm anxious about money and I'm not playing then the tension mounts. Then all the rest of it bothers me. It's like the high from running around and playing well flushes the toxins away.

Very, very, very little interaction with XW and that's good. The baby is coming some time in April or May and I'm curious how things change with the girls. One thing is she'll be off much of May, June and July. I used to be able to take the girls whenever in the summer. I'm not sure how that'll be different this summer.

But that's down the road and that'll take care of itself.

[Valeska19]

As someone who is in the film business... it's so funny to me that UCLA is still considered one the top film schools. Don't get me wrong - it's a great school... but it's not like the folks who come out of there are any stronger than other college students from film school students.

I went to Columbia College Chicago - so I have a special spot in my heart for Chicago. If your daughter wants to act, I would suggest checking that out - or even Depaul. Maybe NYU. Chicago and NY are both stronger for the theater/acting side than any of the schools here in LA.

[mishka422]

I knew a lot of 'film' students at UCLA but they were all on the more technical side, not actors. I think UCLA gets put on the top of the lists mostly because of it's location. Proximity to Hollywood doesn't make it a great film school. Now, if she wanted to major in biology or history then UCLA is an AWESOME school.

[ClingingToHope]

I would love love love for D14 to pick Columbia College Chicago. A lot can change in three years -- and honestly the cost of sending her to UCLA would be prohibitive since we're in the Midwest.

[ClingingToHope]

Wrapping up the basketball season this week. We've had so many snow reschedules it's created a marathon of games at the end. I won't complain though. I'd work EVERY game if I could.

I am looking forward to having my week nights free in March, April and May. The year has a bit of a rhythym to it now. In April and May I make my extra money umpiring on weekends. In June and July the weekend tournaments stop and I work on week nights and have my weekends free.

Then August, September and October are pretty dead -- unless I decide to do UPS again and start in October.

Then basketball season again.

Anyway, D14 as a freshman has the No. 3 role in the junior/senior play. She's spending lots of time at the senior campus and getting to know several upperclassmen.

This morning after rehearsal she said things "are just starting to pop."

She really is doing well. She even had her second boyfriend. It lasted a week. He was a junior. They agreed it wasn't working and that was that. She wasn't broken up at all.

She's also filling out her first job application.

D11 is building a strong friendship with this new girl who comes from troubled circumstances. I can't put my finger on why but I need to watch this friendship closely. I'm not totally comfortable with her yet.

The professor came with D14, D11 and I for a family dinner with friends. The dinner went very well. The professor didn't say much even though she knew most at the table. One is even one of her students. I've had so much basketball that I'm not seeing her much. But at the end of the month her daughter goes away for two weeks at the same time my schedule clears up so there will be a lot more time.

For Valentine's Day she wanted to do this couples massage class and I said yes and then she got really apprehensive. It sounded better in theory. It turned out to be three couples and we were the youngest ones. I actually learned a little bit. The "teacher" just made some bizarre comments that made the professor uncomfortable.

Hey, I played along and put my time in.

Have had a good extended stretch of not having to see XW. I'll have to see her for D11's IEP meeting next week. She's due sometime in April/May and it's still playing on my mind.

Part of me remains jealous. I love kids and I miss having small ones.

Part of me is angry because this just adds another family variable. I'll have to -- and my daughters -- will have to put up with this other family forever.

Part of me is happy because for the past eight years I got blamed for all of her unhappiness. Well now she'll have an infant and a new husband and it won't be easy anymore. Being a boyfriend/girlfriend is easy. Being a husband and father takes work. And I worked at it.

Work ... I'm still here and now I'm reporting to someone who was my intern back in 2005. I like it though. I respect her opinions and she understands my various conflicts.

Really, time is marching on and I'm marching on as well. If anything, I'm getting too settled. I somewhat miss the times in 2009 and 2010 where I was pushing myself to get back out there. I need to get out a bit more the next few months.

That about does it for now.

[ClingingToHope]

Long, stressful week done.

D15's play was this week, which meant potentially more interaction with XW and possibly a biker guy and all the Clampetts siting.

Plus, two weeks ago I hit a huge pothole and popped a tire and then found out I needed another tire. So that was $220 gone -- and March is typically a low money month.

So I was feeling stress. Lots of it. I could just feel it in my chest and see it on my face. I started to break out again.

And when I'm stressed I'm just not as patient a parent or person.

Last Friday, the 28th, D15 comes home from rehearsal in a p*ssy mood. I'd gotten some texts from XW about how D15 was snapping at everyone at the play and generally acting like a diva.

So I wanted to know what was going on and ... massive teenager struggle ensues. At one point I snapped that I was just going to drop her at her mom's. She called my bluff. I know not to try that card again. I'll never just give up and give her to her mom. Instead, I just stayed and stayed. And she was saying mean, nasty, hurful things to get me to go. It took a couple of hours but finally it all came out ... and it was boy issues mixed in with some self doubt because she's a freshman performing with all these juniors and seniors.

At least we got that out of the way.

D15's first play was Thursday night -- my night. I had to take her to get her hair done. But D11 had a bad day at school. She was caught drawing violent images after a boy had upset her. D11 has had entirely way too much alone time the past three years. I've had to leave her home for chunks at a time and with D15 in rehearsal all the time, her mother routinely leaves her at home for three hours a day after school. I hate that. But I can only leave work early a couple of times a week.

So she isn't getting monitored nearly as much as D15 was at that age -- it's the fallout from divorce.

Still, overall she's doing better at school work, making friends, etc. It's just that she's gotten into these RPG Horror Games on the web and it's something that has to be watched.

So XW sends me a long text about how she's going to restrict this, restrict that and I need to support her.

Sigh.

When I picked up D11 I asked her how her day went and gradually I got out of her the problem with the picture. I told her that we were concerned and there was going to be more restrictions ... and a 3 1/2 hour off and on meltdown occurred.

It was a miracle I was able to get D15 to her hair appointment and then to the play. When the meltdown got really bad, it got really really bad. D11 said she hates her mother -- not just because she won't accept her but because she's having a baby with another man.

I told her I agreed on the computer restrictions and eventually she hated me too. And she tried saying all kinds of things to get me angry to react. Mean, nasty, hurtful things trying to draw a reaction. It took greeeeaaaaaatttttt effort not to lose my temper.

It was interesting to hear her say she hated the fact her mother is having another baby with another man. I know D15 isn't happy, but D11 seemed to be excited, like she was getting a puppy.

Anyway, the emotional storm broke about 15 minutes before the play and we actually made it on time. D15 did well. She had the third largest part as a freshman in the junior/senior play.

D11 bounced between me and XW, who was by herself.

I will admit I did not acknowledge XW. She's very pregnant and I don't want to be around her. Last year, if she was buy herself at kid stuff I'd at least go say hi. Not this year. I don't want the embarrassment of anyone asking when "we" are expecting.

This weekend is XW's so I took the professor to D15's play Friday night.

We were walking to the cafeteria during intermission when XW came walking out of a different door and she was right there so I said hi and we kept walking.

After the play, we went looking for D15 and she was in the hallway with XW and the X-Mother In Law. No biker guy. We stopped about 10 feet away and waited. D15 came over. I gave her a hug. Took a picture and we then left.

So that is it. I didn't go to tonight's play -- the biker guy and gang were coming. And I'm not going tomorrow.

I told D15 the reason why. The professor and I were going skiing. I hadn't done it since before meeting XW and ... I really miss skiing. I had a h*ll of a time today. The professor had skiid before. She's from Michigan. But she's not great at it. She did five runs on the bunny hill and then quit. I then got three in on the bigger hills and we took off. I'm going to go to a more challenging mountain next winter.

XW would never do something like that. It really was an excellent day. Tomorrow is basketball and work on my sister's books and a couple of writing projects.

I'm free of XW for a few weeks. The next shoe to fall is the baby being born. I'm hoping it doesn't happen on my weekend or one of my Thursdays. I can't imagine the feelings I'll have if I have to drive my daughters to the hospital so they can wait for their sister from another father be born.

That's the next biggy on this adventure.

[unbidden]

Wow, you're being amazingly strong under the circumstances, hoe you have a blast on your ski trip.

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling:

So it's youth baseball umpiring season on my revolving carousel of part-time jobs. I worked a tournament last weekend and made $280. League play was to begin tonight -- but it's snowing so no game.

Instead, I'll head to the professor's house for dinner then work on writing projects at home. If it's not one job it's another.

Professor and I have been going out now for 17 months. We had a talk a couple of weeks ago that was interesting. Ever since XW and I split I've been looking for the next person to do the "spend rest of my life" with thing. That's the goal, right?

I quickly got out of two other relationships because I couldn't see a long-term future.

I've gone back and forth on this relationship because I just don't see this being the one forever and ever. So I feel guilty, like I'm wasting her time.

She said she's not looking for happily ever after. She just wants someone for now.

Her daughter is 12. My youngest is 11. Her daughter has her sites set on Harvard and the professor plans to move to be close to her daughter when she goes off to college.

I'm not sure where D11 will end up for college, but I know I'm not going to move to be closer to someone else's daughter and away from mine.

So really there's an expiration date on this whole thing and she's fine with that. So that lessened some of my guilt.

Now that umpiring has started my money stress has lessened until August. I've booked the summer trips. Things are going well. This past weekend was an A- with the girls. D11 had a friend over who I think likes D11, but they don't have a lot in common. So after a while she gets bored with D11. She tries to stay though because she doesn't like her home and she wants me to buy her stuff. This weekend was a stay at home and veg weekend and she was upset about it. I was a little short with her.

Plus, the girl comes from a very messed up home and tells me all the things her mother, grandmother and aunt say -- and it's just not an intelligent group. I look at her and think "this kid has no chance."

After that girl left on Saturday D15 had a friend over and that went really well. D15 has hit a lull. She went to a friend's house two weeks for a sleepover. It didn't go well. A guy D15 likes ignored her and it got into her head and got into with her friend, who the guy does like. And she has a temper and with twitter things get blown up so now they are not friends.

In the long run it's probably a good thing. Her friend was a lot faster track with guys. Ah, the drama of teenage girls.

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling:

So one drama is about to come to an end. The XW is due this weekend. I'm reallllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hoping she has this baby some time in the next eight days. The girls are with her this weekend and I don't want to have to go through the crap of actually taking them to the hospital on my time so they can see a baby born from a different dad. If she doesn't have it this weekend I may just give up the next weekend because it's Mother's Day anyway. It's just one day in the grand scheme of things.

Hammer away. I don't care. It's how I feel.

I keep telling myself that nothing in this journey has been as bad as I imagined it would be and I'm sure this won't be either. I'll get used to it and really it's not going to affect me much. It just means this other family likely will be involved in the big stuff, like graduation and weddings. It just muddies things.

I've had a little peace of mind lately remembering that pretty soon the hard part starts. It's easy to be a boyfriend/girlfriend seeing someone every other week with no ties. And it's exciting to play the expectant mother/father.

Now, there'll be a baby and bills and time pressures and expectations. This is where the rubber hits the road for XW and biker guy. Good luck with that.

So yes. It's been on my mind -- and I try to remember the best revenge is a life well lived.

Good stuff. Today, D15 got her first job. I'm friends with a guy who owns several businesses and got her an "interview" at a miniputt/go kart place. They get like 200 applications a year for about 30 jobs. She was guaranteed a job, but still she was nervous and did her hair. They are going to give her enough hours to keep her occupied, but not too many to get in the way of our two family vacations and her theater stuff.

Next year, if she likes the job and decides to do it again, she'll have to let some of the theater stuff go because she's doing a two-week trip to Europe and we're spending a week in NYC.

I'm torn. I'd like her to have one more summer before working, but she wants to earn money for Europe.

D11 is doing well. School is going fine. Things between us seem to be as good as ever. I think she's playing a bit of a role for me. When she talks to others she's excited to get a new sister. When she talks to me about it she says she's upset because it isn't mine. It's going to take some adjusting. That's a toughy. I don't talk about the other house at all or ask. I treat it as if they are off to college.

D15 and I haven't talked at all about this new sister in months. I just want to sit back and let things develop. They know it stings.

Things with the professor are going well. It was her birthday this Sunday -- which coincidentally was my old anniversary. That's weird isn't it? I had her 12-year-old pick out a keep sake from her house then I had a local artist turn it into a necklace. I had my daughters pick out earrings for her. So everyone had a part.

I had my daughters for her birthday so the five of us went out for brunch.

It was awkward as usual because her 12 year old and D11 aren't exactly friends. They aren't enemies. But her 12-year-old is 12 going on 25. She wants to be an adult. She doesn't like kid things and she's a very quiet only child not used to sharing.

D11 right now wants to be a kid forever and doesn't understand the professors kid at all. Plus, with her ADHD, she's kind of had the run of both houses over the years and is outgoing, a hugger. She struggles with quiet people who don't want to share. The professor's 12-year-old intimidates her.

Still, it was probably as good a meal as the five of us have had together. We're taking a trip in July together to the professor's cottage in Michigan. I guess her 12-year-old is nervous because she took a trip with her dad and his girlfriend a couple of years ago and had to share rooms with the girlfriend's daughter. When that didn't go well the dad and girlfriend started fighting and they cut the trip short.

She's worried that could happen with our trip. I'm not fretting that much because in this case the professor and her daughter will share a room. D15 gets a room and D11 and I will share a room. So everyone has their own space. And there's going to be lots to do for three days. It's right on Lake Michigan. There's a horse farm nearby. A small river to go tubing. Deer in the woods. And we'll have two cars. If we need to split up for a while, we will.

There's no Internet and I think that will be the biggest challenge.

Other things. Nasty weather is cutting into my umpiring money. I've adjusted by putting more time in on rich man's autobiography. I actually have to finish it now that his divorce is completed. I could get an extra $3,000 to $4,000 in the next 10 months so all is good.

I interviewed a guy for it and he got divorced in 2001 and he said, even though I could see the pain when we got into some of the specifics, that he is way happier and that I'll get there. I think so too -- in time. Honestly, the professor is such a better match for me. It's not even close.

Anyway, still plugging along doing work for my sister as well. Honestly, I have a tiring schedule, but I'm making it work. If nothing gets worse I can make it. I can even thrive.

Finally broke down and got myself a DVD player. Mine had been broken for two years and I just didn't see the need to replace it. Now that I have it I dusted off my Body Pump DVDs. Time to get in really good shape again.

That about wraps it up for now.