LRT

[AnotherStander]

Do I continue to practice a LRT of no pursuit, no contact, no anything, until the ex makes an attempt to contact me.?
Or is there something to be said for any attempts at contacts or invites every now and then?

LRT doesn't really patch marriages back together, it's more to help the LBS detach. But, your earlier comment that your WAS said every time you contact her she has to patch the holes in her wall are a concern, it sounds like she's telling you that she doesn't want to hear from you. Or did I misunderstand?

[JJAC2005]

have to scratch my head on that....
Believe nothing of what they say...only 50% of what you see, Right?
But, she probably prefer I fade away....she wants me to move on

[JJAC2005]

I had made progress before by every now and then making contact....Now I am at the LRT, moving on with no contact, but still having hopes...and obviously still missing the ex and family.
The Boy has reported that she was missing me, acting down and depressed....
My feelings are that pride is getting in her way of rekindling a friendship...she would have to admit her wrongs...and by keeping her long distance relationship to every other weekend, she doesn't have any pressure to face anything, so, he is the easiest choice.
I know My job is to continue making my life better, making myself healthier, and basically becoming the kind of me she would like to have in her life again.
But the point I was wanting help with is...when you are basically no longer contacting the WAS...isn't there any advantages to dropping something in there every now and then....or is it all about making it look like you have completely walked away.
My biggest concern is that I want to have those kids know that I have never given up wanting them in my life....and mom most assuredly feels that its easier to move on when I am not around. Which is another reason I see for a limited contact....keep chipping away at that hard exterior until she opens up again.

[JJAC2005]

so...does anyone have any opinions on any attempts at periodic ocntact ?

[LITB]

I normally wouldn't recommend anyone to do a temp check, however your D was finalized awhile ago.

Maybe getting in contact with your ex, will help you move forward in one direction or the other. The worst that can happen is basically the way you are living as it is. On the other hand, maybe she will be receptive to a life with you. Only one way to find out.

Again, something I wouldn't recommend for newbies.

Best of luck.

[JJAC2005]

I thank you for the little drop in....its still one of those day to day things where I have a moment or two, of emotional pain, and I struggle to find even the slightest sliver of something that might help me start something rolling in a new direction.
But honestly, at this point, on most days, I know where I am, and where I must continue to travel......it just [censored] that I continue to work and move foreword with my own life, yet holding onto the hope that someday she will reach out and make contact, offer some sort of friendly gesture, or just plain miraculously wakes up and wants to try again.... The practice of patience is a constant battle for staying in control of my emotions, and it leaves me feeling so helpless when I see nothing changing, yet I want to stay the course, stay strong, stay true....and stay hopeful that it was all worth the wait.

I have reached out before....some of which was pretty positive.

[JJAC2005]

The last update here is....I gave it one more soft and gentle try to make an attempt to reach out to the kids and to her as well....but this time it was returned/refused, and she stated that she doesn’t want me to send the kids any type of contact, No phone calls, emails, birthday cards, ect...nothing.

Then I discovered while talking to her on the phone that she had been looking at my FB page, and was extremely angry that I had gone up north to visit a female "friend" that she really never cared for (I think she used the word despised).
Anyway, I thought it odd that on that phone call, her anger took her back to a place where she was back to being so angry about everything from the past. Letting me know just how much I had hurt her, and all the things she regretted about being married to me.
I let that sink in for several days....almost a week went by and I made another attempt to be nice, invite her to a peaceful meeting to talk a few things over....she declined, and at that point insisted that I move on with my life

Now I'm sure that I am right back to square 1....having absolutely no contact...and no chance to rebuild anything anymore

[LITB]

Sorry to hear things didn't go as you had hoped. My hope is that this brings closure to a chapter in your life and prepares you to be receptive to a new beginning.

Wishing you all the best.

[JJAC2005]

LITB - thanks for the note....I agree!

Well…for the most part, it doesn’t change the life plan, too much….
But honestly I can not lie, it really puts a damper on the “Hope” that some day she will approach me for a possible second chance.
I had a day or two there where I let her hurtful words sink into my self-conscious, and I hated it…I hated the way I was feeling….I hated fact that couldn’t fix it, ….that I couldn’t rectify anything any longer…..I couldn’t show her just how much she still meant and how much I had learned from everything that I had gone thru the past year and half.

I feel a bit more grounded now….but almost lost as to where I am, in terms of where I want to be.
I have a ton of great family and friends….I am well liked, well thought of as a person….and I have an awesome ability to help others that are in difficult situations….but I don’t seem to be able to get this woman out of my head or heart, and it tears me up every time I lay in my empty bed at night.

I know that God has a plan…and its not about giving up on life….life continues
I will take all that I learned, and continue to learn and explore my world….my life continues, and is rich for all that I have experienced, even if there is pain…..because if I would have never experienced so much joy and happiness….I wouldn’t be feeling this kind of pain in my heart.

Thank You again...

[JJAC2005]

OK...here is a tossup question??
-probably more like a mini rant -

Honestly...I feel that I have been ok for the most part (sort of the worried well)....I have been taking care of myself, incorporating healthily living and physical activities....pressing on with a new life, new goals, interests and hobbies, ect.

However...I still feel somewhat in a rut about what seems like constant thoughts about my ex, the kids, and what was once a whole family. I have talked to a lot of others that say things like "sure, its normal to think about and miss your ex, the kids, and your marriage."
But I have some thoughts come in everyday? After being divorced 1.5 years? Yes, some of them are spurred by situations or triggers, some are questions I have that may never be answered, some are regrets, and some are flat out tearful moments of mourning (IE, just yesterday I was cleaning out an area of storage and found a treasure trove of pictures of the kids from about 5 years ago….I could hear the boy sayin to me what a great day he had, and his sister had such a huge smile on her face…yep, you guessed it…I tear’d up!
Sure, I spent a lot of the past year pursuing all sorts of knowledge, I did some major work, reflecting and learning, looking inward, looking outward, sometimes even dissecting everything apart as a way of trying to understand as much as I could about why things happened as they did, and how stupid we both were about things, and that things could be different if she ever granted me/us a 2nd chance....and NOW that one is off the table, as I got a pretty clear cut answer a few weeks ago about her no longer wanting to discuss that topic.

Anyway...how normal am I ??
I'm actually starting to get a bit concerned about all these periodic moments of sentimental journeys….

The thing is…I’m basically together…socially active and engaged when I get out and join others.
But always under the surface is “those little reminders”, and its buggin me that I’m way more in thought about my ex, than she is about me….

I am being introduced to a ton of other women…..by friends and family....even if I still dont feel ready for anything, I feel have to meet people, be social.
I suppose that’s a good sign, eh….at least some people think I’m worthy of a loving relationship…LOL