Sounds good T, I'm keeping all my fingers and toes crossed for you.
Have you tried doing some nice things for her? Draw her a bath, give her a small gift or note out of the blue, do something special that you know she would appreciate? I'm thinking she may be receptive now, maybe even hoping that you will reach out to her this way.
You said she likes to be pursued.
Tell me more about these "gentle changes".
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Thank you FY, those changes are going to be some little things.
For example, I have been going back to the office during this in the evenings after ensuring kids fed, homework done/in-progress and all that, 2-5 nights a week...I always have work to do, and usually all the boys eat up all my bandwidth at home, so working remotely is next to impossible. So I want to dial back on that and not go in as much.
I want to try some casual touches occasionally. Be "around" her space more. Initiate convos with her a bit more (not R talks, I am doing as job suggested and waiting til early spring before another "temp check").
I like your idea of a few AoS for her, I am pretty sure that is a primary LL for her.
Slowly, gently, turn up the parts of old+new T2 that haven't been able to fully be shown or expressed.
Things I would do or be in any R with anyone.
Just me moving forward to being myself fully. I hope she likes it, if not, that's okay too.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
That sounds great T. Since I know you will be monitoring and adjusting as you go, I really don't think you can go wrong here. Like my W, yours does seem to be warming up.
My W appreciates and often thanks me for the things I do for her, so I continue to do them so as to show my love, and meet her needs. I figure this lessens the chance she'd look outside for this. The whole "Be the H only a fool would leave" thing.
It seems like it might be working for us. I'd say if they appreciate our AOS, we should do more. If they don't, do less, because then we look like pitiful doormats pursuing them.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
My ex-marine buddy calls me M1A1, cuz I'm like a tank, bulldoze it, run it over, or blow it up, and keep going...lol!
Very glad to hear about your son and the recent changes going on. Very good to hear.
Curious though - your ex marine buddy - what'd he do? What made him an ex-marine?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I'm curious to know if you are able to detect a pattern when W is more open and receptive. Are there certain situations that make her more amendable to responding in kind? Are there specific times during the day that she's more responsive? Be a solution detective here. And I'd be very interested in your report.
You know Wonka, there are some patterns....middle of the day is best, usually...non-hormonal flux days (per her even, lol) and so forth.
Usually though, I can "just tell"...24+ years together, I am pretty observational by nature, and there was and still is some other "connection" flowing through there too, whatever that is.
But these days I am so busy with new work projects, maintaining the house, cooking, cleaning, kids stuff, and band that I am not sitting around trying to figure too much out very often. Sometimes I barely have enough head space for all of my life, much less hers, atm.
It does help that she is more communicative about her current "states" (in fact, she makes an effort to do so). She told me the last few days that she is very hormonal, fragile, and processing stuff. And I thank her for letting me know and go about life with that info in mind, accepted, as is. And here I thought it was the full moon and that someone fed her crazy sauce...
And so it goes...that is what's up around here and this sitch.
Slooooooooooowly, yet the progress is there, if I look.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Cooked up some good food, the house smelled so good, warm, "homey" when W came home from work.
W has been checking in from work and talking to me, rather than skipping right to the kids. She did tell me that she appreciated how patient and "sweet" I was the past few days with her.
I had to ask W a question. She was in the tub. She told me to come in....it was all I could do to not peek, and only because I don't want the aggravation of desire with no outlet, lol. That, and I am a gentleman first...
I have been able to be fun in the mornings, joking, punning, sending her off to work with a smile, or at least the effort. And she thanks me for trying if I am not successful.
Interesting for me that I had a big "A" trigger. An employee left the company, and doing the standard forensic on his computer, he had been "playing" while at conventions, with married women, and while his W was pregnant. Ick, just ick. So many broken people.
And that brought the past back to mind for a little bit. I need to do a bit more work on me there I think. No anger though, just some sadness and some ptsd feelings.
I think I have a little burnout going on that is generated from all of my life at the moment, just so much happening. I read everyone's updates, but I am not in a place to comment too much, seems I need to reduce forum involvement from time to time and focus on me and my own sitch and life.
And so it goes. Life is good. And getting better.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
