Things are going very well... life is good....well for the most part, I would have to add that I am still missing my ex and the kids. However, I have been thru a huge transformation and completely changed in incredible ways. And I am continuing to evolve as I make my way to the next stages of my life....but I am doing this alone (well, w/o a significant other). I tried to date...but that went very poorly. So needless to say, I'm not even remotely interested in all the women that are being introduced and pushed my way from family and friends. I’m not hurting for offers that’s for sure…but I am just not there.
I’m in shape, and active in all sorts of ways….so, like I said, life is good (for the most part) and will continue to get better.
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
That is ALL good to hear. Sounds like you are doing everything the right way.
The thing that I feel is your obstacle, is that your ex knows that you are still emotionally available to her. It plays into the psychological dynamics of these situations. Not sure how to tell you to move forward to help encourage her to look your way and reconsider.
I'll think about it and add more if I can. Perhaps someone else can jump in.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Anytime...wish I could be of more help. Wishing you all the best.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Are you in touch with your stepchildren at all? If you were with them for 7 years that's a long time to just walk away. Depending on your R with them, you may still want to be in touch with them. Did W stop that or did you? Often it is through seeing the spouse with the children that the ex is having contact. Other than that, a vet will have to tell you the best ways to occasionally reach out. Maybe emailing her a link to something that made you think of her? Sending a funny story or joke by text that she would get and know you were thinking of her? The key is, it cannot be too often. Just enough that she knows you are thinking of her and has an opportunity to have fond memories of you. We need a vet to advise you better!
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
lth - Thanks for the thoughts....I have tried to stay in contact with the kids and have asked many, many times, but she has denied my requests. Last June and July I thought I was beginning to see a crack appear in the walls, and was granted a brief few visits with the step-son, and thought that things were starting on an upswing but one day there was a miscommunication and after that we lost our privleges according to her...anyway, I wrote about that back in Aug. and the worst part of all that was that he was so angry at his mother that he ran away, and she had to call his bio-dad in to sooth the situation. After that from what she said, they both thought that I probably had too much influence on him, and should not have contact with him any more. I had only gotten to see my step daughter a few times when coming to the house to pick up/drop off the boy, and although she is still warm to me, she declined to join us on any of the activited we were going out to do, she is 16 and has a little more on her social calandar, at least I hope its more of an age thing. Some of it might also be that she wants to show her loayalty to her mother by not participating. But I miss her every bit as much, and almost more so since I havent seen her or talked with her in such a long time. So, I have asked....and both the children know that I still wanted to stay in contact. As to my ex...she knows exactly how I feel, and I do believe that my absence is a little confusing to her as much as it is to me right now. I think she really expects me to continue to drop her a note now and then, or a text, or something.....and honestly, I have to fight myself each and every day NOT to do it. I hate myself somedays for still being so deeply connected and in love with them all....but wouldnt trade that experience for anything. I would welcome any more advice if other vets feel like chimine in... and of course, I thank everyone that takes any time to comment
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
I should make a correction.....and reverse that earlier statement that "I believe that my ex is confused as to my absence", I have know idea what to believe anymore at all.....she once told that she would be expecting me to try and text or call her about once a month, and sure enough, that would have been exactly what I was doing the first 8 months after the divorce. She said that each time I did she would have to re patch the holes I put in her wall....that was when I told her that I was never intending on breaking down her walls, and that I only hoped that she would open up a door and invite me back in. I did manage to stop communication for a few months after the summer ban on seeing my step-son, but resumed the end of Sept, up until the last lunch date. I did find out that she had been looking at my FB page at our lunch date because she did make a mention on a sarcastic and derogatory comment that someone had said regarding ex's ...which meant to me that she did looked back now and then. I'm just not putting a lot into that is all....cause I have know idea what to think about anything anymore
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
I have to laugh at myself sometimes..... Knowing full well the dynamics of LRT and the fact that it's more about breaking free from the holds we have been keeping ourselves in....that the object of our affection may never return to us.... We still have that heavy feeling that we could have done more or we should have done more....and we exhaustely still search for that one thing that will make the difference. I know the rasons for LRT.... I know the other person has to do their own thing in their own way in their ow time. But when does the heart ache stop....
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
Today’s question has a lot to do with yesterdays thoughts and feelings.
Do I continue to practice a LRT of no pursuit, no contact, no anything, until the ex makes an attempt to contact me.? Or is there something to be said for any attempts at contacts or invites every now and then?
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
