Mediation and the realization........PartV

[Positivespin]

So I decorated that monster tree by myself on Sunday. I picked up my daughter on Monday night and lost my power before we got home.
No power Tuesday.On Wednesday the tree cutting crews hit my house at 7am and D4 FINALLY saw the tree lit up Christmas afternoon.....Itll be down on Sat.

I love love (I know- who doesnt) I realize that my idea of "Love" is getting my neediness met by someone- VERY unhealthy! This is what led to the embarrassing crash after my cruise ship fling and is what is leading me to imagine what it would be like to marry and live forever with each individual woman I meet in a social situation. I am working very hard to change this!

After 18 years with one person (and im a pup compared to many here) Dating is a daunting task. Folks who are successful preach about queuing potential matches up and going on first date after first date after first date... learn what you like and dont like- experience as much as possible.

I go on one date and in my mind she is perfect. Im ready to proclaim my love and run to Vegas. Disaster. Thank god these intelligent women run away from me.....FAST

So I work on self confidence and positive self talk and not responding back the second I receive an email. Heck, ANY positive stimulus. I need to not need so much.

Their is so much to rebuild- but im taking the time to do it right this time

Happy boxing day!

[Positivespin]

New years eve 2012 I receive the following email from my X

"Are you going to (friends) house tonight? If not, maybe you can pick up a movie and we will have to think of something to eat.

My response;

I will be home with my two beautiful ladies. I will pick up movies. We can eat a Italian feast tonight and D3 can use a fancy glass and we can toast the night away

Any request for type of movie?

One week later........KABOOM!!!!!

This holiday shnit is still hard but I know i will wake up tomorrow. I wont have my/any special friend to play the night away with tonight ......its still not celebration time.

But I have D4

I am so blessed and lucky. I dont have a house,(in fact live in my X's house) I drive a crapbox, I have a strong 401K but no other assets but have very little debt.

Im a stud! All the pretty ladies will be swooned by that online profile ......Yes that is sarcasm.

The last year has been amazing. Its the only word that appropriately fits. Roller coaster.

Tonight I will begin work on my goals for 2014. If i take a snapshot of my life right now and compare it to one year from today my life will look completely different.

Everything except my Daughter.

So I raise a toast, to the many who saved my life on this site and to the many folks who have just been bombed..........THANK YOU!

MAY 2014 BE A 180 OF 2013

[makingmagic]

~~~ cheers ~~~ I will drink to that !!!

Nothing but the best for 2014 for me !!

Magic!

[3boymom]

Cheers!!

[RealityTrip]

WOW friend. I'm reading and just WOW. You are so strong. I have to say, when you asked who does this? In regards to her BD at mediation... I thought, people in crisis, that's who.

It sounds like stuff I have read over in the MLC forum. But I think the other day I read JackThreeBeans advise someone that it should be called Life Crisis, not "Mid", because it can happen to anyone at any point. Just thinking to you out loud.

I don't know enough about life crisis' to advise, but maybe you could ask opinions of those who do here on the forum? Sometimes I think my own W is/has been in one. But I guess we just keep putting on DB foot in front of the other!

You're awesome Spin. Just awesome. Know that! So when you are in the dating pool, refocus... think "wouldn't she be lucky to snag me!" After all... these women don't know it yet, but you have been doing some MAJOR personal work to become an amazing life partner or husband.

Place your bets on you.... you're the jackpot. Not the other way around!

[Maritimer]

Happy "Anniversary" and Happy New Year my friend. 2014 for many of us will be better than last year.

Its a great time to reflect on many of our accomplishments throughout our roller coaster ride.

It wasn't until my friends and relatives brought up how much I have achieved over the last year that I realized how strong these situations made us. If we keep this positive energy moving forward in life how much we will thrive in the future.

Also I am reading "No more Mr Nice Guy". That book was made for me... Now lets implement the healthy changes needed to become awesome!

[Positivespin]

Understanding that the only way this works is when you are 100% honest- here we go.

On 12/23 I sent an email to a woman on atch.com. My first. Damn, did I want to puke out of nervousness.

This woman was VERY different then the others. Im odd....and so is she.

So I craft this email which was way to deep and gave her wayyyyyy to much info and too many details- It was utterly pathetic. It should be framed and hung on the wall of shame for first emails. My profile had no pic and as little info as possible- I joined simply to see what was out there (My buddy turtle inspired me).

Her profile was just so different.

Having never tried this online world I spent days studying what the pros say- I research everything...Im a virgo

She responded back to me something like " Ive never gotten such a raw and honest email like that before. I have to respond. Unfortunately, I dont have the time now but I will send you a quality email when I can"

Two days later she delivered.

so we email back and forth 30+ times (another "Thing you should never do")and suddenly she goes dark for three days....but I keep emailing her anyway (thus violating the "ways to not look utterly pathetic and desperate rule") 12/28-12/31.

I see my T on new years eve - thought it would be a good idea on the holiday and I tell her about emailing this real cool person who just disappeared. She tells me "Oh well, you will find LOTS more...your a catch"

New years day she sends me a email!!!!!!!and we continue back and forth all wed and thur.

Thur nite I tell her to call me and we talk for almost 2 hrs.(another "pro" no/no)

As she still has no idea what I look like I decide she needs a pic so I try to teach D4 how to take a pic on an ipad - FAIL

So then Daddy takes a series of pics of himself using his bathroom mirror (YES I AM REALLY THIS PATHETIC) Prob 40 pics total moving my ugly head angle ever so slightly in each pic.

I review and eliminate 39 to get ONE decent pic. Which I send.....

Yet another moment of true panic.
and a email response from her............

":) Mirror pic works for you"

Im literally dancing at that moment.

I use her Ph# to try texting an "I enjoyed our call text" the next morning (Friday 1/3)- no response.

The next day I meet her for the first time. WOW! She giggles, compliments my clothes, wants to see what i bought, twirls her hair.....but I chicken ship out of asking her out for Tue night (last night)because I was so giddy.

That afternoon I send her an email asking her out on Tuesday nite and I get a response Sun AM.
" At this time I dont know about Tue night. I have an obligation but I wont know if I have to go until that AM. Which is unfair to you."

So....because Im so out of it and lacking of confidence I show my friends and they all say "Its a blowoff" because she didnt offer an alt date. "She was just trying to be nice to you".

I dont hear from her again Sunday or Monday (same pattern as prev week)

Yesterday, I go to work hoping to hear something all day. Nothing. Disappointed, I head home. Thankfully, Im not alone- I had D4. We head to subway to split a sandwich for dinner.......

Suddenly my pocket vibrates.......

"Hey. Its "J". Still want to get that drink?"

She texted me as soon as she was done with her "obligation". We spent two hours together on our "first date" and we set up our second for next week.

What an awesome way to survive the one year anniversary of the day my wife left me!

[RealityTrip]

Woohoo! Stud. . Sounds promising. Go slow! And I mean with you expectations (cruise love ). It's great for you Spin! I'm happy you are putting yourself out there.

[Positivespin]

wow. I really have no idea what I'm doing :-) I was just sent the blow off email from the woman I wrote about above.

Tonight was my last night in politics. The mayor made a speech. I was given a resolution listing my achievements... and then they swore in my replacement.

What a f'ing day!!!!!!

Oh well...here I go again!

[Positivespin]

We are all here to work on ourselves in hopes that we can become the best person we can be. We need to share our personal ups and downs and the roller coaster ride we are on......

This is the email I received from the woman (story above) last night.Im still here because I hope to share my experiences on my journey of life after the bomb. So here it is:

hi_____. i'm sorry i havent written. i wanted to give meeting you a chance to sink in. youre a really nice guy and i enjoyed your company last night but it would be unfair of me to continue seeing you. i've gone on a few dates with someone that i met a few weeks ago and my interest in this person has grown exponentially. there is a certain amount of confusion surrounding it because i am not ready to be in a relationship with this person yet. with that being said, i am a one man kinda girl. i think it would be unfair to continue to see you knowing that i am invested in someone else.
i hope you understand. good luck with future match endeavors. and thank you for the enjoyable chat last night.
-_____________

I WAS IN NO WAY EXPECTING THAT.The first date was a home run, the body language, the flirting the physical touch, the agreement to the next date...90 + min, the hug etc. THAT was a 2x4 beating...but I love and respect the direct honesty. SO unlike my X.:)

My response;
I love your honesty and the fact that you really do throw your cards on the table. He is a very lucky person. I hope he knows that. You really are special. Good luck

No mind reading (although my best friend suggested something that blew my mind).

I fell off my bike, dusting off my pants and need to get back on. She was awesome but I will learn and grow from this experience.

BTW. When I got home the fuse was blown in my house. I had no idea which box it was so I called my X. She picked up and started chatting with me. We talked for a few mins before I ended the call and said goodnight.

Sat when she dropped off D4 she also lingered around chatting with me as well. Asking me lots of questions- flirt like.

LIFE