NERO - still afloat - "JUST"

[uRworthy]

Nero, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, filled with laughter and happiness. You deserve nothing less, my friend.

[nero]

hey hi - ur & universe.

thanks for good christmas wishes - it was a nice holiday. fun company in from out of town- people very glad to see - so woo hoo.

feeling very empty- but think it's lots better than bubbling over with emotions and so on.

hoping 2014 is a good year- 2013 sure $ucked. feeling a bit worn out by the whole situation of getting old, sick & dying. h's two people in life he cares about both died this past year. i cannot imagine or see what the effect is - no kidding. (aside from tons of inheritance). you have to wonder about people who are all "hard guy" outside. i always thought there was soooo much more inside him than that. maybe not. oh well huh???

he was pleasant and helpful over holiday- i guess that is all there is left. toooo heavy to go there- idk & idc anymore. thank you and drive thru please.

it's sure out there in my life & face (old age & death & sickness). I don't feel too bummed about "being dead" - worry a bit about "getting" dead tho. oh well rite - there does not seem to be one way to escape it. h's dad & aunt were pretty "accepting" my mom is mad & fighting it all tooth & nail.. more weight to the "live for today" m.o.

i'm feelin it - gonna try and make today as good as i can- beginning uhhhhhhh- NOW (now if i could just get off the cookies- Geez , do i ever love cookies best of all in life)

HAPPY NEW YEAR everybody - UR, as usual, thanks for note- you're sure THERE for us alllllll, as always...

xxoo((( )))

[Portia]

Nero,

I hear you! 2013 was so not a stellar year. I still think the Mayans may have been onto something when they predicted the end of the world at the end of 2012.

But now that we have made it through the apocalypse, here's to 2014! May our families be peaceful, healthy and did I mention peaceful?

All the best!

[nero]

HEY HI AND THANKS.

i WENT AND spent new yr eve w/friend & h and even stayed over nite. i never do stuff like that- beginning 2014 out of my usual "mold".

gonna go down and eat that darn oatmeal (after two weeks of non-stop goodies) and CARRY THAT GREAT ANTIQUE CHAIR I REPAIRED AND THAT'S 5/8TH REUHPOLSTERED WITH WONDERFUL FABRIC (but stalled) OUT TO THE BACK OF THE CAR- IT'S GOIN TO A NEW HOME - ANYWHERE.

GONNA ALSO LOAD OP SOME OTHER BAGS- IDK WHAT- just my past few days of desire to de- clutter my life - IN MY MIND MOSTLY I THINK- but hey - i do have more "stuff" around than i need.

list a few ebay things- and begin new year (life?) on a sturdy & forward marching note.

major accomplishment last nite not texting h and saying we're done while i was drunk enough to want to at bedtime.

finger twitched in anticipation. it was an enjoyable evening - idk why it seems like a good tghing i didn't do it - my darn prudence in life-

oh well- still here- NEW YEAR beckons-

heeellllooooooooo out there (2014) - is anyone thereeeeee??????

xxoo

[job]

Happy New Year!
I'm so glad to come here and read that you got out and spent the evening w/your friend and H. That's wonderful. What a way to kick off the new year.

You sound like you are on the move today w/decluttering. Great! I don't think you'll be able to get rid of the chair today because places are closed...but tomorrow...look out!

May your new year be a far better one than last year!

[nero]

hey hi-

thanks so much for note and good wishes. 2013 was quite a stinker - hoping for a waaay better 2014.

i know , it's sooo not like me to stay overnight anywhere. I got thinking about driving drunk & risking losing license - eeeek (i began thinking of times i drove home rather sh!tfaced and thought i'd better just staay and be done with it. woohoo

who knows, maybe i really am, little by little "changing" . (for the better & being more "socially" gung & ho a bit). I sure am very sick of being soooo profoundly rejected in life. and pretty darn sick of sitting here alone. @#$%^%$&**^$ it stinks and i worry that i'll get angry or hateful in the end. trying to not let self go there - but have quite a load of resentment.

it's so wierd since i've alwasy been happy - where the heck was my brain? ya gotta wonder.
oh well- i'm outta here-

xxoo happy new year to you too.

[JuneReN]

Hi, I don't post on your thread, but I have to say you always make me smile. Always.. I know you have S@#t to deal with, as we all do but I marvel at the thoughts that seem to just burble out.

I am amazed and grateful you choose to share your thoughts. Thank you

[uRworthy]

Hey my friend, Happy New Year.

You know, Nero, I have seen huge changes in you. You always sell yourself short.

Sometimes the changes are small and they dont seem like much, but, if you add them all together, they are.

I've said this many times, I know, but, you do have the power to change whatever you want. You just have to act on it.

I know fear holds you back. I know because I have been fearful many times in my life. Still am in some ways.

So, there is no right or wrong way to do this. If baby steps works for you, that is ok.

I do hope you put yourself out there even more. I know staying over someone's house is a big thing for you. I know because it is for me.

Please dont be thinking about death. You have a whole lot more life left to live.

YOu have so much to offer the world. Just wish you could see what we see......:)

[willbwell]

man, I agree with all the above!! even though you say too heavy to go there. idk, idc, you give such insight to what you are dealing with... you are one of a kind!

[nero]

hey hi and thanks

you made me feel good. sometimes i wonder where the heck all this stuff comes from- and then i say it so it doesn't keep growing in there and make my head explode.

sometimes i think everyone i know (just about) thinks i'm a bit of a wacko because of this darn - overactive "understanding-ness" thing i have going on.(aka doormat-ism)

(well- either understanding to the point of insanity- ooooor being nuts to even bothering to experience too much empathy all the time. my guilt & obligation are one thing- my continual feeling i should "do more" til i make myself crazy and yet- knowing I don't "do it" - i yap about it- i feel badly about it- but do i just go sign up my stinnkin life and do it all? nope....

oh well- i can make me feel nuts. i just read some little blurb in a lady's magazine saying we all expect waaay too much of self- and yet understand more readily everyone elses shortcomings- and i was thinking- bingo.

how the heck do ya conquer it? how the heck do we grow up like this- caring for younger siblings, needy parents - everyone seems more wounded and needy than self----- always...

i feel neurotic as he!l today- oh well-

good to hear from you. was just over in rosalinda's thread pondering the insanity in life, in that we can and do - both loving and hating someone - of seeing h's frailities adn also wanting to kill him for them- of understanding kind of- but not really giving a damn and being sick of his pandering to his own stupid (sorry- but true) greed which is going to kill anything we have or ever had.

etc.

oh well- sos huh??? have a wonderful day and thanks for making me feel not quite like such a huge draggola.....

thank you and drive thru please...