I realized last night that my X is too far gone. How do I know this? She actually said the following- and it is now documented "If either I move away or you move away you can have 100% CUSTODY (not just primary residency)of D4"
WHO THE FRIG DOES THAT???????????????????????????????????
She just wants out. She gave me everything and will have to pay me significant Child support.
Why is she doing this? I believe she wants to get this wrapped up so that she blocks me from her grandmothers inheritance. She wants to be able to quit her high paying job and live a frugal life somewhere.....and start over- with her immigrants.
So my x throws away D4. WTF!
I cant praise this program,this board,and all of you enough. You provided me with the framework, the knowledge and the confidence to become an amazing person- Much better today then on my very best day before the BD!
I have prob one more mediation appt left- to discuss the transitions over the short term. Its not easy.
What hurts the most, by FAR the most painful- I dont know if D4 will ever know the amazing woman that I married and who gave birth to her.
This person sitting across from me in this small mediation room is not the type of person I like.
The Alian has abducted her brain
Its a good thing that Daddy already has his big boy pants on - thanks to all of you!
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
I was just going to bug you to update us on your sitch, too.
I am so, so sorry. This is just awful. I don't understand this escape-at-all-costs mentality. It's one thing when it's a couple, it's a whole other thing when a kid in caught in the middle of it.
Take heart in the improvements you have made. I know you are being an incredible dad for your girl. We're all very proud of you. Update us what is new with YOU these days... We're just a click away, buddy.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
What hurts the most, by FAR the most painful- I dont know if D4 will ever know the amazing woman that I married and who gave birth to her.
This struck a chord with me as I was just having a conversation with my mom the other day about how things have changed 7 years after my first marriage ended. My first H had an affair and I handled it 100% in the worst way possible. At one point I asked if I didn't make him pay child support if he'd give up all rights to our kids. I was devastated that he actually said yes. He even signed the very one-sided separation agreement I drew up just to be done and over with everything. Looking back I think he was embarrassed and had many other emotions that he would have done or said anything to get a break from it.
It took time, and a lot of cutting him slack with the kids, but he's a great father and is really involved in their lives. Back then he basically begged me to move far away. A year or so later he moved states and careers to be with them. It wasn't until after the guilt/pressure subsided that he could relax and get back to being a good dad.
I know what your W is doing is painful, but if you love her you have to hold out hope that she just needs some time to get some really ugly things out of her system.
BD: Aug 2012 Separated since May 2013 S born Aug 2013 Aug 2013 H agrees to consider 'baby steps toward working things out' H is/was actively seeing someone?
Im in the middle of an Ice Storm up here..... Yesterday was the first day I can remember where I stayed in my pajamas. Im kind of glad the roads were impassible, otherwise I wouldnt have allowed myself to do it.
It was a very busy day- I had to decorate the tree and wrap all the presents myself. I am amazed by how painful it is to be alone on the holidays. No matter how emotionally strong of become....its like a final exam after a heck of a year.
What I found interesting was that id find ornaments with x name on it, or old pics from holiday cards and the stocking with her name on it and I just put it all aside in a separate container and forged ahead. It hurt that I was alone but not because SHE wasnt there. That felt like growth.
I find myself daydreaming alot now. Dreaming about where D4 and I should move to.....excited about finding new experiences and just moving forward. Logically It may not make sense to do it but it feels good to be able to think about the future in some positive way.
So I signed up for a online dating site.......god im sooo out of step. Ill never actually go on a date because Im so inept at the game- but its fun and interesting to read the profiles of others.
D4 is number 1 priority and i will not introduce her to other women. If someone ever comes along who is truly amazing it will be a long time before they meet.
What baffles me are the number of men who go on these sights (including my best friend) looking for a mother for their kids. They have a Mom! Im going to look for the woman of my dreams and be honest and straightforward- That should keep me dateless forever
and if i dont hop on with a long rambling post between now and Wed.....Happy holidays! I love you all.....stay sane
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Woman of your dreams eh? If I start dating, I'll just find myself some FWB. It wasn't my original idea, but my new single friends all tell me it's less pressure and lots of fun.
I'm glad to hear you're taking this well. Just keep swimming
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
Holy smokes PS, what a crazy turn of events! Cant understand what would motivate a woman to give up the rights of her child.
As others said your D is so lucky to have a father as dedicated as you. I admire your strength in dealing with your circumstance.
We got nailed with the ice storm here on the east coast of Canada, power is out everywhere. I was looking forward to get a bunch of x country skiing in over the holiday but this rain just turned the trails into a icy luge.
Tomorrow morning will be hard just me and my dog. Regular day until in the evening when I pick up the boys for overnight and have our xmas morning on boxing day! 2 Christmas mornings for them how lucky they are.
Dating site eh.. In a moment of weakness I signed up for one told the truth in my profile then was immediately banned because I was not officially divorced! Maybe it was a sign.
Merry Christmas to you and your daughter. I want to thank you for all the support you have given me any many others over the year.
Cheers!
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
