This pattern is ongoing. For instance, I did not know he hadn't paid the loan on our house in another county. That was when he got downsized and we had to sell the house, put our first born in wilderness therapy, and I home-schooled.
When I look back at the years, the mis-managing of money has been throughout the marriage. He wanted to budget, and I had no problem with it , I just didn't sit down with him and go over it with me. My strength was not in numbers, and he didn't want to do the savings and college accounts I suggested. So I felt I had nothing to contribute.
I just had no clue that things were as bad as they are. He has got to feel so emasculated, overwhelmed, and hopeless.
I just told my daughter about the hospital bill, and to be ready for anything. She may be mature, responsible, and compassionate, but she is still having to deal with this as the child or what's going on.
My oldest has chosen not to come for Christmas, due to not having any gifts to give, and because she had her nose out of joint due to her vegan restrictions. She brought her stuff and yet still expected to be accommodated. I told her to bring what she wanted and not worry about the gifts...She did say we could go to a movie. I agreed, so we'll see. So it will be just the three of us. Uncle , daughter #2, and I.
I'm going to get a gift for daughter #2 and then make her the chowder, and homemade instant hot cocoa mix.
S I g h ...
It is just incredible how all this is going down
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Ambivalent, I'm sorry that how everything is playing out for you. It's like the flood gates have opened up to show you everything at one time.
I'm glad you were honest w/your daughter about the hospital bill. At least she won't be surprised if something comes up.
I do hope that both of your daughters will be there for Christmas. You and the girls need to support each other in a time like this. I know that your oldest daughter can be a bit difficult at times, but I'm praying that she will settle herself down a bit and truly listen and be there for you. A movie would be a nice way to end the day, if she opts to come.
Was your h's parents like this, i.e., getting deep in debt and not having a way out? From what you've said here, this is not the first time he's done this. He's had to have been exposed to some of this behavior somewhere in his life. I can't imagine anyone getting this deep in debt and drowning like this, but I guess it does happen somewhere in the world.
I am praying that your lawyer will be able to answer some of the financial questions for you and I also hope that you can find a way to clear your name on some of those things. I truly feel for you and I am worried about you as all of this has been a shock today.
Please take care of yourself. I know this is stressful, but there's nothing you can do about what has happened in the past. All you can do is take care of the present and hopefully find some answers very soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Wow AB. I have no advice, but really feel for you. The relationship issues are tough enough to deal with, without dealing with financial problems. So Sorry.
Ambivalent, How are you this morning? Please post and let us know you are okay. I know you've had a stressful weekend and I'm worried about you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I read your email and even though I don't agree w/your decisions, I have to accept that these are your decisions at this time.
Is there anyway that we can avoid the mortgage going into default? If so, may we work together and rectify any delinquent payments and continue the payments on time?
If you are planning to give gifts to our family, would you please add my name on the gift tags as well? I was unable to purchase separate gifts this year because you had advised me that there no funds available to do so. I would appreciate it if you would do this for me this year. I mailed to all of your siblings out of state, the gourmet breakfast, and a small gift to xxx and xxx. Your name was included.
You are welcome to come by and visit w/your daughter during Christmas. xxx due to no gifts and veganism has decided to not come. xxxxxxx and xxxxx will be here.
I will review this again and get back to you in the 2014.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Can I assume that you've sent your reply this morning?
How are you doing?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well, I finally sent the response. He is going to take the girls out tonight to a movie and give them their gifts. It will be interesting to see what he tells them as to why he isn't coming on Christmas.
Funny, I guess the mortgage money is going to gifts and movie and dinners for them. Wonder where the rest of that mortgage money is going...? At this point I'm stocking up on groceries, just in case. Wish I could stock up on gas too.
Got in contact with three more attorney's today, oh JOY! Yes I'm being sarcastic. Having to deal with this at this time, while he blithely goes about his business is very maddening.
What else gets me a bit overwhelmed is that I'm left with everything in the sheds, and house in which to deal. I have no money, and I'm supposed to find a place to move, get moved, and do this by myself?
This is SO wrong!
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Ambivalent, I'm sorry to hear about your rib cage. That type of injury hurts for a while.
Glad to read that he's taking the girls out to a movie and present them w/gifts. It's interesting how they never have money for the bills, etc., but they've got money for the movies, dinners, gifts, etc.
I'm surprised you were able to find any attorneys around this week. Did you speak w/them or set up appointments? No time is a good time to deal w/this stuff.
Yes, it does get overwhelming...but this is the mlc world and they do tend to drop everything in your lap and leave you to take care of the packing, movement, etc. I think that once you get your info from the attorney, I would contact him and advise him how does he plan to handle the stuff in the sheds. He needs to tell you what to do w/the stuff and it's better that he be included in on that part of it because we don't want him to come back and say he wasn't given a chance to come there and get stuff before it's sold or moved.
Yes, all of it is so wrong and I'm so sorry.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
