Informal Poll: Onset of MLC

[bustingout]

It seems like so much denial and avoidance. The flight or fight response to fear .. And flight won

[Delboy]

Hi All, one has to look beyond the trigger, it's psychological damage with the person concerned, from early events in the mlcr's life, that is the cause/reason. If one just farted it would be a good enough excuse for them to go into MLC!

Love
And
Best Wishes

Delboy

[BklynMom]

I totally agree with you Delboy that it relates to something traumatic in childhood. For me what is so confusing is that my H always claimed to have the perfect childhood. Even though I believed that, there was something else going on below the surface in his family that he has yet to admit to even to himself.

[wishing, hoping]

H's childhood was he!! My SIL told me stories that made my blood turn cold. H never had a chance for a normal life.

I was extremely naive when I married H. I thought he had ready faced his demons and all was good. I was wrong. I had no idea what I was in for.

WH

[tadpole1025]

I'll take a step at my XW's MLC:

Growing up, XW never felt good, smart or pretty enough.

09/08 - My little brother kills himself.

10/09 - I lose a very good job.

04/10 - We find out that we owe thousands of dollars in taxes. (I remember this day well. She kind of "snapped" for a lack of a better word.)

05/10 - I get offered my job back. I took it because we needed the money. She hated this. (I was a pretty big celebrity locally and XW hated it with a passion, but again, we needed the money.)

06/10 - She finds out that her father is very ill.

08/10 - She finds out that her stepfather's cancer has returned.

10/10 - Bomb drop. Her biological father dies two weeks later.

Tad

[mizjjd]

H had a fairly neglectful early childhood. Parents non demonstrative and hard to please. Nephew dies when H was about 14. Parents abandoned H (moved overseas and didn't invite H) when H was 17. Second wife left with their child and H was actually comitted for observation. 1996 vasectomy - something that seems to have scarred H. Began affairs. 1998 favorite sister dies - first bomb drop. 2001 successful business shut down. Limited financial success since then. 2006 my mother dies. 2011 - second bomb drop coinciding with H's parents failing health.

Abandonment/death/business setbacks

[RealityTrip]

I've never known if W was in MLC, but her disconnection and eventual Walkabout with AP happend after job loss and unemployment coinciding with tragic accidental death of very close friend.

Hmmmm.... good topic question Wonka! Insightful.

[albamarie]

No Death, but devastated none the less, H went over the edge.

H worked hard for 10 yrs to buy huge property, land, single bedroom for college son to return, kitchen for chef son to cook, dining room for me to serve family dinners for the generation, and his private study for maps and history.

We walked the land for a yr. Surveyed, planned and announced to family. Wall street hits, builder go under, existing house is worth nothing.

At the same time I went in for back surgery. H said I was broken because that's the way society wants us. He is a failure and he has lived his life for nothing. College son came home to live on back porch, and work was so slow it ate up our savings.

He has never come back from that. H was raised very poor and had convinced himself that hard work and money was the only important thing in life, and you get rewarded as so for being "a good person". So why be good!

We are worse off than before because of MLC. Funny thing is we fell in love in a large studio at 20ys old in Chicago. We had a Flintstone car, a cat with fleas, ate burritos, or spaghetti every night, living off of college money, and that was better than this!

He is and seems he will always remain, an angry, vindictive, self loathing, dishonest, broken man, who forgot what's important in life.

[Mic]

Interesting thread.
2012-H mother died. She was a huge part of his life. She ran our life. Who knew I thought our marriage would be better when she died instead it started ending.
2013-Started own business. Ironically becoming more sucessful. Always wanted lots of money now money not making him happy.
2014-Surprise third baby - Our precious son - He always wanted a son - Still not making him happy.
BD-3 months after son was born.
We can see the pattern that divorce will not make him happy either..

[CallaghanClown]

No deaths. His family abandoned him, cut him off, ostracised him. He'd been fighting this behaviour since his mother died in 1996. I think his MLC started around 2010 by 2011 he was a nightmare. By 2013 he became a depressed egomaniac.